I feel like I have no support :(

byrne15

Well, other than my OB saying that I am able to attempt a VBAC.

DH wants me to have a RCS because of "all these people" who think I am crazy for wanting a VBAC.

Today he mentioned to me that people think I am crazy.  I asked who and he said more than one person.  I finally got it out of him and it's 2 girls he works with plus 3 of our mutual girl friends.

I am really annoyed by this.  I said to him that they obviously haven't done any research or know what they are talking about, but I am feeling like I am just one person against the world right now.

Just venting I suppose...

terri_doula2010

That is so frustrating! You should show him the ACOG stance on VBACs. That is hard to argue with.

Also, if your DOCTOR thinks it is fine, I don't know why he is listening to these people who are clearly not birth professionals. 

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

nosoup4u

Ugh, sorry. That sucks! Have you checked to see if there's a local ICAN chapter in your area? The one by me has monthly meetings - maybe meeting other women who are planning or have had VBACs might help you deal with the less supportive ones? I agree that if your doctor is okay with you having a VBAC, that should help your DH not be so worried about it.

cchill01

Work on your DH, forget the rest.  My DH was really against VBAC in the beginning, because he wasn't educated.  Once he started to read more and I dragged him to an ICAN VBAC seminar, he's come around.  Now, I hear him defending my position to others.

All these naysayers haven't done any research or are not really understanding that an RCS is major surgery.  

iris427

cchill01:

Work on your DH, forget the rest.  My DH was really against VBAC in the beginning, because he wasn't educated.  Once he started to read more and I dragged him to an ICAN VBAC seminar, he's come around.  Now, I hear him defending my position to others.

All these naysayers haven't done any research or are not really understanding that an RCS is major surgery.  

Ditto.  My husband got on board with VBAC after I read him all the safety info and I found and about how opposition to VBAC is mainly about malpractice, not what is right for the mother.  Good luck byrne. 

babyike

Sorry you are feeling so unsupported right now  I remember having to "convince" my mom and several other people that me wanting a VBAC was neither crazy or unsafe or irresponsible.  My mom is a pedi NP, and a former L&D nurse (18 years...), so she has seen a couple of VBACs that went badly (like really badly...).  But once she came to an appt with me to see my midwife, she jumped right on board with us!  And after she came around, nearly every other person that was skeptical followed suit (the skeptics were all people SHE had originally spread the "bad VBAC rumors" to).  DH knew I was a good at researching in general, so he was thankfully on board from the beginning when I showed him the ACOG findings and a few excerpts from VBAC books.

Just keep your focus as much as you can, and confide in those who are supportive of your wishes to VBAC.  Do you have access to your local ICAN group?  I always felt so supported by my local group (both in Denver and TX)!  You can always take your DH along to a meeting so he can get a better "feel" for everything. 

(((HUGS))) and hoping you get more support soon!

Jena503

If these are people he likes and trusts, then I would try to present it like this...

Their ideas about vbac are simply outdated - like old wives tales that you have drink milk to make breastmilk, or that you're supposed to toughen up your mipples.

The ACOG position on vbacs has changed pretty recently, so unless they are medical researchers, then it's easy to not be up on the latest information. There are risks for vbac. AND there are risks for rcs. There is no organization as mainstream and as uptight as ACOG. If they now say vbac is a safe choice,and your doctor who lives and dies by his malpractice insurance says it's a good choice, then you should believe them.

Twizzle

I'm so sorry you aren't feeling supported.  I know there is a lot of misconception out there regarding VBAC.  I have even encountered people who thought that VBAC was illegal and I was required to have RCS.

I agree that it doesn't matter what those people thing but it is very important to have your DH behind you.  Is there an ICAN meeting in your area that you could bring him to?  I have found that there are some very knowledgeable people at my local ICAN meetings and it sounds like he might be the type to be more convinced by hearing real stories/facts from real people instead of reading something.  Can your OB talk with him about his concerns?