Single by choice

StaceySMC13

Is there any one here that actually is a single mom by choice, i.e. decided to get pregnant on their own because they wanted a baby and didn't have a spouse/boyfriend/partner?  I ask because I have and wanted to connect with other women.  I am a member of the single mom by choice website but I'm obsessed with being pregnant right now so I'm on the bump a lot too. I feel a little out of place because everyone is doing this with a partner or is single by way of a break-up.  

 

StaceySMC13

And if you ever want to talk about the process of having one your own, then I'm here to help!  I am staying on the bump but when I glance at the single parent board, it seems more about visitation and things to do with the ex than actual single parenting issues.  I will continue to check it out and look at the ones that would affect me too.  

Thanks!  

Yes this is an AE

Unfortunately, you are right. This board is more about how to handle visitation and talking about the BDs and not more about how to handle being a single parent which would be actually very helpful.

You are welcome to post any questions you may have.  

newenglandmomm

I actually feel out of place on this board.  I choose to keep my daughters bf  out of her life for her safety and mine. I havent spoken to him since I was 2 months pregnant.(There is a long story behind this and I wont go into detail just yet, so im not being a b*tch.)

I feel out of place because I have no advice or questions regards to cs or visitation or how to deal with an ex. But I do have the daily struggles of being a SP so I feel like I can offer advice for something.  

StaceySMC13

I'll keep checking then!  I am definitely going to need the single parenting advice and will post if I have a question.  Thank you all for answering and hope to talk again soon! 

 

shoehussy

I am single and pregnant by choice!! I used donor sperm! I couldn't imagine going through life without being a mom and I was going to be 40 so I just did it! I have a very close supportive family and great friends! Best thing I ever did! I just found out that I am having a BOY!! So blessed!!

m&m2006

my sister was 41 and not married or in a serious relationship, and opted to try and have a baby on her own.  my nephews will be 2 years old in september.  they are the best thing that ever happened to her, and i'm so happy she decided to go it alone.  the boys are awesome!  good luck to you!

dorothygayle

I'm a fellow SMC with a 2 year old and another due this summer!  Have you checked out www.choicemoms.org/ 

 There are also lots of SMCs writing blogs

 Good luck!

StaceySMC13

shoehussy:

I am single and pregnant by choice!! I used donor sperm! I couldn't imagine going through life without being a mom and I was going to be 40 so I just did it! I have a very close supportive family and great friends! Best thing I ever did! I just found out that I am having a BOY!! So blessed!!

I'm not the only one on the bump then!  Congrats - did you find out about the boy from genetics testing?  I'm doing an N/T scan on 5/18 but won't do the CVS or Amnio unless my risk is high and only to prepare myself.  I don't plan to terminate.  I used donor sperm as well - I'm 38, just broke up with my fiance in October, decided to finally just pull the trigger and do it myself.  Then my ex and I got back together but we're only seeing each other 1x a week so it's just me and this little tadpole I'm growing!  

 I belong to Singlemothersbychoice.org and am on the forums there regularly but I like coming to the bump because there are tons of pregnant woman as opposed to handfuls on the other site.   

FyreFlyeRush

I'm actually a single mom by choice, though my pregnancy resulted from a failed relationship. I found I was pregnant as I was deciding to end the relationship. When I was younger, I toyed with having another, but when I hit 34, and DD was 15, I decided I didn't want to start over again. I was actually planning to tie my tubes for my 35th birthday. Surprise! I was pregnant 3mos later. I'm still a single parent, and while I have baby daddy drama, I'm this way by choice. 

I like being single. I found life to be easier when I didn't have to always consider someone else. I like my life and I like who I am.  I guess technically, I'm somewhere in the middle.

expectingnothing

beccaga16:

newenglandmomm:

I actually feel out of place on this board.  I choose to keep my daughters bf  out of her life for her safety and mine. I havent spoken to him since I was 2 months pregnant.(There is a long story behind this and I wont go into detail just yet, so im not being a b*tch.)

I feel out of place because I have no advice or questions regards to cs or visitation or how to deal with an ex. But I do have the daily struggles of being a SP so I feel like I can offer advice for something.  

It really comes in waves. Right now there are a lot of women in beginning of the journey, newly separated. There are plenty of people here who have been single a while and are not caught up in custody/visitation stuff.

 

 

All of this.  I'm a single parent, though not by choice, and I don't have any issues with custody or visitation.  On the flip side, I don't have much to talk about regarding single parenting because it's all I've really known and not much to talk about at the ages they are now.  I can offer more advice to newer moms with little ones who are still adjusting though.

Melicakes

I am also a single mom by choice.

I did start TTC with my Ex H but then found out I had fertility issues. As we continued to TTC our marriage continued to deteriorate and we eventually separated.

I took a year to get over the relationship and then decided that I didn't have time to wait for a Mr. Right who might not exist to have a baby with and went on to try TTC again with donor sperm. The result is my little CC , the love of my life.

I wouldn't change one single thing about how she came into my life!

stephcash

I'm here.  Single by choice, with an education and a job. 

shoehussy

Yes, I did the CVS... they couldn't give me a risk factor because I have a twin in there that didn't continue to grow and my body hadn't absorbed it yet so it was throwing off my blood work. It was nerve racking though waiting for the results and I almost wished I hadn't done it but being a single mom I had to know.

I will have to check out Singlemothersbychoice!! I actually like the over 35 and pregnant board. Lots of women my age on there. Have you gone to that board yet??

 

 

StaceySMC13

shoehussy:

Yes, I did the CVS... they couldn't give me a risk factor because I have a twin in there that didn't continue to grow and my body hadn't absorbed it yet so it was throwing off my blood work. It was nerve racking though waiting for the results and I almost wished I hadn't done it but being a single mom I had to know.

I will have to check out Singlemothersbychoice!! I actually like the over 35 and pregnant board. Lots of women my age on there. Have you gone to that board yet??

 

 You have to actually apply for membership to the singlemothersbychoice website and I think it was $55/annual.  However, they have boards for Thinking, Waiting/Planning, TTC, Pregnancy, and then even after the babies are born.  What I do like about it is that the women are all just like me.  Older, single, and having babies with donor sperm.  Everyone is really supportive and they hook you up with a list of single mom's by choice in your town so that you can contact local members.  Depending on where you live, the groups can be really active, or not so much.  In Pittsburgh, they aren't very active but I have lunched with one over a dozen times now.  She is TTC now and we are the same age, both professionals (she's an attorney and I'm a CPA) and we work within walking distance of each other.

 I have checked out the Pregnant over 35 board and found some great info there.  I will continue to check there, here, November 2012 and 1st trimester for now.   

shoehussy

StaceySMC13:

shoehussy:

Yes, I did the CVS... they couldn't give me a risk factor because I have a twin in there that didn't continue to grow and my body hadn't absorbed it yet so it was throwing off my blood work. It was nerve racking though waiting for the results and I almost wished I hadn't done it but being a single mom I had to know.

I will have to check out Singlemothersbychoice!! I actually like the over 35 and pregnant board. Lots of women my age on there. Have you gone to that board yet??

 

 You have to actually apply for membership to the singlemothersbychoice website and I think it was $55/annual.  However, they have boards for Thinking, Waiting/Planning, TTC, Pregnancy, and then even after the babies are born.  What I do like about it is that the women are all just like me.  Older, single, and having babies with donor sperm.  Everyone is really supportive and they hook you up with a list of single mom's by choice in your town so that you can contact local members.  Depending on where you live, the groups can be really active, or not so much.  In Pittsburgh, they aren't very active but I have lunched with one over a dozen times now.  She is TTC now and we are the same age, both professionals (she's an attorney and I'm a CPA) and we work within walking distance of each other.

 I have checked out the Pregnant over 35 board and found some great info there.  I will continue to check there, here, November 2012 and 1st trimester for now.   

 

I will have to check that site out. I actually think that my doctor told me about it.  I have also met several moms that are 40 and older so thats nice too. We are thinking that maybe we can start meeting up since we are all going through the same things. Too bad your not closer to me.... Im in CA.... we could start our own group for Single by choice! LOL Hope all continues to go well for you!! I am on pregnant over 35 quite a bit. Keep in touch and let me know how everything is going!!

 

MelleTX

I am a single mother by choice-to be as a result of IVF with donor sperm. I lurk over here occasionally because I am single, but found it mostly be about divorce, child support, recently-single mother issues - not single by choice. 

My home board was TTC35+ but I am now moving on to PG after 35.  

StaceySMC13

MelleTX:

I am a single mother by choice-to be as a result of IVF with donor sperm. I lurk over here occasionally because I am single, but found it mostly be about divorce, child support, recently-single mother issues - not single by choice. 

My home board was TTC35+ but I am now moving on to PG after 35.  

Congratulations!!!  There really are more of us out there!  I actually was talking to my headhunter last night who called to "see how I was in general" (bull - she was trying to get me to leave my job) and here she is a single mom by choice.  I had no clue.  She conceived her daughter by IUI with donor sperm 3 years ago.  I was thrilled to hear it!  

lisa128

Congrats!  I also did IUI with donor sperm and it was also the best thing I ever did.  My boyfriend and I broke up and I found myself single and 39.  Being a mother was really important to me, so I decided it was the best solution for me.  I have the most amazing, smart, funny, gorgous little 13-month old daughter because of it.  It's a tough decision though, because you need to be ready to exchange a dream that you've always had (growing a family with somebody you love) to a new dream that is full of unknowns. Sometimes I wish that I could be sharing the fun with somebody else who loves her as much as I do, but that's about me, not her.  She's going to grow up knowing that she's loved.  She and I are a perfect little team and if somebody else comes along that is special enough to join our team, great.  If not, I've still never been so happy!

StaceySMC13

I love hearing that the women that have done this are extremely happy.  We obviously want a baby so badly that we would do anything for one - including doing this solo - so happiness is expected.  But it's good to hear that it really is that satisfying after the baby is born.  I can't wait to be a mom - I'm a little scared but not of doing it alone.  Mostly of just being responsible for someone else's life all the time.  I babysit my niece and nephew and have done so since birth but it's different when you put them to bed at night and go home. My ex-fiance is now my boyfriend again and he's being very supportive but I find that our relationship just isn't the most important thing right now.  It will work out or it won't.  The baby is so much more important to me and I know we'll be a perfect little team as well in the future!