Room for baby

afrank731

Hi all -

I would like some thoughts/input please. My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years and together for almost 7 years. We both have children from previous relationships when we were very young (I have a daughter who is 8 and he has a son who is 9). My daughter lives with us all year long and does not see her biological dad very often. My step son stays with us every other weekend and more often during the summer.

 We are now expecting a baby together in November and are starting to discuss room arrangements. We have a 3 bedroom house: our room, DD's room and SS's room. I want SS to have his own space but he is only staying over maybe 4-6 nights a month and usually sleeps with DD in bunk beds in her room. So his room just sits empty for most of the time. H says we should just put kids together so baby can have his own room but I don't want SS to feel like he is being pushed away. And SS room is smallest in house so him and baby sharing are out of the question. Advice please?!

rachi1285

My first thought would be to move SS into DD's room, like you said. Why let the room sit empty even when he's with you? Do you think he's going to be upset? Maybe bring it up to him and make it sound like the move would be for him (wouldn't it be cool to share a room with your sister?)? Is there another area of the house that could be just his? Like a corner in the playroom? Or could you redecorate DD's room to be more gender friendly? I'd include him in everything as much as possible, let him pick out new decor, ask his opinion on how to rearrange the baby's stuff in his old room...

Ginlyn0

No, you should absolutely not put the older kids together to share a room at that age. You should either let the baby share with your DD or your SS, but I would recommend having the baby's crib or pack n play in your room until they can STTN.

 

Cheerilee

gin9874:

No, you should absolutely not put the older kids together to share a room at that age. You should either let the baby share with your DD or your SS, but I would recommend having the baby's crib or pack n play in your room until they can STTN.

 

 Agreed.   

CFjo2010

My concern is your long-term plans.  Are you going to be looking for a larger house soon to accomodate the kids?  Or will you be staying in the 3 bedroom?  I see your SS becoming resentful of you and your husband (and even the baby) later on if this is going to be the long-term living situation. 

fellesferie

I agree with you, and wouldn't put the older two kids together. Even if it would work out okay for now, it's not a viable long term solution. And choosing to share a room sometimes and being forced to share a space all the time are different.

Even with my kids, sometimes they want to take a bath together and it's great fun. But if they have to bathe together, you'd think we were water torturing them. 

I'd keep the baby in your room until he either STTN on his own or you can sleep train him. We kept DD with us for 6 months, and she transitioned just fine.

MH has 2 sisters and 1 brother, and they all grew up in a 3-bedroom home. He shared a room with each of his siblings at some point or another. 

Is moving a possibility? If not, maybe consider adding on or doing a renovation to enlarge a bedroom? If it were me, I'd maybe move into the smallest bedroom, add on a master bath, and then make sure the kids who share are in the largest space. 

acardona1010

We have a similar issue with only 3 bedrooms.  DH has 2 girls and a boy.  Both girls share a room and SS has his own room.  They come to our house twice a week and every other weekend (sometimes more often).  Either way the baby will stay with us until it can STTN.  We're hoping it's a boy though so he could share with SS.  I wouldn't take either of their rooms from my SKids though because they were there long before this baby.  We will be moving in a couple of years though once we've been in this house 5 years.

hterry85

gin9874:

No, you should absolutely not put the older kids together to share a room at that age. You should either let the baby share with your DD or your SS, but I would recommend having the baby's crib or pack n play in your room until they can STTN.

 

Agreed. I would just put baby in a room with the same sex sibling, and whichever two share a room, get the bigger room. This is what we will be doing once baby comes (and we move to have a 3rd bedroom)

Littlejen22

Your DH wants his 8yo son sleeping in a room with his 9yo step-sister?  How will that play out at 14 and 15?  Seriously bad idea for so many reasons.  If the baby is a boy he shares with SS, a girl shares with DD and the baby can sleep with you for now...or for years but you do not put kids that age together especially if they are not brother and sister raised together from birth.

FriskyPanda

Baby stays in your room for the first few months, until sleeping through the night or so.  Then moves into the room with the same sex sibling.  If baby is a boy, then DD and SS swap rooms.

sabrina69barnes

I'd ask the kids what they want to do and do that. You can always change things around later if it doesn't work out. The two that share should get the larger room even if that means moving things around. 

We have a 3br house. SD is 8, SS is 7, DS1 is 5, DS2 is 2, and we are expecting DS3 in a few weeks. I used to have the bedrooms separated by sex until about a year ago. SD didn't want to sleep in a room by herself and begged to share with the boys. She never slept in her room. It went unused for over 6months. It seemed silly to only be using two out of three bedrooms with a family our size. I made sure SD really wanted to move rooms and she did so last spring I made a big kid and little kid room.  If SD wants to have her own room again in the future she will but for now this works for our family. I know in my state there is no law about kids of the opposite sex sharing a room with the exception of foster children.

Littlejen22

sabrina69barnes:

I'd ask the kids what they want to do and do that. You can always change things around later if it doesn't work out. The two that share should get the larger room even if that means moving things around. 

We have a 3br house. SD is 8, SS is 7, DS1 is 5, DS2 is 2, and we are expecting DS3 in a few weeks. I used to have the bedrooms separated by sex until about a year ago. SD didn't want to sleep in a room by herself and begged to share with the boys. She never slept in her room. It went unused for over 6months. It seemed silly to only be using two out of three bedrooms with a family our size. I made sure SD really wanted to move rooms and she did so last spring I made a big kid and little kid room.  If SD wants to have her own room again in the future she will but for now this works for our family. I know in my state there is no law about kids of the opposite sex sharing a room with the exception of foster children.

 

I can see many BM fraking over this especially bc of the age and sex of the kids. It would be one thing to have two siblings but step siblings are different no matter how much people want to say there are no steps or hands in their house. 

Ginlyn0

Littlejen22:

sabrina69barnes:

I'd ask the kids what they want to do and do that. You can always change things around later if it doesn't work out. The two that share should get the larger room even if that means moving things around. 

We have a 3br house. SD is 8, SS is 7, DS1 is 5, DS2 is 2, and we are expecting DS3 in a few weeks. I used to have the bedrooms separated by sex until about a year ago. SD didn't want to sleep in a room by herself and begged to share with the boys. She never slept in her room. It went unused for over 6months. It seemed silly to only be using two out of three bedrooms with a family our size. I made sure SD really wanted to move rooms and she did so last spring I made a big kid and little kid room.  If SD wants to have her own room again in the future she will but for now this works for our family. I know in my state there is no law about kids of the opposite sex sharing a room with the exception of foster children.

 

I can see many BM fraking over this especially bc of the age and sex of the kids. It would be one thing to have two siblings but step siblings are different no matter how much people want to say there are no steps or hands in their house. 

It wouldn't just be the BMs. I'm sure there would be some BD's too. However, I would say the same even if full siblings. Kids that age of opposite sex shouldn't share a room because puberty is around the corner.

sabrina69barnes

Littlejen22:

sabrina69barnes:

I'd ask the kids what they want to do and do that. You can always change things around later if it doesn't work out. The two that share should get the larger room even if that means moving things around. 

We have a 3br house. SD is 8, SS is 7, DS1 is 5, DS2 is 2, and we are expecting DS3 in a few weeks. I used to have the bedrooms separated by sex until about a year ago. SD didn't want to sleep in a room by herself and begged to share with the boys. She never slept in her room. It went unused for over 6months. It seemed silly to only be using two out of three bedrooms with a family our size. I made sure SD really wanted to move rooms and she did so last spring I made a big kid and little kid room.  If SD wants to have her own room again in the future she will but for now this works for our family. I know in my state there is no law about kids of the opposite sex sharing a room with the exception of foster children.

 

I can see many BM fraking over this especially bc of the age and sex of the kids. It would be one thing to have two siblings but step siblings are different no matter how much people want to say there are no steps or hands in their house. 

OP said said her and DH have been together for 7 years so the kids have known each other since they were 1 and 2. I doubt they remember a time when the didn't know each other.  It would be a different situation of they met recently.

 

karatechrissy

gin9874:

No, you should absolutely not put the older kids together to share a room at that age. You should either let the baby share with your DD or your SS, but I would recommend having the baby's crib or pack n play in your room until they can STTN.

 

Agreed. The fact that they are step sibs plays a big part in my opinion on this. If they were biologically linked at all, I might feel differently, but the fact of the matter is, even if they are 'brother and sister' they aren't blood related, and that can cause problems.

Think of your DD. At 8-9 is when  started growing boobs and getting all of my girl stuff going on. How embarassing to have to share my room with an older brother, not only that, a not blood related step brother (no matter how close they are or how they grew up) and have to deal with trying to stay covered up and all that. No thanks. Bad Idea.

rachi1285

After reading other posts, I'm changing my mind! While I don't agree that step-siblings shouldn't share a room when they're young, I think 8-9 years old is pushing it, even for bio sibs. Maybe if it was a very temporary thing... My SD6 and SS4 share a room because we only have two bedrooms right now. (as soon as we buy a house they'll each have their own) And it's so hard to teach them privacy! Soon your kids will start to develop and that's awkward enough, let alone when sharing a room!

afrank731

Thanks ladies! We talked about it and will keep baby with us until STTN and then we will put the baby with same sex child. Also, we have an attic that we have been considering remodeling into a fourth bedroom.

Phantomgirl

FriskyPanda:

Baby stays in your room for the first few months, until sleeping through the night or so.  Then moves into the room with the same sex sibling.  If baby is a boy, then DD and SS swap rooms.

This.

Baby shares with same sex sibling in the biggest room.