Lonely?

weddedwife

Does anyone else just feel... lonely? I feel out of place no matter where I go. There are so many topics of conversation I feel uncomfortable with now and they seem to come up so often. Even stuff I never even thought of. Like hospitals- that topic is now taboo for me, who wants to hear my sad hospital story? I even feel alone when I'm surrounded by people. I feel like a freak show.

I guess I'm just having a hard day. Got to work and there was a client here talking about her babies- had to leave the room for that one! Went into another room to welcome back a colleague after having surgery and the topic turned to hospitals- cue exit! I just get tired of dodging. I get tired of feeling awkward. After nearly 6 months of this I'm REALLY sick of it. The only time I don't feel lonely is when I'm home w/ my DH & DD. I wish I was there now.

I guess I just need to vent. Thanks for listening ladies.

pb127

Yes, absolutely. I wonder if I will *ever* be normal again and be able to participate in regular conversations. Maybe after menopause hits? Eh, probably not.  I hate being that person.  I am sorry I don't have any comforting words but sending lots and lots of (((hugs))) to you!

tubbsy32

ugh, I totally get that feeling!! Sometimes I am with people and catch myself totally zoned out and not "with" any of them. And other times I don't even want to be around others. You are def not a freak show though and if you are then I guess we all are

fluttergirlmoonchild79

Like Tubbsy said, if you're a freak then we're all freaks.  I've found myself honestly not really listening to people when they talk any more.  I think a lot of it is that I just honestly don't care about the conversations people want to have anymore.  So many things are no longer important to me.  I've also had to run away from conversations or avoid certain people or situations because of topics or possible topics.  What drives me the craziest is that people don't seem to understand why I do.  Um..........  I hope things get better for you.  {{HUGS}}

lhakers

fluttergirlmoonchild79:

Like Tubbsy said, if you're a freak then we're all freaks.  I've found myself honestly not really listening to people when they talk any more.  I think a lot of it is that I just honestly don't care about the conversations people want to have anymore.  So many things are no longer important to me.  I've also had to run away from conversations or avoid certain people or situations because of topics or possible topics.  What drives me the craziest is that people don't seem to understand why I do.  Um..........  I hope things get better for you.  {{HUGS}}

 

This....and yes I feel lonely even when I am surrounded by people who love me and who I love. 

barbie92

((hugs)) 

I know what you mean. That is why I don't ever like to leave the house. There are so many topics of conversation that make me cry. I feel like my house is my "safe zone" because I can control what happens in my house, and if people come over it is because they know what happened and are careful about what they say. 

jbranden12

Yes, I feel lonely. The only time I don't is when I'm with DH or my immediate family. Those are the only times I don't feel like I have to act a certain way to keep other people comfortable. We're trying to take it slow seeing friends, because I want to talk about Patricia and tell her story, but how do you follow that? I don't really want to talk about anything else. ((hugs))

barrona

I completely understand what you are saying. At work, I even avoid eating lunch with everyone or going to social gatherings of any kind because we have so many pregnant women or new moms in the office that conversation always leads there and then I have to make the oh so uncomfortable exit from the room. The worst part is that people always notice when I leave the room during these conversations and then I get those awful sympathy looks. It sucks! I too am only really comfortable when I'm at home with my DH. I'm sorry I can't bring you more comfort, but just know you're not alone in this feeling and I'm thinking about you. Big ((hugs))!

blessedhope

I'm so sorry, I know the feeling. ((hugs))

Petunia844

Big hugs, even though I'm feeling ok on the whole, I know EXACTLY what you mean.  Last weekend I was out w/ my sister and we saw a bunch of her old hs friends... so they all started talking about BABIES, what the babies were doing, who's pregnant... all about babies, I was standing there literally wanting to shrink back into the wall, hoping my bump wasn't noticeable so nobody would talk to me... then of course one girl turns to me:

girl: "so you're pregnant!"

me: "yup"

girl: "Is it your first??" *with big excited grin*

me: "nope"

girl: "ummm...your second?"

me: "yup"

girl: "is weird I'm asking?" *awkward giggle*

me: "no, my son was stillborn" *tears flood my eyes*

Ugh... it's so hard, all of these situations that seem so normal to everyone else can just bring us to our knees.  I wish I knew when it will become normal, but for now it just gives me anxiety.  Sorry you're having a bad day!

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tuscanbride2007

jbranden12:

Yes, I feel lonely. The only time I don't is when I'm with DH or my immediate family. Those are the only times I don't feel like I have to act a certain way to keep other people comfortable. We're trying to take it slow seeing friends, because I want to talk about Patricia and tell her story, but how do you follow that? I don't really want to talk about anything else. ((hugs))

This! I always feel like I have to smile or sound upbeat just to make other people feel comfortable.

 

weddedwife

Thanks, I knew you guys would get it!