Visitation Question

Leipock

Hello Ladies,

      Haven't been on here in a really long time. Mostly been so busy with moving on with my life. But I do have a question. My STBXH and I live three hours apart. Our biggest issue is a visitation schedule for our two children, 3 and 1. I refuse to meet him halfway for drop off and let the children spend more than one night away from me. I would like for him to only have every other weekend day visits. I have been told by a lawyer that the judges in my area ususally only go for that type of visitation for children of their ages. I want my children to see their father but not disturb their lives any more than possible. Am I being too strict or should I let him see them for longer periods?

riabiron

Your children have a right to see thier father and have a good relationship with him. That means quality time with him. every other weekend day visits will not help to create a good relationship. Unless his time with them is harmful to thier health or well being in some way, then yes, you are being too strict.

PrettyInPearls23

Given the distance you are from your X, I don't see anything wrong with EOW overnight visits, for one night.

If there's one thing I've learned from all of this, there isn't ANYTHING convienient about co-parenting. Is it a PITA to let our children go with the other parent EOW and "disrupt" our schedules? Yes. But it's also our job as the custodial parent to foster a positive relationship between our child(ren) and their other parent.

DaringMiss

Why do you refuse to meet him halfway?

amarissa85

yes, i know visitation is incovenient but you want the kids to have the best relationship possible with their father my divorce agreement states me and my ex have to meet halfway, i live in kansas and he lives in fl...thats 9 hours...

Leipock

Because I can't afford to do it, plus I also can't afford the extra cost for maintance on my vehicle. Plus one of my jobs has me working weekends, I can't afford to take off every other Friday and Sunday off to meet him somewhere.

PrettyInPearls23

Leipock:

Because I can't afford to do it, plus I also can't afford the extra cost for maintance on my vehicle. Plus one of my jobs has me working weekends, I can't afford to take off every other Friday and Sunday off to meet him somewhere.

Those were details you failed to mention in your first post. From the original post, you made it sound like you didn't want to make any efforts to enable your STBXH to have overnight visitation with his children. Not that it was a financial burden for you.

 

Here's my opinion, take it or leave it. EOW = four driving trips per month. That's 26 other days in the month that your schedule isn't "disrupted". I get having work conflicts, I really do. Is there anyone close to you (family, friends, etc) who would be willing to take your children to meet your XH? I guess I'm not understanding how you think a single day visit, EOW, would be any different in disrupting your schedule. Unless your X agrees, you'll be hardpressed to find a judge who will say "Sure, it's completely fair that he does 100% of the driving to see his children", especially since you live 3 hours apart. And to expect him to drive 3 hours 2x in one day for a single "daytime" visit? Ridiculous.

 

My XH and I live 1.5 hours apart and he has EOW visitation. He picks up DS from daycare on Friday's, and I pick him up in XH's town on Sunday's. This way, each one of us is only spending one day driving, and we still split the driving 50/50. You may want to consider this option as well. Would it completely suck up one day just in driving? Yes. But, co-parenting isn't easy or convenient in any way, shape, or form. You're going to have to compromise and figure out a way to make it work. You haven't said anything about your STBXH not being a good dad or being someone you don't trust your children with (which would change my attitude on him having EOW overnights).

CFjo2010

PrettyInPearls23:

Leipock:

Because I can't afford to do it, plus I also can't afford the extra cost for maintance on my vehicle. Plus one of my jobs has me working weekends, I can't afford to take off every other Friday and Sunday off to meet him somewhere.

Those were details you failed to mention in your first post. From the original post, you made it sound like you didn't want to make any efforts to enable your STBXH to have overnight visitation with his children. Not that it was a financial burden for you.

 

Here's my opinion, take it or leave it. EOW = four driving trips per month. That's 26 other days in the month that your schedule isn't "disrupted". I get having work conflicts, I really do. Is there anyone close to you (family, friends, etc) who would be willing to take your children to meet your XH? I guess I'm not understanding how you think a single day visit, EOW, would be any different in disrupting your schedule. Unless your X agrees, you'll be hardpressed to find a judge who will say "Sure, it's completely fair that he does 100% of the driving to see his children", especially since you live 3 hours apart. And to expect him to drive 3 hours 2x in one day for a single "daytime" visit? Ridiculous.

 

My XH and I live 1.5 hours apart and he has EOW visitation. He picks up DS from daycare on Friday's, and I pick him up in XH's town on Sunday's. This way, each one of us is only spending one day driving, and we still split the driving 50/50. You may want to consider this option as well. Would it completely suck up one day just in driving? Yes. But, co-parenting isn't easy or convenient in any way, shape, or form. You're going to have to compromise and figure out a way to make it work. You haven't said anything about your STBXH not being a good dad or being someone you don't trust your children with (which would change my attitude on him having EOW overnights).

Exactly the bolded section.  Judges generally will make the parties split the transportation, even more so when it's a 3 hour drive.  If you have a financial burden, the Judge will tell you to figure something out.

Given the distance, I think overnights EOW is perfectly reasonable.  Especially since you're unwilling to participate in the transportation.  Think of it this way: you want him to have only daytime visits and for the sake of argument we'll say 9 a.m to 7 p.m.  That's 10 hours each day.  But you want him to drive 3 hours to pick up LO and 3 hours to drop off LO.  So now 6 hours of his 10 hour visit are being spent in the car.  Hardly seems fair, right?