Working moms who eventually stayed home...

MegannJay

So I realized tonight (on the eve of returning to work full time) that if we stay with the same daycare when we have our second child, the tuition for 2 kids would put us in the hole $200 each month.  As in- my salary doesn't even cover the cost of the tuition.  We're very lucky in that DH's salary could support me staying home with Piper or when we have 2 kids but it would certainly cause some lifestyle changes right now.  

I have no clue what we'll end up deciding to do but my gut is to stay home with the 2 kids since even if we find a cheaper place, I won't make that much more than the cost of it.  DH has pointed out that working has other benefits such as a 401k etc.  I completely agree and I always go back and forth about what I'd prefer to do BUT, if I decided to stay home then, I feel like I'm cheating myself out of time with Piper now.  

So for any of you who decided to eventually stay home (either after having more kids, or whatever other reason), did you feel that way?  Like you wish you had just stayed home all along?  Do you wish you had that time with your first kid?

 I'm sure these feelings I'm having right now of not wanting to go back to work (full time at least) are just because I have to starting tomorrow but I'm just worried about regretting my decision.  

I enjoy my job and I thought working part time was a great balance but it wasn't a long term option.  So at this point it would be work full time or not at all.  I'm not in a rush to make any decision but I didn't expect to feel like this:(   

dusk42

If you want to stay home, then that's fine, but if you are playing the numbers game, make sure you account for increased insurance costs (if you are not already on your H's insurance) and contributing money from your H's salary into an IRA for you (spousal IRA) - I would try to contribute at least as much as you now add to your 401k (including the employer match), but the max for an IRA is $5000.  

 

I am not currently planning on staying home with a second kid, but if I did, I would absolutely work up until that kid was born in order to save as much money as possible in an emergency fund.  I would try to rearrange my budget to be more in line with a single salary and save the excess.  Otherwise, any enjoyment I would get out of being with my kids would be negated by the stress of depending on a single salary.  

 

I also think that DD gets more and more fun as she gets older, so I wouldn't necessarily feel guilty about not staying home with her as an infant/younger toddler if I stayed at home in the future.   

RoxBride

I went from working to SAH and don't regret it.

When crunching numbers, make sure you also account for clothing needed for work, lunches, commute expenses, etc.

For us, it comes down to having zero stress, which means we are able to enjoy her early years to their fullest.

AimeeL85

I used to work full time and returned part-time (3 days per week) when DS turned 3 months old.  When we move in a few more months, I am going to be a SAHM.  We are expecting our second child and the cost of daycare would be my entire salary. Just like you, we are lucky we will be ok with just DH's salary, but it will also involve some changed. We will be losing my income, adding a baby, and paying a mortgage considerably higher than our current rent.

Sometimes I do wish I had just stayed home all along; honestly, mainly just because after paying for daycare, there's not much left over already - basically just enough to pay for the car I use to get to work (3 miles away) and some groceries. Not that worth it.

However, most of the time, I am glad I returned to work for the time that I have - it gives DS one nice day with my mom that they both love, 2 days at daycare to play with his friends and socialize, and then 4 days with me. It's been a nice balance.  However, with 2 kids and with our move, it's not going to make sense for me to work, and I am truly looking forward to staying home with DS and LO #2.

I think it's true that working has other benefits like 401k and let's face it, getting a break from mom duties...I don't think it makes sense in cases like ours where the financial bottom line is nothing exciting. 

ALY1981

I JUST made the switch from a working mom to a SAHM. I will be going into the office 2-3 days a week through the month of may to transfer my contacts and close out my desk and then ill be a full time sahm. My husband works a greuling schedule and my mil was watching H when we were working. It got to the point where we were never seeing eachother, and we realized it wasn't fair to use my mil so much. It became more of a job for her, KWIM? We looked into childcare but with my current commute and hours away from home (12 hours a day) it just wasn't worth it anymore. we reworked our budget a bit and sat down with our finance guy to be sure we were still contributing enough into our short and long term savings so we are prepared on that front. I'm hoping this creates a happier household-the past few months have been so stressful. My husband and i literally go days without seeing eachother (he works a midnight shift a lot of the time) and seeing Henry 1 hour a day just isnt cutting it for me anymore. I am really looking to devoting more time to my family. Good luck on your decision. Feel free to message me if you have any questions or need support

klaus

I worked full time before DS and full time for three months when I went back to work with the mindset that I would try to transfer into a PT position ASAP.  I was lucky that something came up quickly. 

I basically decided to work PT in order to continue to save for retirement.  We can live on DH's salary and he can save for retirement but, there wasn't anything left for me to save for retirement without a big change in lifestyle.  So, my salary is used for 401k savings, Roth IRA, daycare (just $200 less than FT care), home and car insurance and a few incidentals.  If we decide to have #2 it will cost twice as much in childcare so I'll have to nix the roth IRA and possibly reduce the 401k in order to cover it. 

Retirement savings was a BIG factor for me along with extra stability in the home with 2 incomes.  DH and I both work for big Fortune 500 corporations.  We aren't naive, we know that at some point one or both of us will likely lose are jobs and we want to be prepared in case that does happen. 

Good luck with your decision.  It's a difficult one.  As pp's have mentioned, don't forget to factor in all the expenses that you currently have, all the ones that you will have as a SAHM and think not only about the short term but the long term as well.

MegannJay

Thanks everyone for the responses.  Sorry to just be getting back to them.  It helps a lot to have your perspectives both with staying home and with the financial aspects of staying home/working.  There is a LOT to think about.  I'm still pretty conflicted about it this morning but I think I should do my research about the costs of things before making such an emotional decision right now.  Especially since we aren't even planning for FET for baby #2 until next summer.

I love the social aspect of daycare for Piper and I loved the part time schedule since it seemed to be a good balance but I can't get the thought of everything I'll miss doing with her but get to do with the second child if I eventually stay home. I think more than anything I'm scared I'll regret my decision.   

 Aly, I might take you up on the offer to message you sometime:)  thanks! 

 

GuitaristsGirl

I practiced law for many years, and quit in February of this year to stay at home.  When I quit, my DS was almost 2, and my DD was 10 months. 

To answer your question, no, I don't wish I had stayed home all along.  For us, it's a huge financial sacrifice, so I'm glad I worked as long as I did.  Also, I feel like now (the toddler years) are when the kids are really starting to get fun, and I'm glad I'm here for that, more than anything.  When DS was a baby, I was a bit anxious first taking him to daycare, of course, but I didn't weep over it, if that makes sense, because he didn't *do* that much in any given day.  For me, it was harder to be away from him with each day that he got older and more interactive. 

And honestly?  (With no offense to anyone who feels differently.)  I think I probably would have been a bit bored staying at home with an infant.  As it is, now, my days are not my own.  I can't just tote these two along with me on my own missions - There is no deep cleaning, a quick run to the store, searching for ways to entertain ourselves, etc.  Our days are jam-packed with activities for 2 crazy-active LOs, kwim?  I'm just thankful for this opportunity now, and feel like I cherish it more than if I had had it all along.    There are drawbacks to SAHing, for sure, but having experienced the drawbacks of working 10000 hours a week outside of the home, in a crazy-stressful job, with 2 under 2! - I can make an informed decision about which I prefer.

As for the rest of your post - I just think it's important to realize that there are 2 aspects to staying home - financial, and personal satisfaction.  If you really don't enjoy staying home, then you probably shouldn't, IMO, even if you don't end up taking home a ton of $ by working and paying for daycare.  Like I said, for us, we're really sacrificing.  Yes, we're missing out on the 401K and everything else the previous posters mentioned.  But, at the end of the day, we decided it was still best for our family from a personal satisfaction standpoint.

GL, whatever you decide!