back to work tomorrow...

alyson523

i know i haven't officially introduced myself here, and i'm so sorry that this board even exists and that not only do i have to deal with a loss this painful and emotional, but everyone here does as well...

i miscarried our little boy on thursday 4/12...two weeks tomorrow.  i only work thursday and friday nights and obviously did not work the week we lost him, but i also took last week off after we said goodbye to him.  

tomorrow i am scheduled to be back at work and the thought of walking into the building causes me such anxiety...i have a good friend at work who lost her baby at 26 weeks and she's been amazingly supportive...never making me feel as though our loss at 14 weeks was any less painful and emotional than hers at 26.  she will be there tomorrow and texted me yesterday to tell me that it's going to be very hard the first day back and that she spent 2 hours crying her first day.  i thought after 2 weeks i would be a little stronger emotionally, but i still cry everyday, and monday and today, i just don't want to get up and dressed.  

i know that my daughter needs me and i have been forcing myself to get up and dressed for her, trying to keep her schedule the same and act like nothing is wrong...we go out a lot more than we used to because i can't stand to be in the house alone during the day...i also know that getting back to work will make things more normal for me...i'll have the distraction of a 12 hour shift (and hopefully a busy shift) to keep my mind focused,

does anyone have any words of wisdom, advice, anything to help me get back into the real world???

thanks...

Tisharp

I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I don't.  Yesterday was my first day back.  I was only 9 weeks (baby was only 6) when I had my miscarriage on the 17th.  Walking into the building was hard, going into my "usual" routine was really hard.  Saying good morning to the girl at the circulation desk was hard, because it was routine.  I almost cried then.  I did finally cry when I walked into my boss' office to give her my dr's note.  She asked if I thought I'd be ok, and I knew I would be in the long run.  But I needed to get that out, or I would have exploded.  The rest of the day was hard.  I think it was hard because the last time I was in this place, I still thought I was growing a baby.  I was on my way to my first prenatal appointment, I had no idea anything was wrong.  Then my world crashed down.

But I made it through yesterday.  And I'm making it through today.  It's hard, but you can do it.  And remember, it's ok to cry.

alyson523

i feel like i have no right to be this sad all the time, but the circumstances surrounding his /miscarriage/birth were so traumatizing for me...i don't sleep well, i only eat because i'm supposed to...

i know it will be good to get back into a routine, but part of me isn't ready yet...i guess i'm just feeling sorry for myself today...

this whole things just sucks and i'm sorry that you're dealing with it too...you would think being in the same situation, we would know what to say to each other...but there is just nothing to say...