paternity test

sparty611

I recently separated from my child's father.  We had a child support hearing last week.  Towards the end of the hearing the officer read what I would be receiving monthly for child support.  Upon hearing this, my ex asked for a paternity test for the baby.  Then yesterday, asked if he could see the baby for a few hours today.  The entire situation was civil up until the hearing; the sudden demand for a paternity test floored me.  I don't want to keep my baby from his dad, but I don't think it's right to have a visitation day after he denied his own child.  

amarissa85

I understand your frustrations, but keeping the child apart is not the right answer. After my son was born and his father wanted a paternity test it was a smack in the face. The best thing you can do is allow him to have his paternity test for his peace of mind and not keep his child from him. I know it sucks having your integrity challenged but always keep the best interest of the child at heart. Always remember this. Sometimes we can be spiteful and angry and try to take things out on our ex in the form of the child and in the end the child suffers. As long as he makes the attempt let him unless there is some danger to the child.

sparty611

He only wants to see him when it's convenient for his social life as it is.. I told him visits will resume once test results are concluded.

amarissa85

Trust me I know I know, my sons father has seen his son like twice in his entire life when he was a baby. My son is 7 now. And the only time his dad contacts ME not his son is when he feels its convenient and then bashes me when I get onto him about not being in his sons life and he gives me some half ass excuse about he has his reasons which I'd never understand. I said this on a previous post that sooner or later your child will be able to see all of this for themselves and it WILL come out. But if ever the day comes where he asks to see him I will never deny him even though he is a sorry excuse for a father and a man. My son is well taken care of, Mommy sees to that!! Hold your head up you child will always love you for what you have done!!

FyreFlyeRush

This is something I'm struggling with, too. JF demanded a prenatal paternity test, and when I refused, he started saying it was because the baby wasn't his. Now, I'm also one of those paranoid types, so I won't consent to Joe Blow's paternity test labs, either. If he wants a DNA test, it'll be done THROUGH the court at a facility of THEIR choosing. 

Its left me unsure how to handle visitation. I absolutely want him in our son's life. However, part of me says if he doesn't think the baby is his, why does he need to see him? Yet, the woman that I am will not stop him from seeing him. In the end, I'm opting to see what happens. If he asks to see him, with caveats, I'll allow it. 

Also, as someone whose ex had nothing to do with their child for 12 years, when you have a man who is interested in seeing his child, run with it. It's heart wrenching to watch your child grow up thinking their other parent doesn't care. It would worse to watch it and know its your fault. 

amarissa85

i totally agree with u...if he wants to be a part let him...

sparty611

thanks for the kind words, definitely helpful in a crazy time like this  

ashleyann331

I can understand why you would be upset. Honestly, money matters bring out the worst in people so that is probably why he acted like that. Obviously you know hes the dad so don't object or take an offense to the paternity test, its going to come back saying what you already know.

While your first instinct is to deny him visitation, you can't. By doing that you would show the judge that your uncooperative. Even though you aren't, all it takes is one incident for you to look like the bad guy. 

I'm sorry your dealing with that from him, but it is in no way your fault. He obviously wanted to pay less in child support and is throwing a fit. Ughhhh men..... 

ashleyann331

FyreFlyeRush:

This is something I'm struggling with, too. JF demanded a prenatal paternity test, and when I refused, he started saying it was because the baby wasn't his. Now, I'm also one of those paranoid types, so I won't consent to Joe Blow's paternity test labs, either. If he wants a DNA test, it'll be done THROUGH the court at a facility of THEIR choosing. 

Its left me unsure how to handle visitation. I absolutely want him in our son's life. However, part of me says if he doesn't think the baby is his, why does he need to see him? Yet, the woman that I am will not stop him from seeing him. In the end, I'm opting to see what happens. If he asks to see him, with caveats, I'll allow it. 

Also, as someone whose ex had nothing to do with their child for 12 years, when you have a man who is interested in seeing his child, run with it. It's heart wrenching to watch your child grow up thinking their other parent doesn't care. It would worse to watch it and know its your fault. 

This also, I'm terrified of my STBXH somehow getting someone elses cheek swabbed when he takes the DNA test. 

To get around this I pretty much pushed the issue on my lawyer until he put in our divorce/custody papers that he is to go to the health department, and show 2 forms of ID.

I know this sounds crazy, but really you can never be to sure at what people are going to do. I sounds like your child's father wants to be involved so I wouldn't imagine him doing that. Just make sure everything is done the right way.

Cranang

I think it's an unfair assessment that he is denying that the child is his.  In legal matters, you need to have everything documented, 100%.  ALL MEN should get paternity tests in custody matters.  This doesn't make men evil.  It makes them smart.