Yet another q, sorry . . .won't visit DD, wwyd??

princesa2423

So I just posted the "Harassment" q, and I felt this q needed its own post. My STBXH won't visit DD. He only wants me to bring her over there. Now that all my stuff is out (and even before then) I don't feel comfortable going there. 1) He has his own vehicle, I don't, so I have to rely on others to get me there, and stay with me as I don't feel comfortable alone with him due to his temper. and 2) His g/f may be there and I'm leary of her, especially with the harassing e-mails. Because he doesn't like my mom, and I live at my mother's now (though on a different floor), he doesn't want to come visit. Curious, again, wwyd??

lilhockeygurlMOM

If he truly wants to see his child he will work things out with you even if you two hate each other. Maybe a lawyer will make things somewhat better...with visitation though.

lilhockeygurlMOM

You can go to court for this situation.

lilhockeygurlMOM

If you have prove of the gf's harassing emails you can getr a restraining order so she doesn't contact you. Or a no contact order if you want her to have nothing to do with you or your child. Or a order of protection if your worried about your well being or your childs.

PrettyInPearls23

Until you have a CO in place telling you otherwise, he can visit DD at your house. If he doesn't like it, tough shiit. I guess he won't see DD then.

LuluP82

Yup, just make DD available for him to visit. Until a judge tells you otherwise, you don't need to take her over there.

mdotm0904

PrettyInPearls23:

Until you have a CO in place telling you otherwise, he can visit DD at your house. If he doesn't like it, tough shiit. I guess he won't see DD then.

What she said! this was my exact situation. i took her to his house maybe twice and each time it was uncomfortable because he kept trying to sleep with me. so i told him all future visits (pre-CO) needed to be at my home, if he didn't like it, he could wait. He chose to wait. his loss, not mine

CFjo2010

Make sure you're documenting every single visit that he either utilizes or declines.  Be proactive in telling him (in writing) that you do not have transportation to get your LO to his residence and therefore he needs to come to your residence for visits.   If he chooses to not come see his child, you aren't withholding his child or interfering with his visitation, he is choosing to decline the visit.  There's a big difference.

I'm not sure how old your LO is, but is it possible to meet at a park near you for the visits?  He's probably uncomfortable going to your residence as well, maybe a neutral place would be better for both of you.  Assuming that is, that there is a place within walking distance for you to get to.

Edit:  just saw your ticker.  Duh, me.

achase123

If he wants to see her badly enough he will go to the moon and back.  Don't accomodate him.

littlelovelolo

achase123:

If he wants to see her badly enough he will go to the moon and back.  Don't accomodate him.

 

This. Encouragement is fine, accommodation is not. My XH Skypes with DD around our schedule, not his, because he doesn't have daycare, playdates, errands, and work to juggle. Also, being the primary caregiver, you have the say right now. As long as you don't outright tell him that he can't see her for no good reason, you're golden.