How to deal with bullying...any books? — The Bump
Pre-School

How to deal with bullying...any books?

We took DS to a party this weekend where it was raining, so all the kids were cooped up inside a pretty small playroom.  Three 7 year old boys started picking on DS because he was playing with girl toys (FYI - we were at a girl's house, so the only toys in the playroom were girl toys.)  Then one of them started taunting DS by putting his hand on the toy DS was playing with just to see DS get mad.  Finally, I actually caught them chasing DS and when I stepped in they started to chant "Mommy, mommy."  It was awful.  One of the worst moments so far being a parent for me.  I told the boys in no uncertain terms to leave DS alone, I spoke to the one boy's mother, and then DH and I made sure not to leave DS's side for the rest of the party.

DH and I have discussed this in length and he believes that this is something we will be dealing with more and more as DS gets older, and he's probably right.  So it is something I want to deal with head on, so that I know exactly how to handle it if/when it happens again.

Has anyone been in this situation?  Or have advice on how to handle this?  For example, I'm not sure how to talk to DS about it - I'm not sure how to tell him to handle himself if/when it happens again.  Anyone know of any good books or articles that deal with this issue?  Would love to do some reading on the topic but most of my books focus on development and disclipline.

Would love thoughts/input on the topic...

TIA! 

 




 

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Re: How to deal with bullying...any books?

  • No idea but that sounds awful, especially that 7yos would treat a 4yo like that. And it makes me so mad that a parent would not notice or stop their kid from acting like that. I hope someone has suggestions bc I fear this. Oh, and worst case and a different way to go but a great martial arts school would instill confidence. 
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • AZ123AZ123 member
    If you can't find a book, you can always just tell him a story at bedtime about a friend you know named Timmy and how Timmy was teased by some older boys that he wanted to play with and so Timmy told the boys that they weren't being nice and he went and told his mommy and daddy. Something like that. Apparently, at this age, they relate really well to stories of another little boy or girl their age with the same stats.
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  • Idk of any books either, but DD1 (3.5 y.o) is very quiet and mellow, and sometimes after pre-school, she tells me of things other kids have done that irk me. Nothing as bad as those horrid 7y.o bullies at that party, but still....

    I'm trying to teach her that if one of her 'friends' treats her poorly, hits (any bullying-type behavior) that she's to say "STOP IT!" or "DON'T DO THAT!" in her loud voice, and if they try/do it again, she's to walk away from them-- not give them an audience/target.

    It's tough- there are some rotten kids out there, and apparently useless parents...

  • I don't think that's bullying - that's just shittyparents

    No reason your kid should get picked on at a birthday party for goodness sake.

    I just tell DD to say "I don't like that" when people do mean stuff and to walk away and find something else/someone else to play with. 

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  • imageKathrynMD:

    I don't think that's bullying - that's just shittyparents

    No reason your kid should get picked on at a birthday party for goodness sake.

    I just tell DD to say "I don't like that" when people do mean stuff and to walk away and find something else/someone else to play with. 

     Regardless of whether the parents were shitty or not, the kids were still rather relentlessly picking on her kid, which I would consider bullying.

    OP, DS has been having problems with being hit and picked on by other kids lately.  We have been doing some role playing at home, practicing saying "STOP!  LEAVE ME ALONE!" in a loud voice and going to get help.  He seems to revel in acting out the parts and talks about what he needs to do on a pretty regular basis lately.  We haven't had any incidents since we started role playing, so I don't know if it has worked yet, but he certainly seems to feel much more confident about it now that he knows what to do.

    We may also enroll him in martial arts within the next year or two.  He unfortunately is the type of kid that will likely have a problem with bullying, so hopefully it will build a good confidence reservoir for him.

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  • We are dealing with what we expect is bullying now too.  Its hard because you would never expect it from 2-3yos but there is a child.  Since DS is two, he cannot express how he is feeling or events well yet.  I have just been around for the two times within recent weeks that the bully has decided to "bully"

    I keep on telling DS if someone is ever bothering him or making him uncomfortable, you tell them to STOP DOING THAT!  and loud.  If this person continues, he needs to speak with the teacher immediatley. 

    Now its one thing to have conflicts of interest, but when it happens on a consistant basis (2x now in our case), I am now hyper aware of this child.  First time was verbal...now she is saying that DS couldn't go in a fort...and its the same child.  With bullying, usually the child is acting out out of insecurity or if he/she learned it from their parents (apples don't fall far from the tree).  Either way, I refuse to glance over this...nor do I want to be the crazy Momma Bear.  Its a careful balance a parent must keep.

    I, today, will be calling it to the attention of the teacher/school privately.    Maybe the bully or DS could be moved to another classroom?  Either way,  I will like to know what actions the school will be doing to prevent this from continuing (and make sure its getting done) - because IMHO from my own experiences, if the bully is left allowed to bully, the bullying will not only continue but get worse, and may even turn physical (as it did in my case).  I have to speak to the teacher in such a way, not to go crazy...but once its brought to the attention of the school, further action can be taken. 

     

    For your case, I think you handled it very well.  I also believe since it is a one time thing (at a party), to let it lie.  You did the right thing as a parent, sadly though, there aren't parents like you...and will allow their child to act how they want to.

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