Am I crazy (FI says no, but...)

BarbourWales04

A little bit of background: FI and I live in Australia, where he's from. We're housesitting for his parents while they're overseas. And in a total reversal (which is another post entirely), my parents are actually going to come and visit to help with the baby after he's born- he's due on the fourth, and they're landing on the tenth. They plan on staying for at least two weeks, which is fine with me, since I haven't seen them in nearly a year. Despite the difficulties the three of them have had, FI is fine with it too. I've had a touchy relationship with my parents for the last year and half because of their issues with FI, so the fact that they're even coming to visit is kind of huge.

The flipside to this is that my FSIL (who I absolutely love and is a generally wonderful person) her deadbeat boyfriend (charming, yes, but hopeless, smokes like a chimney, and likes to argue with my FSIL over pretty much everything) and my FI's nieces are coming to visit from their home six or so hours away a few days before my due date. FSIL has never been an aunt before and is incredibly excited about the birth of our son. She's been really supportive. My nieces are five and seven and incredibly sweet little girls- one of them is having her birthday on the 30th, which is part of the reason they're coming down. They are also incredibly hyperactive, and my FSIL likes to go out and do things- which is not a big deal, but I'm not sure I really have it in me to entertain my nieces, listen to my FSIL and her boyfriend fight, AND deal with my parents all at once.

The house isn't that large, so unless my FSIL and her BF and the kids leave before my parents get here, we'll have to put them with the neighbor across the street. I really don't want to do that, since my parents are specifically coming to visit me and the baby and traveled cross- continentally. And I'm not sure that I have it in me to clean up after four extra people (two of whom are little girls who are like all other little girls and leave a lot of mess) when I'll be ready to pop at any minute.

My FI, even, isn't really looking forward to the visit, because as much as he'll try to pick up the slack some snide remarks will probably be made about the fact that I don't really feel up to doing much, and the kids will expect to be entertained. And more to the point, I'd like a few days alone with my FI and son before my parents get here. Mom and Dad are coming to help with the baby, but I'd really like to have some time getting to know my son before they do. Plus, I can't really stand my FSIL's boyfriend, and the idea of him even holding the baby creeps me out.

Just let me make one thing clear: I have no intention of telling my FSIL that she can't come. Just because I live here temporarily doesn't make me the gatekeeper of the house. And I have no desire to tell FI's neice that she can't have her birthday with her uncle, who she absolutely adores. But am I being selfish or crazy for really hoping that they'll leave before my parents get here or that they won't be in the waiting room while I give birth?

Vive

How long do you expect your FSIL to stay with you? And how is she planning to travel to you?

If I'm right nearly every state in aus is back in school by July 30 so your FSIL probably won't be able to stay too long without her daughter's school being more than a little upset. Of course if you mean 30 June then that's more likely to mean that the holiday period has just started (depending on the state) which could see her expecting to stay a lot longer. (sorry I started to reply before taking a close look at your ticker.).

It does sound like there will be a lot to handle... People and expectations too. I  don't know what I'd do actually. Maybe try and get your FSIL to not stay more than a few days, or see if the girls can go home after only a few days, along with the boyfriend, so that you only need two spare bedrooms not three. Urgh. Good luck. 

BarbourWales04

Sorry, I should have clarified- yes, my niece is turning 5 on June 30th. The visit seems to be an open-ended thing. FSIL mentioned that they might "make a side trip" but I have absolutely no idea what that means. She's planning on driving down. It's a six hour trip.

I suppose the main thing that bothers me about this is the idea that I'm supposed to entertain and whatnot. My parents are expecting to come to AU, talk, hang out, and help with the baby- and nothing else. And my mother deliberately planned the trip so that my FI and I would have a few days to be alone with the baby.

I could be overreacting, but I can totally see FSIL and co. choosing to stay for two weeks or so. And I don't want to sound or appear like I don't want to see them, because I do- it's just that the timing could be better, especially since I haven't seen my parents in so long.

 

Vive

I would be getting your FI to speak to his sister, and have him try and get her to give you some more definitive plans and dates. Maybe even try and suggest that the side trip be a couple of days seeing you. And the rest of the time travelling elsewhere. 

Is your FSIL likely to be reasonable if you say that you're worried the baby might come early, or that you're already feeling really tired and will probably want to rest as much as possible before LO arrives. Maybe you can suggest that come the September/October school holidays you will be up for more, and that maybe you guys will be able to come and spend a bit  of time at their place (or nearby) so that everyone can see the baby?

MrsDavesAFish

I am not sure why you can't tell SIL that you are super excited for them to come and visit, but that your parents will be arriving on a particular day, and you haven't seen them in over a year... so you are planning on spending that next 2 weeks with just them and your fiance and your new baby.

You seem like you are trying to make everyone happy and not step on any toes.  But your in-laws spending a week with you guys (before your parents arrive, and possibly baby arrives) should be MORE than enough time.  I can't imagine your SIL would be upset if you were just upfront with her about how you will be spending time with your parents and that more people would just be too much company to manage.

 Good Luck!

MrsDavesAFish

Just wanted to add, after rereading your post... you say your due date is the 4th and your parents are coming on the 10th.  If you are a FTM, then it is pretty likely you will not have even had your baby by the 10th.  I think that is something you need to make your SIL aware of.  I don't think it is reasonable AT ALL for her to come a few days before your due date and then just sit around the house with her family, for possibly up to 2 weeks... while the whole time you are over-due and exhausted.  And then your parents get there on the 10th... can you really imagine your SIL's family staying LONGER than that?  If she is really planning on doing that, I thinbk she sounds nuts!!  lol  She has had 2 babies, right?  She should know better.  Just talk to her about it now.

JustAhopin

Since the trip is an open minded thing. You/FI should lay down some wishes. Just seems like nothing is set in stone, that it's open for opinions. Tell them that you don't expect to entertain, babysit while they go out (or that could be a play it by ear thing), and you two would like them out by a certain time. Either it be go home or get a hotel. Since she has kids, she should somewhat understand you're about due a that time. Also it's true, you don't know when you're going to go into labor, early, late, on time.

BarbourWales04

Thanks, everyone- I was kind of worried that I'd come across as selfish/ crazy. FI says that how I'm feeling is perfectly natural, and that he'll back me up. The last thing I want to do is hurt FSIL's feelings, but I'm not going to do the same stuff I would ordinarily do. I love my nieces and my FSIL, but I can't be a one-woman entertaining/cleaning/cooking machine, and I'm not going to deal with the stress more than I have to.

I am an FTM. Mom and Dad told me that they planned the trip so that if the baby does come early or on time, that we'd have our space. But if the baby is late, I would love to have my parents around when the baby comes- not in the delivery room, but I would definitely love to have them around.

My niece ripped my heart out a little bit- she asked me if I would make her a cake for her birthday. I told her I would TRY, but that we might have to buy her one, and she said, "That's cause the baby might be here, right, Auntie?" That leads me to think that my FSIL has most likely explained the situation to them and that FSIL knows full well that them staying for two weeks might be an imposition. But FI and I will make it very clear to her that we expect her to be out by a certain time.

 

BarbourWales04

Here's an update: FI told his sister (we both figured she'd take it better coming from him) that if she wanted to come for our nieces' birthday, that would be great- but that we only expected her to stay for three or four days at most, since I would be overwhelmed by the company so close to my due date and we both wanted a few days alone with our son, if he's on time. Apparently, she expected to stay until after the baby was born, and my nieces' vacation will end on the 9th (though that might not have made a difference, since FSIL has a tendency to keep the kids out of school if she feels the need).

FI said, "You need to see things from her perspective. She wants to be there for her nephew." My response was, "She needs to see things from mine. I get that she wants to be there for her nephew, but he's our son, I'm a first time mom, and she basically invited herself."

I probably would have been a bit more understanding about this if FI and I weren't moving to the same town where FSIL lives. Having anybody other than either set of parents there for more than a few hours is a bit too much to handle.