How to tell birthparents

teacherhollys

We adopted our son in March 2011 and just recently begun the adoption process for #2. We have a very open relationship with full disclosure. However, we are still working on developing this relationship and don't have the closeness that some people have.How should I tell the birthparents that we're about to adopt for a second time? Our son is our first and their first child.Thanks,Holly

slaintexas

Your situation sounds similar to ours.  We knew our wait for #2 would likely be at least a year, if not longer, so we didn't say anything at first.  After we had been waiting about 12 months, we told her and emphasized how excited DD was to be a big sister and how great we thought she would be.  Luckily BM was super excited for us.  In fact, she said "I'm so excited you would think I was the one getting a new baby"  :-)

I also told her that we were a little nervous about doing it all again because we already felt like DD#1 had the best birth family possible and we couldn't imagine getting that fortunate again.  (All that was absolutely true - we weren't just feeding her lines).  I think that made her feel really good.

Now that DD#2 is here, DD#1's birth mom enjoys getting pictures of both of them.

teacherhollys

I should add that our agency has pretty short wait times. We waited 5 months from the time we turned in our album until we were chosen. 5 months was longer than most of the people we know from the agency. However, there were a crazy amount of placements when we adopted #1. I know a few people who only waited days/weeks. I think from start to finish is about 9 months (including home study) is usually the average.I really want to tell them in person but I'm not sure if I should wait that long (mid-summer).

Dr.Loretta

I'd ask your SW for guidance. I'm sure they've dealt with this before.

Congrats!

silliestbunny

I'd keep it light and just say you want your son to have a sibling so you are starting the journey...

srmmm09

Obvs I can't speak for your BM, but as a BM, I'm very happy LO has a sibling to play with. I'd be surprised if she wasn't excited for you all.

Patches08

srmmm09:

Obvs I can't speak for your BM, but as a BM, I'm very happy LO has a sibling to play with. I'd be surprised if she wasn't excited for you all.

Ditto. My DD's adoptive parents told me when we were matched that they wanted a large family, I was thrilled when she told me she was pregnant when DD was 2 years old. I do know a BM in a situation where the adoptive family cut off contact with her when they adopted #2 because their second child's adoption was closed and they thought it was unfair to have birthparent visits for one child and not the other... Her story stuck with me and still scares me.