Called fat by co-worker

PregNerd

I have been measuring small this entire pregnancy and have been really working on not going the way of the whale. To date I've gained about 20lbs and its mostly belly. A coworker and I have a friendly relationship and have hung out outside of work on occasion.

I had mentioned to her that I was measuring small (hence the fetal assessment ultra sound a few weeks ago). Ever since then she has been doing little things to let me know that she really doesn't think I'm small at all.

For example, this morning at work we are taking and she says 'you know how you think you are small? Check out this girl (as she pulls up pics on facebook) - she is about to give birth in a week and she is much smaller than you'. Um... thanks. You realize that you just went out of your way to call me fat, right? In multiple ways!

I know I wasn't the smallest before getting pregnant, and have really struggled with body issues. I had (notice the past tense) been feeling okay with how I was looking - not super great or anything but not super fat.

Now I just want to curl up and cry. She is a size 2 and is stressing about loosing weight for her wedding in June. I want to smack her. 

jess9802

Sounds like it's time to not be so friendly with her anymore. She sounds heinous.

jc0n15

Sounds like someone that you don't need to be friends with. I on the other hand have a brother that says I look like the Planters peanut man, where that came from not sure. And a cousin would says "I forgot you were pregnant and said to myself damn she got fat". Apparently I can't wear leggings and a sweatshirt around my family.

strawberrytree

She sounds like a real piece of work. I hate people who try and make themselves feel better by putting other people down. You're not fat, not you're PREGNANT! Sounds like it is time to back away from this relationship if she keeps putting you down. 

I would also secretly hope that she gets pregnant soon and ends up gaining a ton of weight all over, not just in the belly. 

marleysimon

My mother does things like this sometimes, and lately I've just replied by asking, "Why would you say/do that? Are you trying to make me feel bad? Why would you do that?"  It shocks them because it forces them to admit what they're doing ... usually my mom is stunned into silence and/or apologizes.  It would be awesome if you could reply in a similar manner to your co-worker, preferably in front of other co-workers so her motives are obvious to all.

PregNerd

It is soo hard not to turn into a 'just you wait' person and start saying all of those things to her.  Ugh. She is one of those people who make pregnant women have body issues and do unhealthy things while pregnant because the fear of being fat is so intense. I mean, who says something like that?

I was at a healthy BMI before getting pregnant (could be lower, but not overweight) and am right within the weight targets for how much I should have gained (almost below).  I feel like her comments are not just attacking how I look now, but how I looked before as well.

It is really hard to try and be the more mature person and just let the comments roll off my back instead of going back to her with snarky comments about her appearance and how she will look at her wedding or something hurtful like that. 

sam19

That's not cool at all. I'm sorry she is doing that to you. Try not to take her words to heart (I know that can be hard to do).

acbfreire

Stay away from her, this is not how a friend should treat you. Everybody thinks that they have the right to comment on our bodies because we are pregnant. It is annoying!

JessieCupcake

I'm sorry she's saying those kinds of things to you. Please try not to take what she says to heart. You are gaining what you need to for the baby. She doesn't sound like much of a friend.

kjem182

Huge hugs, pregnerd.  I think women who haven't been pregnant before just have no idea.  I know I didn't, although I never made those types of comments, either.

I was out shopping for my shower on Saturday and walked in the backyard to my FIL shouting 'Hey, fatso!'.  I know he was trying to be funny, but really?  Then later we skyped my parents in while I opened presents, and my dad mentioned he needed a wide lens so he could see me.  Seriously, dad?? 

People are clueless. 

WhitMN24

marleysimon:

My mother does things like this sometimes, and lately I've just replied by asking, "Why would you say/do that? Are you trying to make me feel bad? Why would you do that?"  It shocks them because it forces them to admit what they're doing ... usually my mom is stunned into silence and/or apologizes.  It would be awesome if you could reply in a similar manner to your co-worker, preferably in front of other co-workers so her motives are obvious to all.

Yes. I also love asking students or rude people - "What's your intention in saying that?" - same idea. Basically it's great to have one of those open ended questions in your pocket that puts it all on him/her. Practice it in the mirror. You have NOTHING to feel bad about - she should. Be tough, mama! 

sheilatakesabow

Is there any chance that she thought you were upset about being small due to the need for the ultrasound and worried that your baby might be too small?  Any chance that what she's really trying to do is reassure you that your big enough so that the baby's OK?

(Admittedly, seems like a straw I'm grasping at there.)