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Does this make me a bad person?? (coming the realization that I'm bitter)

psychmajormompsychmajormom member
in TTC After a Loss
I'm in the process of losing my 4th child and when I see new ppl come on here, I love to welcome them but I don't like saying "hope your stay here is short and sweet" because I wanted my stay to be "short and sweet" but however, here I am being here over a year and my stay has been far from short, I am just bitter to knowing a lot of the "newbies" will move on very shortly and I'm still here.... I guess I'm just a bitter ole better. Sorry, there was not point to this post really other than to let yall know I'm bitter....
(USE TO BE, WISH2BEMOMMY). 1st BFP ever Aug. 16, 2010.... 1st OB appt. Sept. 8, 2010, u/s showed poss. blighted ovum.... b/w 9/8/10 22,698 b/w 9/10/10 14,521.... mmc confirmed, started naturally m/c 9/15/10, d & c 9/16/10 I love you my precious monkey!! 2nd BFP March 2011.... c/p, miss you lil one!! 3rd BFP Nov. 20, 2011, subcornial hemorrhage detected 11/24/11 heartbeat found.... LO's heartbeat lost 11/25/11.... d & c 11/26/11..... I love and miss you so much baby!!!! C/P 4/26/12.... gone before I knew you.... off BCP 10-1-13.. BFP 11-20-13.. SCH for 7 weeks.. 3-4-14: It's a Girl!.. 4-22-12 emergency cerclage placed..7-7-14 cerclage removed at 36w.. delivered Lillian Marie 7-28-14..
 "An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth"

Our TTCAL Blog--Newbies and Lurkers Please Read!

♥♡♥ PAL/PGAL welcome♥♡♥
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Re: Does this make me a bad person?? (coming the realization that I'm bitter)

  • AngnShaunAngnShaun
    I think its normal to feel that way.... there is no law that says you have to write that. JMO I'm sure you didn't mean it but this post does not come off well...
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  • psychmajormompsychmajormom member
    imageAngnShaun:
    I think its normal to feel that way.... there is no law that says you have to write that. JMO I'm sure you didn't mean it but this post does not come off well...
    I'm sure it doesn't and you're right, that's not my intention to sound like a b!tch, I'm just bitter, while I wish everyone who comes here well, I just don't like the fact that others can be happy and while I'm stuck here, once again wallowing in my own self-pity....
    (USE TO BE, WISH2BEMOMMY). 1st BFP ever Aug. 16, 2010.... 1st OB appt. Sept. 8, 2010, u/s showed poss. blighted ovum.... b/w 9/8/10 22,698 b/w 9/10/10 14,521.... mmc confirmed, started naturally m/c 9/15/10, d & c 9/16/10 I love you my precious monkey!! 2nd BFP March 2011.... c/p, miss you lil one!! 3rd BFP Nov. 20, 2011, subcornial hemorrhage detected 11/24/11 heartbeat found.... LO's heartbeat lost 11/25/11.... d & c 11/26/11..... I love and miss you so much baby!!!! C/P 4/26/12.... gone before I knew you.... off BCP 10-1-13.. BFP 11-20-13.. SCH for 7 weeks.. 3-4-14: It's a Girl!.. 4-22-12 emergency cerclage placed..7-7-14 cerclage removed at 36w.. delivered Lillian Marie 7-28-14..
     "An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth"

    Our TTCAL Blog--Newbies and Lurkers Please Read!

    ♥♡♥ PAL/PGAL welcome♥♡♥
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  • minicheezburgminicheezburg member
    It's normal. I don't respond to intro's anymore. 2 reasons, they are either trolls and phishing or I just can't muster positive vibes to give them. You are not alone. Hugs sweetie. I am sorry you still need to be here and hope you get your take home baby really soon.
    Me(26)DH(33)
    TTC for #1 since Jan 2010
    BFP #1 Oct 1 2010 MC Oct 3 2010
    DX PCOS w/ AO Nov 2011
    3 rounds of Clomid all BFN
    BFP #2 10/12/12 Beta #1 45.1 Beta #2 160.7 * 2/27 diagnosed with IEF in utero.
    Dalaney born @ 35w2d via emergency C-section due to Pre-E after 30 hrs of labor & losing her HB twice. She weighed 5lbs 8oz & was 19in long on May 26th 2013 @ 605am

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers   image

    "Severe truth is expressed with some bitterness."
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  • CCline09CCline09

    I am so so sorry. I feel the same way of sorts. We are TTA til at least October so it'll be a least 8 months from the time of my m/c before I can even think about getting KU again (and who  knows how long it'll take once we actively are TTC).

     

    I am so sorry, especially for your recent loss. :(

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  • GregermisGregermis member
    you aren't a bad person, I have similar feelings as well.  I usually just say "welcome and sorry you have to be here". 
    TTC #1 Since 4/2010, Cycle 30
    Positive for HLA-B27, I'm a mutant :p
    Testing - Me ok, gluten issue? DH - borderline count, low motility
    4/28/11 IUI#1 = BFP!(5/25), EDD 2/2/12 - m/c 5w3d
    7/3, 7/31, 9/25 - IUI#2-4=BFN
    IVF#1 - 1 blast = BFP!! (12/30), EDD 9/9/12, confirmed c/p 4w2d
    FET#1 3/2/12 - 2 blasts =BFP!! EDD 11/18/12, us#1 = twins! Confirmed m/c 5w6d
    4/20-surprise BFP and another c/p 4w2d
    FET#2 7/16/12 - 2 blasts = BFN
    FET#3 8/20/12 - 1 blast - BFP!! Beta #1-2=177, 354
    1st u/s 5w6d, one beautiful little HB :), 2nd u/s 146bpm
    baby girl born 5/10/13

    TTC#2 since 12/17/2014, Cycle 8
    Repeat Testing...FSH=12, AMH=3.8, AFC=28. 
    IUI#5 5/10/15- c/p?
    IVF#2 8/19/15 - cancelled due to cysts
    IVF#2 take two 10/2015 - 5 blasts frozen
    FET#4 12/11/2015 - BFN - 4 blasts remaining
    FET#5 2/18/16 - BFP!!!  Beta1-3, 126, 250, 745!!

    Image and video hosting by TinyPicLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Tons of love and ((hugs)) to my IF sister NMscubagirl


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  • VikingQueenVikingQueen member
    Oh sweetie ((huge hugs)) I so wish I could be there with you. I hate your goi thru this again and I completely understand where your coming from.
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  • dtowngirldtowngirl
    You're allowed to be bitter. This board is here for us to let our frustrations sometimes and also to give support. You're not a bad person and I'm not at all offended by this post.
    BabyFruit Ticker BFP #1 - 1-25-2012. Missed M/C discovered at 9 weeks 3 days. D&C 3-9-2012

    BFP #2 - 10-11-2012 Beta 38, 10-15-2012 Beta 518!.
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  • littleusfamilylittleusfamily member

    imagedtowngirl:
    You're allowed to be bitter. This board is here for us to let our frustrations sometimes and also to give support. You're not a bad person and I'm not at all offended by this post.

     This. It's completely understandable. I think it goes without saying that you're not wishing bad on the newbies just that you wish you stay had been short and sweet and that you want your rainbow. I'm sure you're not the only one that feels that way.

      
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    Friend this dummy account: http://on.fb.me/1d1Y5FN 
    Send a message saying you want in and I'll add you! 
    Feel Free to unfriend once you're added. 
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    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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  • LSzwayaLSzwaya member
    I am pretty bitter too. I have had to come and go from this board 4 times now. 
    MC 4/09 at 6w2d 
    Rainbow Jude 
    born: 12/31/09
    Pre-E Induction at 36w4d
    11 Day NICU stay due to GBS infection

    TTC#2 10/2010
    M/C: 4/09/11 5w
    CP: 12/26/2011 
    CP: 1/28/2012 
    MMC: 4/16/2012 at 11w2d 
    Ectopic: 6/25/2012 MTX 07/03/12
    CP 11/24/2012 
    Rainbow Violet 
    born: 9/11/13

    All ALers welcome! 
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  • FreyaWin2382FreyaWin2382 member

    First of all, you are not a bad person. Period. 

    Second, I think that we have all been there....I know that I am pretty bitter about my situation. And while I don't wish others any harm, I am just sad for me.

    One thing that does help me is to remind myself that there aren't a set number of babies to be born....that others getting those BFPs in no way changes my odds of having a baby. That helps....sometimes anyways.

    (((HUGS))) to you....and I am so sorry you are going through this again. 

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  • Mom2anAngel2Mom2anAngel2 member
    I don't think that makes you a bad person at all.  I think that it makes you normal.  I think that we all get a bit of jealousy now and then, I certainly do.  (((HUGS)))

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie - (B9PH)

     

    Lilypie - (0YVF)
     TTC since 11/2009; Lap/HSG/Hysteroscopy: 5/2011 (endometriosis - removed; endocervical polyp - removed; high pressure in bilateral tubes - cleared)

    BFP #1: 8/4/11; DS1 born sleeping on 11/16/11 at 19w1d

    BFP # 2: 5/7/12, EDD 1/10/13, DS2 born 1/4/13

    BFP # 3: 11/8/13, EDD 7/17/14, mmc 10wks

    BFP # 4: 5/16/14, EDD 1/15/15, praying for our 2nd rainbow baby 

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  • mistiffany28mistiffany28 member

    I'm so sorry for your losses :( 
    You are allowed to feel however you need to feel.  I know that personally, even though I'm a newbie on this board, not necessarily in the ttc world, I go through a ton of emotions all the time.  Different situations bring forth different emotions (just ask my dh :) )

     

    1st bfp- 11/14/11 mc 11/26/11
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  • panacea05panacea05 member
    Nothing but ((hugs)) here, lady. I'm so sorry. :(
    It was a rough road, but Arlo Daniel was born April 1, 2013—and our second rainbow is due October 12, 2014.
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  • chrisleathchrisleath member

    I am so sorry for your loss.  I cannot even imagine how you feel or what you are going through, but I am not offended in the least in how you feel.  As someone who can be considered "new" (even though I feel more in between) I do not take it personally and I don't think anyone else should.  It is how you feel and there is nothing wrong with that.  It makes you human.  I admit that I do say sometimes that I wish their stay is short and sweet but it is what I wanted for myself and everyone else even if I am envious of them because they are more fortunate than I am.  That is just my opinion though.  If you can't vent and let out your feelings here, where else can you?

    Again I am sorry for your loss...

    BFP#1 10/24/11 ~ EDD 6/27/12 ~ m/c 11/15/11 BO
    BFP#2 6/10/12 ~ EDD 2/21/13 ~ mm/c 7/12/12 ~ D&C 7/13/12
    BFP#3 2/23/2013 ~ EDD 11/5/13 Beta#1 125, Beta#2 436, Beta#3 ???
    Pregnancy Ticker
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