Sad to have to introduce myself here (DD mentioned)

cojourney24

I have been a long time lurker on various boards over the last several years. We were llcuky to have a beautiful DD in 2009 that has been helping us get through this difficult time.

 We decided it was time to try for number 2 this past fall and were lucky to have it all happen right away. Other than MS and the regular aches and pains, the pregnancy was pretty uneventful. We did the Nt scan, quad screen and maternit21 test and all things looked great. Our 20 week level II US was great. But I had this strange feeling the whole time - I felt unbonded and even a little depressed. But I just chalked it up to 2nd pregnancy and things just feel different.

At my 24 week appoinment the OB said the baby had an irregular heartbeat and I should go back to MFM to have another US. She said not to worry that irregular rhythms can be very common. After a visit to the MFM and several visits to the pediatric cardiologist we learned that our baby girl had an aneurysm of the left ventricle and an associated arrhythmia. The prognosis was poor. Things started to progress very quickly at this point and within 2 weeks we found ourselves in the hospital delivering our sleeping 26 week old baby girl.

It all feels like a dream still. It has been just over a week since we had, held and said goodbye to her. I feel like all I can think about is when can I try again. Feels so wrong to feel that way. Did anyone else have these feelings. I am guessing it is a coping mechanism.

Sorry any of us have a reason to be on this board. I hope you all are being kind to yourselves on this hard journey. 

JabberJay

I am so sorry for your loss, but am glad that you have found this board - the girls here are amazingly supportive.

I too have an older child (DD - 3) and it was helpful to have her to keep me going during the rawest times of our grief. My son was stillborn at 36.5 weeks back in October, and throughout the entire pregnancy I had the same unbonded feelings that you describe. My thoughts were also consumed with wondering when I could try again. 6 months later, I am starting to feel 'ready' to try again (even though I have wanted to try the whole time, I am in a better place emotionally). Other ladies here have felt ready to try earlier, and others later. Your heart will tell you when the right time for you is.

Again, I am so, so sorry for your loss. Please be gentle with yourself - those first few weeks are so hard. (hugs)

JabberJay

Also, did you name your daughter? I would love to hear her name if you want to share.

cojourney24

Thanks for sharing. We just call her Baby Girl since that was what we had always called her. We may decide to choose a name for her at some point.

jbranden12

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. I delivered our sleeping daughter at 31 weeks almost a month ago, and some days it still feels like a horrible dream. I also started thinking immediately about when we could try again. Patricia was our first and we want children so much. My doctor said we could they again after one full cycle, but I have no idea what I'll be feeling then. But right now, nothing else matters to me but our little family. I hope this board can be of some comfort to you as it has me.

lrichmond86

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little one!  I hope that you find comfort from the many wonderful women on this board.  Sending T&P!

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littlepenguin2012

I am so, so sorry for your loss.  I hope this board will be a comfort to you- the ladies here are awesome. ((hugs))

tuscanbride2007

I am so sorry for your loss! I am also a long time lurker and new to this board. I have a 3 year old DD and just had our sleeping baby girl 5 weeks ago. I am also  struggling with the idea of having another child. We always said two, but never thought things would end up this way. I am very scared about going through another pregnancy. My DH and I are putting the idea on the shelf for a little while longer. I want to deal with some of my grief before venturing on that journey. I hope this board will also help you as you struggle with this difficult journey.

 

((hugs to you))

Gizu92708

Im so sorry that I have to welcome you here. Don't feel bad for thinking about when you can try again.I also had the same feeling and also felt like I was betraying my son in wanting another baby so soon. I know he knows how badly we longed to have him in our arms and after he passed our arms stayed empty. It's normal to want to have a baby to hold , especially after you carried one in your belly for so long. Please be gentle on yourself. ((hugs))

magdalina.h

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you find the support you need here.

 

It's very normal to want to be pregnant again. You were on this train to happy baby land and all of a sudden you were devestatedly (I think I'm making up words) derailed. You will feel guilt and think you are trying to replace your baby girl (what is her name?) but I promise you won't be as no one will ever be able to replace her.

cojourney24

Thank you everyone for the kind words. It is nice to not feel alone on this journey. My husband says he could never try again. Of course, it is still pretty early in this process, but hopefully he changes his mind someday. 

We did not name our little girl - we have always called her baby girl, so we thought we should stick with what she knew. 

blessedhope

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious little girl. ((hugs))

weddedwife

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. But I am glad you found this board. The women here have helped me do much since our loss.

 I read a book by a woman who had a full-term stillborn baby boy. They hadn't decided on a name yet, they had always called him Pudding, so that's what they mmed him. I think it's sweet. 

samakasrc

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Baby Girl.  We all hate to welcome people to this board, but we're all glad you've come here.  My son had a fatal condition that we found out at our 20 week anatomy scan. We decided to carry him to full term and he was born at 36 weeks on Dec 8th 2011. He lived for 35 minutes. I also have a daughter who is almost 2 now.  She's been a life saver on many occastions because I'm forced to keep going about my day.  She's a positive light for me that helps keep me sane. 

As far as trying again. I've felt that way since February. I've been battling this insane form of Baby Fever that I just can't shake. I believe its normal because your experiencing "empy arms" and its tough.  The only thing I can say is that you'll know when its time to try again. But give yourself enough time to heal as well, whether thats 2 weeks or 2 years... Make sure you give yourself that time.

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you find some comfort and support here.

pb127

I am so sorry for the passing of your sweet baby girl.  I hope you'll find some comfort and support on the board. Welcome (((hugs)))

I remember the "dream" feeling vividly and also feeling like we needed to try right away.  At that time, I remember reading that it was very common among loss moms, especially with late losses so don't be hard on yourself for this.  Take your time and be gentle with yourself, we're here for you.

nuttycoconut

I'm sorry for the loss of your precious Baby Girl. I believe the day I lost Max and Molly (when I was still in the hospital) I asked when I could try again. It's definitely a normal reaction. (((hugs)))