Dh said he's getting snipped

tifvolley

Before we got married, DH told me he wanted four kids, I told him I wanted three and he agreed to that.  The discussion about when we would have a third has been happening pretty frequently lately.  DH told me he wanted to have the third soon while I've been pushing to wait a bit.

Yesterday, he told me he wanted to try in the next three months.  There is no way this is happening, because we need to change our insurance plan first and it wouldn't be effective until Jan.  Today, he told me he's decided he's done with two and that he's scheduling a vasectomy.

I'm pretty upset and know I can't/won't force him to have more kids if he doesn't want to.  It's just really frustrating, because my heart is set on three.  Anyone's DH change their mind either way on this?

Ilumine

Has he explained why this change? 

kcisthebombdotcom

That is pretty crazy for him to go from wanting to ttc in 3 months one day to getting a vasectomy the next. Clearly if he changed his mind that quickly, he's not too serious about the decision. I would tell him to wait until January to schedule the vasectomy to see if time changes his mind. It's a permanent procedure and shouldnt be decided on a whim.

speckledfrog

It sounds to me like he has some sort of reason for wanting to try now and not later and when that didn't work out he decided that he didn't want later so much that he went for a vasectomy.  Have you tried talking to him about why it's now or never?

tifvolley

I'll try to sit down with him tonight to get the full story.

He seems to go back and forth.  I think he really is done, but doesn't want to dissapoint me.  I also think that when I'm working on the weekends he gets overwhelmed with the kids and goes back to being done with two.

dsmithplus2

I have no personal experience with this. H and I both wanted two kids. I never discussed him getting snipped, but he voiced the opinion during a conversation after we found out we were pregnant again. I am totally okay with him getting snipped because we don't want anymore kids.

I can totally understand that this is upsetting for you. I would be heartbroken if I was set on three kids and only got two. Maybe you can sit down with him and ask him why he has changed hismind and let him know how it makes you feel... Hope everything works out!

Jena503

If he's flip flopping from TTC NOW to vasectomy NOW, then he's got some other issue going on. Honestly, I would do everything to stop him from making a decision either way until he's got his head straight.

Puppylove*85

It's not fair for him to make this decision unilaterally.  Given the significant change of heart, I would advise you both to wait a while before making a permanent decision.

jessicaclare

cmeon_the_water:

Honestly, to me it sounds like a "my way or nothing at all" type of threat to you. You don't want to work on a baby when I do? Well, I'm not going to EVER then. Pretty whacadoodle tactics for a grown man- and definitely worth getting some counsel over.

This was my reaction too. This is a big decision and for him to just decide one way or the other without considering your feelings sucks. I think counseling is in order. 

tammyz25

going from one extreme to the other that quickly? i think you have to talk to him and find out what's going on.