family stress- i really cant take it anymore....

beany02

i feel like i've been overwhelmed with negativity lately, and im sorry to bring it on this board, but i need to get it out. quick summary of my life: parents are divorced but live in the same town and are both remarried, my 28 year old sister lives with my mom because she cant get her s&*% together, my mom wants to sell the house and barn and move closer to the city but my stepdad doesnt, etc.

my phone rings about 2 or 3 times a day with one family member calling me to complain about the other. my mom complains about my dad living so close, she stresses about my sister, she calls to ask me what i think about her selling the house and barn. my stepdad calls when my mom becomes an irrational lunatic and to let me know that he doesnt want to move. my sister calls to complain about living with my mom and stepdad, and to complain about my dad. i have told them all, LEAVE ME OUT OF IT. but it doesnt help. somehow or another i hear about their problems, issues, etc. and it really stresses me out. my mom is a bully and when she doesnt get her way she lashes out at people, so the whole house situation is making my stepdad's life miserable. im pretty sure they will get divorced, which pisses me off because he is the nicest guy ever and i want him to have a relationship with LO when she is born.

im almost to the point where i want to move far away from my whole family and just focus on DH and LO. this has been going on for YEARS and there is no end in sight. im afraid that LO's birth will just add another element of drama to this family dynamic...i will be spending more time with my family and hearing about their complaints/issues even more often. im 2.5 weeks away from having a baby....and they cant even be considerate enough to not stress me out with all this bulls&*$. my sister just called me complaining that my stepdad was mad about her borrowing his car....ummm really???? i dont have the time or energy for ridiculousness like this. any advice on how to handle this and get them to stop bringing their issues/complaints to me?

svenskalamb13

have caller id? ignore their phone calls. no more problems, except a nonstop phone ringing.

daisy080187

Can your DH filter your calls for you? Like if they are calling to see how you are doing or to tell you something nice or good news, anything other than family related drama than he can give you the phone.. but if it has to deal with family drama than your DH can tell them no you can't talk to her, neither one of us cares.. cause you don't need to be stressed right now over something that is completely out of your control and you have no dog in any of the problems! It works for me..but my husband also enjoys being the a**h*** to people not caring who it is, so he always jumps to the opportunity!

beany02

svenskalamb13:

have caller id? ignore their phone calls. no more problems, except a nonstop phone ringing.

yea i should just ignore their phone calls....but part of me feels guilty for ignoring them and i worry that i will miss that one important call that i should have answered. silly, i know.

Laxbugg1410

beany02:

svenskalamb13:

have caller id? ignore their phone calls. no more problems, except a nonstop phone ringing.

yea i should just ignore their phone calls....but part of me feels guilty for ignoring them and i worry that i will miss that one important call that i should have answered. silly, i know.

Maybe if you ignore a call you can send a text that says "Sorry, I am busy. Is it something important?"

That also give you an out of a text conversation if it's just complaining.

Good luck!

californiafrog7905

svenskalamb13:

have caller id? ignore their phone calls. no more problems, except a nonstop phone ringing.

ABSOLUTELY this!! You have much more pressing matters at hand than refereeing their bickering, and if it's truly that important to have you know something, most folks will just leave a voicemail. Or ten. . just be prepared for their calls to increase a bit before they finally get the hint and drop the temper tantruming; they're not going to want to change their behaviors overnight even when you need em to.

Think of it as safeguarding your new LO from the toxicity, and as doing something healthy for yourself and YOUR family by putting some healthier boundaries in place now, before things get really hectic. GL!! 

[Deleted User]

svenskalamb13:

have caller id? ignore their phone calls. no more problems, except a nonstop phone ringing.

yup - ditto.

if it is something of dire importance they will (hopefully) call back and/or leave a message.  my dad can be a huge pain in the a** just cuz he lives in his own lil fantasy world.  so i generally ignore them, not necissarly send to VM but just let it ring.  if it is something important he'll usually call back or text.

good luck and you def should be focusing on you, DH and your LO! 

ldbryan

This is H's family. They all call to complain about each other. I'm nt sure how you or he managed to get dubbed the go-to for all of this. He feels the same as you do--when it gets really bad, he wants to move as far away from them as he can get. I agree with PPs...just ignore as much as you can.