HT? Adoption Parties

ctbride08

Forgive me if this has been asked a bunch, but I don't recall seeing a discussion on it recently.

What are your thoughts on adoption parties? Seems to be a very controversial topic on the interwebz and I'd love to hear the perspectives in this group.

bumpuser794640

I have no idea what an adoption party is... off to Google!

ETA: OK, now I know what it is.  I think it could be a nice way to celebrate older children joining your family (obviously if you're adopting a newborn you'd probably just celebrate their birthday instead, right?).  I think as long as it's a small gathering of close family and friends, with no expectation of gifts, it could be a nice way to commemorate the changes in your family.  Would I do it, probably not.  I have no issue with other people choosing to celebrate however they see fit, though.

ctbride08

Just a party to celebrate the adoption of a child/ren   Sometimes done "in lieu of" a baby shower or similar celebration.

silliestbunny

I am all for celebrating children.  I think people spend too much time getting hung up on etiquette and labels. 

For an older child, I'd watch how it was presented and what it was called just to make sure he/she was comfortable with the attention of the party.... but why not celebrate?? 

 What's the controversy about??

artletzler

We're going to plan a "sip and see" party once we know we're in the clear and on our way to finalization..  We don't expect or really want to have any showers so this will be our way to celebrate our new family with our friends and families.  We'll host at our house just open house w/ food and wine.  

Dr.Loretta

A party to celebrate an adoption? Sure. Why the controversy? Are some people focusing on the loss aspect? What are we missing?

Mush-Tastic

I say GO FOR IT! Celebrate big!

ctbride08

Dr.Loretta:

A party to celebrate an adoption? Sure. Why the controversy? Are some people focusing on the loss aspect? What are we missing?

yes, it does have to with the celebration not being sensitive to the loss the child has suffered.

Here's one particular quote that I came across:

"Seriously, as an adoptee, I find adoption celebrations completely in bad taste.

Perhaps it is better she's not with her mother. But that doesn't make this a happy occasion for her. It simply increases the tragedy of it.

I understand you're happy to finally have custody, but turning this into a joyous occasion, when it's not, speaks volumes of your insensitivity to the complexities of adoption."

EratMama

Honey, you know your kids better than anyone.  IF they were in a place where they weren't excited about the adoption--I would say definitely be sensitive to that.  (When/if we are able to adopt a ten and four year old--we will have to see how they feel. That's a long way away.)  Celebrating something that all members of YOUR immediate family are not celebrating IS insensitive to your kids.

But, your kids have sounded very enthusiastic.  Sprout sounds mature enough to celebrate this closure, even if he is still mourning. 

My two cents--And, it doesn't have to be "in lieu"  of a shower or whatever.  It is an event worthy of celebrating. So you celebrate. There can't be too much of that. It doesn't have to be "the same" as other extended family members. 

We have a party for people going to the military, coming home from the military, coming home from a hospital, graduating college, getting a new house, baptism, confirmation, any milestone.  You make a lot of happy for your kids. Take in the happy for yourself.  

No justification needed. 

Dr.Loretta

ctbride08:

Dr.Loretta:

A party to celebrate an adoption? Sure. Why the controversy? Are some people focusing on the loss aspect? What are we missing?

yes, it does have to with the celebration not being sensitive to the loss the child has suffered.

Here's one particular quote that I came across:

"Seriously, as an adoptee, I find adoption celebrations completely in bad taste.

Perhaps it is better she's not with her mother. But that doesn't make this a happy occasion for her. It simply increases the tragedy of it.

I understand you're happy to finally have custody, but turning this into a joyous occasion, when it's not, speaks volumes of your insensitivity to the complexities of adoption."

Yeah, I agree with the others who have responded. I mean, you can turn it around and say that not acknowledging the happiness that mixes with any loss in adoption is also ignoring part of its complexity.

ctbride08

oh yeah, we are totally having a party and the kids are super excited for it! I just found the debate over them interesting and was curious to see the opinions here