Dad getting custody back, in spite of guardian and child?
I'm not sure if anyone has dealt with this situation before.
FI's daughter lives with her grandmother (his mother) in a different town than we do. This arrangement began in December when we began living together (renting from my mom) due to finding out about the pregnancy, my getting really sick (from going off medications) and needing someone there. She wanted to finish the school year in her town and things were NOT good between FI/me and his mom. We, at that point, thought we were having issues with SD (but apparently, she was never mad at us - just really confused and trying to please grandmother) and so we thought some space would be best for everyone and she had a good point about the school year.
Now that it is nearing the end of this school year, I want her to come live with us. But, her friends are there, her grandmother buys her everything she wants and does everything for her (a whole separate thread BUT if she were to live with us, she'd have to get a job, do chores and we wouldn't be buying her crazy expensive electronics - she's almost 16) so needless to say, she wants to stay there.
If the kid and the current guardian (has temporary guardianship till July) want X and Dad wants Y, how likely is it that the court would grant custody to the Dad? If she does not get out from under the grandmother, she will be 45 years old, an irresponsible mess and still living with the grandmother. Which sucks because as lazy and immature as she is (his words), she has awesome potential which will never be realized under her co-dependent grandmother.
We can not afford to move to that town (as it is very pricey) and FI's work schedule changes so driving her to school wouldn't be an option (and I will have a 3 week old when school starts again, it's also 25 minutes each way).
I just don't know if we even have a leg to stand on in court.
Re: Dad getting custody back, in spite of guardian and child?
I think the best plan of action here is to let the girl stay where she is. She only has a couple more years left of school and to turn her life upside down right now would only do more damage than what has already been done. I think she does need to see though that her father wants her. I think at this point the only way he can do that is to put a lot of effort, time and energy into seeing her/spending time with her and just trying to build back up a relationship with her.
This is what I was thinking.
He chose to abandon his child and have his mom take care of her. Now, he is trying to play father of the year and have her back?
It really depends on the state laws. I had custody of my granddaughter for five years and when my daughter wanted her back, because we moved to a more "parental rights" state she went back with her mother. On the other hand, she was only 5 1/2 years so while she lived with us most of her life (and we could afford a MUCH better lifestyle than her mother) she was re-placed with her mother because her mother had another child she'd "managed to raise without intervention" and was therefore adjudged to be a "capable" mother (despite the other state's ruling and many people's beliefs, particularly with 1 vs 2 children in the home...and it was a good thing for her to be able to have a closer relationship with her sister and mother so for her it was a win in that respect.)
Your step-daughter is almost sixteen, not six. How long has she lived with her grandmother? Why does grandmother have guardianship? How often do you and your H see her? How strong is your relationship with her? All these (and more) will weigh into a decision as to whether a court will award custody to her father vs. removing her from her grandmother's house.
She's sixteen. Why don't you work with her and see what she truly wants? If she's going to be an upper-classman, she truly might want to stay with the friends she's been going to school with since she was younger so she can graduate with them. But unless she's a senior, she will have at least two years to develop friendships in her new school (this coming from someone who transferred at the end of her sophomore year.) If she's only been with grandma a short period (since the guardianship expires in a couple months) you might very well stand a fighting chance of overturning the guardianship.
If it's a possibility, see if you would be able to set up a revised "shared parenting plan" where your FI has guardianship but she can visit with grandma and her friends frequently. Or she can stay with grandma but visit you guys frequently and share holidays with you. This is her paternal grandmother so I would hope that she and her son can work something out to the benefit of all parties.
I am in a blended family now so I thought I'd post to this..my 13 year old son just went to live with his father because he resented me for packing him and his brother and sister up and leaving their father while he was doing time for physically harming me. My son had expressed that he was angry about it and the relationship I had with him slowly went down the drain
It was one of the hardest decisions I had ever had to make. Their father has done court ordered counselling and he and I have somewhat of a talking relationship for the kids. He was a lousy husband but a great father...weird how that happens huh..
I honestly felt selfish keeping my child away from something he wanted and needed so badly. On the other hand, his father flashes money in front of him. He gets him the best of everything, shoes, clothes, phones-right down to the phone case ffs. I see my son turning into his father, letting money rule him and thinking hes better than others. It makes me sad to see the comments on fb about how he has this n that when he knew I could never buy him the things he liked.
The kids do however resent their dad for being with a girl-I can't even call her a woman as she's 10 yrs younger than him and only 10 yrs older than my son-they have a 1 year old daughter and he has taken on her 3 yr old son from her previous relationship. The 3yr old calls him daddy and it upsets my kids like crazy. This is the same girl he cheated on me with and one of the main reasons I didn't want to be with him any longer and my kids see that.
I guess what it comes down to for your situation is she will go where she feels comfortable, and when you're 16 money and materialistic crap tends to rule that. Especially if dad has chosen a relationship with a new woman over her. I understand that we're never perfect as parents and we seem to think we know whats best for our kids but we can't control everything. She is old enough to determine who she wants to live with and if living with you guys means she might have to work harder at her comforts, even though its good for her to learn she shouldn't be handed everything, it doesn't mean she will enjoy living with you guys. Kids are our biggest critics unfortunately, they call it as they see it and they're usually right.
Just try your best to find out what you guys can do from a lawyers perspective and hopefully everyone can come to an agreement where you all are happy. Good Luck with everything.
Nope, SHE wants the kid back but never said what the father thinks.
Most states prioritize reuniting the parents and child, sometimes so much so that even in situations detrimental to the child they will try to accomodate a parent's requests... but that's a whole different story.
My guess is that your H's chances would be very good, as he is her father. His chances would be much higher if he was XX instead of XY, but again, a subject for a whole different post.
I would encourage you to keep a positive outlook and prepare well for court. The court should defer to him as the parent, as most states mandate by law that any temporary custody arrangement with a guardian, etc. is to be with a goal of reunification if possible.
He did not choose me over the child.
I wanted SD to come with us, we both did in December but when we found out about the baby, she said she wanted to finish the school year. We have made it clear she is always welcome and that we want her.
Unfortunately, she was just admitted to the hospital for trying to harm herself at school yesterday. We are about to leave to go see her.
I feel she wants to get away from the grandmother - she has even said as much BUT she doesn't want to leave her friends. I've looked at the budget and at Craigslist a million times and even just a two bedroom, one for us/baby and one for her, is way out of our price range.
FI thinks there is no way he will win in court if SD wants to stay in hs/with friends and he thinks even if SD wants to come, he still won't win. I'll admit, the judge seems really biased against dads in general.