How do you deal w/ "I hate you" "I don't like you" stuff — The Bump
Pre-School

How do you deal w/ "I hate you" "I don't like you" stuff

DD did this awhile ago, but has started again.  She really doesn't know what it means - but she knows that its bad.  I'm not sure whether to make a big deal or just ignore it.

And, what about when she does it to other people?

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Re: How do you deal w/ "I hate you" "I don't like you" stuff

  • DD doesn't do this too often, but for now, when she says it to me, I tell her that it's ok to be upset at me, but hearing that hurts my feelings. And then I tell her I love her and walk away to let her cool off from whatever she's upset about.

    If she says it to another child or someone else, I pull her to the side and we have a talk about how it would make her feel if someone said that to her, and how we have to be nice to our friends and watch our words.

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  • imagebim38106:

    DD doesn't do this too often, but for now, when she says it to me, I tell her that it's ok to be upset at me, but hearing that hurts my feelings. And then I tell her I love her and walk away to let her cool off from whatever she's upset about.

    If she says it to another child or someone else, I pull her to the side and we have a talk about how it would make her feel if someone said that to her, and how we have to be nice to our friends and watch our words.

    Same here!  Smile I didn't think I'd be hearing this stuff from a 3.5 year-old, yet here we are...

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  • If it's to me, after I've given him a time-out or otherwise disciplined him I just ingore it.  I know he's just upset and doesn't mean it, and if I give attention to it and show it bothers me he will want to say it more.

    Luckily he's never said it to anyone other than DH or I, that I'm aware of, but he's done hurtful things to grandparents (like not want to say goodbye to them, or hug or whatever) and I try to take him aside and explain that it hurts peoples feelings. 

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  • WE don't make a big deal about it other than explaining that its not nice.  Right now the big thing with my girls (4 and almost 6) is telling each other that they are not friends.  We always simple say that they are sisters forever and that they need to get along and then deal with whatever the real issue is and ignore the comments.  It comes and goes in waves.
    Jenni Mom to DD#1 - 6-16-06 DD#2 - 3-13-08 
  • I tell DD that saying thingss like that really hurt mine (or daddy's) feelings.  And then I ask her how she'd feel if someone said that to her.  I then explain that sometimes we get mad at people, and that it's ok, but it doesn't mean we don't like them or love them or want to be their friend anymore. 

    I'm still not sure if she gets it.  Sometimes I "cry" when she says that to me because it really hurts me. 

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  • imagebim38106:

    DD doesn't do this too often, but for now, when she says it to me, I tell her that it's ok to be upset at me, but hearing that hurts my feelings. And then I tell her I love her and walk away to let her cool off from whatever she's upset about.

    Exactly what we do.  DS generally says it in the context of being mad about something.  We tell him it is okay to be mad, but saying "I hate you" hurts our feelings.  We also tell DS if he needs to cool off he can find a place to cool off.  Then walk away and it usually goes away. 

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  • I just tell my DD that its not nice to say and hurts people feelings.  she pretty much quit after that. 

    She did go through a phase and would say "Fine  - I'm not your friend anymore".     I always responded with "I'm not your friend I'm your mom. I'll be your friend when you turn 20!".   She has no idea what that means but I will keep saying that as its what my mom always said to me :)

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