Would this be rude of us to ask?

FridleyMom12

My husband I will be 23 weeks tomorrow with our twin boys and since we both work full time and I plan to return to work, we have been looking at different childcare options.  We toured a couple of day cares so far, but we are also looking at using my grandmother as a private sitter.  I know she is really looking forward to the opportunity and she did care for my two neices until this year when my brother decided to move them to daycare for the social aspect (they are 3 and 4 years old), so I know she has experience.  However, my husband and I have concerns about the way things were done back in the day versus how they are done today and so we are thinking that if we do allow my grandmother to become our private sitter, we would want her to take a "grandparents" class at our local hospital - it is just like a parenting class for grandparents and they include infant cpr.  Would it be too rude to tell her that if she wants to be our sitter she has to take the class to be refreshed/updated on infant safety?  We would of course pay for the class but I don't want to offend her and imply that we think she doesn't know how to care for a baby... what does everyone think?

Tofumonkey

I think you are fortunate in that twins are a totally different ball game, and you can use that as an opener that she'll probably be more receptive to.

Tell her that you would love for her to be their caregiver and what's even better is that there's this "grandparents" class that you guys can sign up for together that has a lot to do with multiples, how great! 

groovygrl

I agree w/ pp re using the whole twins thing as an opener or even just ask if she has ever done an infant CPR & safety course and if she says no, tell her you guys are taking one & would love it if she came along so you're all on the same page & have the latest info.  There were 2 grandparents in our infant cpr class...  (oh duh I just saw it is a class specifically for grandparents, but would you be there? I would still frame it that way if you'd be present, and if not, I also like the way pp said to take it on yourself, the first time parent thing, etc)

But I will also say as a side note, not knowing anything about your grandmother, that watching 2 infants is no easy task, I'm not saying watching a baby & 1 yr old is (assuming she watched your niece/nephew from the start) and I've never had a baby & a 1 yr old but I do know 2 infants is tough...I don't know her age, her abilities and all that but my mother (who was 65 at the time) definitely would not have been comfortable watching my twins full time when they were infants so I think a  grandparent class would be a great idea for a lot of different reasons.

AlwaysSunny925

I don't think it's rude.  FWIW, we made our parents and siblings take infant CPR.  It's for the safety of your children.

google123

Not rude, but just ask it in a non-chalant way like you said. 

Jen9807

I agree with what everyone has said. Plus when you have two infants, well there is really not much that is harder to deal with, especially the first 3-6months. I remember being so stressed and upset when they would both cry at the same time and not being able to help them both. Congratulations on your twins!

jalaiaa

Not rude to ask. But I would just ask if she would mind taking a CPR class and not a grandparents class. For some reason that sounds a little demeaning (demeaning is too strong of a word, but it could possibly be offensive). I think if you asked about a CPR class and then said "I found one specifically for grandparents." That would sound better. 

amanda31H

google123:

Not rude, but just ask it in a non-chalant way like you said. 

This!

emilyec1

My thought is that if you are worried about offending her by asking her to take a class, you may want to think and make sure that she won't be easily offended when you ask her to make other changes. If she does care for your twins, I'm sure there will be situations that come up when you'll need to ask her to make some small changes in the way that she cares for them. Just make sure that you'll both have the ability to be okay emotionally when these situations arise. I think it's wonderful that you have the opportunity for family to care for your twins, but do make sure that you both understand that she should be somewhat flexible in respecting the way you want them to be cared for.

I've been mulling over the same thing so just wanted to share my thoughts on it.

SBBBE

Maybe you can alsol take the classes together.  

GeauxTigers82

groovygrl:

I agree w/ pp re using the whole twins thing as an opener or even just ask if she has ever done an infant CPR & safety course and if she says no, tell her you guys are taking one & would love it if she came along so you're all on the same page & have the latest info.  There were 2 grandparents in our infant cpr class...  (oh duh I just saw it is a class specifically for grandparents, but would you be there? I would still frame it that way if you'd be present, and if not, I also like the way pp said to take it on yourself, the first time parent thing, etc)

But I will also say as a side note, not knowing anything about your grandmother, that watching 2 infants is no easy task, I'm not saying watching a baby & 1 yr old is (assuming she watched your niece/nephew from the start) and I've never had a baby & a 1 yr old but I do know 2 infants is tough...I don't know her age, her abilities and all that but my mother (who was 65 at the time) definitely would not have been comfortable watching my twins full time when they were infants so I think a  grandparent class would be a great idea for a lot of different reasons.

I was thinking the same thing...I can barely handle 2 babies and I'm 33! My mom is fine "babysitting" (she's 61), but she wouldn't be able to do it all day, everyday. Is that what you're talking about? Or do you mean just occasional babysitting? If you are planning on her keeping them full time, I would have a back up plan, just in case it gets to be too much for her (the problem is that she probably won't want to tell you that though). Just something to think about...

flutepharm87

Our 68 year old grandmother is our private sitter for the boys while DH and I work. We got lucky and I was signed up for a parenting class at the hospital while I was on bedrest there and she went with me to that. However, I would have found a way to ask her (nicely, of course!) that she attend one to at least know infant CPR and what to do if they're choking (seeing as you can't give the Heimlich maneuver to an infant). As long as you find a way that's inoffensive, there's nothing wrong with you asking your caregiver to take the class. In fact, you must!