Mixed feelings re: forgetting

lrichmond86

Every so often I have a moment where I forget that my baby died.  It's not really that I'm forgetting about him or that I'm not conscious of the fact that he's not here... I just forget that this is my life.  That I am the mother of a dead child.  Just for a moment.  Then it all comes back to me and hits me like a brick. 

I have such mixed feeling about this.  Part of me feels guilty that, even if it was just for a minute, I wasn't missing my angel.  Another part of me feels good to have a little bit of normalcy.  Is this just another part of the grieving/healing process?  Does anyone else feel like this?

ehlersm

I've noticed it just in the last week. It's easy to feel guilty but our babies know that we never stop thinking about or loving them. I think this is a pretty normal part of grieving. I am going to choose to look at it as a positive, a step towards normalcy. I tell myself that they are watching me and are happy when I am happy. 

whiteroses05

I know exactly what you mean. Yes I do find myself feeling this way. Its all a big blar to what really happened. I find myself say did this really happen to me. I feel it is a good thing in a way....a sense of normal in a life I was expecting to live. I am in no way saying that I dont miss or love my baby any less. I mostly am grateful that it comes back to thinking more of the good that happened during my pregnancy than the bad. I think it is true that we are just trying to find a sense of normal. I also believe our babies are there with us everyday through the good and the not so good days.

dexnmav

I was discussing this very thing with a friend who lost her sister a year ago. She said there are times she realizes she hasn't thought about her most of the day and feels guilty, but there were days when her sister was alive that she didn't think about her. So, I think it is our way of having moments of normalcy.

I think it is part of the process of how a person grieves/heals. I don't think it's forgetting, I think it's just realizing that it isn't the thing you are thinking about right in the forefront of your mind. I think it will always be playing in the background of everything we do. 

dandywarhol

I completely understand the guilt.  The same thing happened/is happening to me. I do believe it is part of the normal grief/healing process.  I've come to the point where I tell myself that it isn't that I'm forgetting my LO but coming to realize that life has to move on.  Sylvie will always be a part of me.  Just because I'm not sad 24/7 doesn't meant that I don't love her and don't miss her.  She wouldn't want me to be sad all the time.  

Don't be too hard on yourself.  It is ok to let yourself move on.  It doesn't mean you're a bad mother and doesn't mean that you don't love your LO.  {{hugs}} 

magdalina.h

This is part of the process. You aren't forgetting your baby, your mind is giving you a brief break.

tuscanbride2007

I know how you are feeling. I cried a lot yesterday because I was writing thank you notes and reading all of the things that people wrote to us. I couldn't get over that I was writing thank you notes for our grief rather than the happiness of having our baby.

 Then this morning, I woke up and went about my morning not once thinking about her. 

 I believe this is the way our lives are going to be now. We will always love and miss our babies, but we also have to find some normalcy. They will always be a part of us whether we are happy or sad or having a good or bad day.   

laurendSept05

Yes - all the time.  I notice one day I don't think about him that much - and then the next day it consumes me.  I think its just part of life - you need to have balance - and can't be sad all the time. It does hit me sometimes when I think of our journey that ended ultimately with his loss - I think what a sad story - and then in the next second think - oh my gosh I can't believe thats me, thats my story, this is my life.  It is sureal sometimes. 

Gizu92708

I started a new job about 2 weeks ago and it has happened to me there. It's like I'm learning new things so I forget about my life for a moment. The first time I noticed that was happening I let a good ol cry in the bathroom because I felt ashamed that I had forgotten about Enzo. Go easy on yourself, it's part of grieving. (hugs)

MandynStephen

I have the same feelings and I believe it is just part of the healing process. 

weddedwife

Me too. I kind of feel guilty too, but there's only so many tears a person can cry 24/7. I think the brain forces this little relief on us, even if it's only temporary.

Surreal for sure. Sometimes I feel like I'm watching someone else's life, then I realize it's my own. WTF