Dealing with the opposite of wishing for multiples

jcath

I was at a 1 yo birthday party this weekend and there were a bunch of other women who all had toddlers and most were pregnant again.  They went on and on about how they can't believe how I can deal with twins and they felt so bad for us when they heard we were having twins and they can't possibly imagine how we get through the day.

I was at a total loss.  I do think it's hard and I don't go around saying don't you wish you had twins but at the same time...I really think it's wonderful and I work full time so I'm not spending my day immersed in baby care X 2.  I love the weekends so I finally get to do stuff I've missed all week.  

Anyone had to respond to that before? So weird the things people say.

Switzerland87

I've come to the conclusion that, when it comes to pregnancy and babies, people throw tact and logic out the window. They just say whatever rolls through their heads, without even giving it a second thought. 

Sorry you're having to deal with such idiocy  

everam01

I've had someone say, "Glad it's you and not me!!"

LottaLattes

Switzerland87:

I've come to the conclusion that, when it comes to pregnancy and babies, people throw tact and logic out the window. They just say whatever rolls through their heads, without even giving it a second thought. 

Sorry you're having to deal with such idiocy  

This!  I'm kind if glad for being in bed rest prison lately because it keeps me away from people saying fool things.  The last one was unavoidable to me, when I called my mom to tell her I was being on bed rest, the first words (before I could say anything) was her asking if I had the babies yet.  Uh, duh, NO and that was a good thing at 28 weeks.

(And I am always tempted to say something really childish to people like, "I'm just glad my baby doesn't look like yours, how do you cope??" but I don't and just say it in my head

vakatiebug28

When people say "better you than me," I smile and reply, "You're probably right." ; )

MrsLnt

When I get "I don't know how you do it" I just respond that I didn't really have a choice in the matter. I just had to do it.

And if people who were going for 2 under 2 or 2 under 3, told me they felt sorry for ME, I'd tell them I felt sorry for them. Because I did all the newborn BS at once. It was hellish but I'm on the other side with toddlers that are fun and play together. I would think it would be a lot harder to get through a day with two singletons 18 months apart.  

MagPie08

I always just shrug it off - "yeah it's crazy but we love the chaos - its so fun!"

Which is the truth, btw

jcath

MagPie08:

I always just shrug it off - "yeah it's crazy but we love the chaos - its so fun!"

Which is the truth, btw

Well that is true and a good response.  I suppose people are talking more about themselves anyway. I mean you always think you are handling the most you can handle.  I probably am guilty of saying the same thing about triplets (sorry triplet moms!) 

GeauxTigers82

I Heart The 80s:

I have moms at preschool say things like this. They will says "Twins....I would die" or "I don't know how you do it" or "You must be so patient", etc. Truthfully, sometimes I like these comments because it makes me proud of myself. I have days that are really hard but I know I wouldn't change a thing. Does that make sense?

I actually feel stronger and more empowered at these comments. I stroll off with my twins and toddler, and feel like Superwoman (for the moment at least). 

Agreed.

PurrCrasher

I've been getting this a lot lately from my 3 sisters and some other family members. It's not like I chose to have twins (they were spontaneous) but the reality is, I feel blessed! I think it's really special that we all get to be mommies to more than one baby at the same time. The fact that we can even grow and nourish more than one baby at a time feels like some kind of miracle. I think it's amazing! I appreciate all of your tactful responses, gives me some more ammo for the next time anyone has the nerve to say something along those lines! At the moment I have just been responding with, "I think Josh and I are going to be great parents who do their best" or something like that, which is true but not nearly as effective.

turtle_1278

I was at a coffee shop and some lady said "Twins?" and I said "Yes, and a toddler at home too!" her response was, "I hope there's wine in that cup".  I couldn't think quick enough to respond but it's definitely a good thing they are mine and not hers!

ougrad1

All.the.time.  When I have all of them with me I get lots and lots of comments and they do hurt my feelings and sometimes even embarrass me.

I just tell them that it is hard.  I don't sugarcoat it.  People suck sometimes.

I like the comments when people are positive. 

macchiatto

I agree with pp that I feel stronger and more empowered with those comments. I"d rather hear that than "Twins must be so easy since they can entertain each other" (mine really didn't until they were almost 3 and even now, it's hit or miss with LOTS of refereeing needed on my part), or the twin-wishing comments any day. It's much nicer to be in the role of impressing people than having people think you've got it made if you're really struggling. Though I haven't had any of the "I'd shoot myself if I had twins" negative comments like I've heard about on here. Those I think are just wrong to say, period. But if it's that it seems hard, or they don't know how I do it with two, that's much easier to answer.

ougrad1

LMAO-I will have to remember that-hysterical!!!!

megs2011

everam01:

I've had someone say, "Glad it's you and not me!!"

I've gotten this when I have told people it's twins. People just don't think before they speak. We have also got a lot of laughter. The way some people are, I'm glad it's me and not them. I admit, I'm scared of of my mind but I feel blessed beause this was spontaneous.

kthappy76

People say a lot of stupid things, especially when you have (are expecting) twins.  It sucks that they don't choose to keep them to themselves.  I think most people have a hard time imagining anything other than what they've experienced, and don't realize that most people are actually able to rise to meet whatever challenges they face. 

lovemyfamily5

All the time.  My standard response to almost every type of comment has become, "We're very blessed.  They're wonderful kids and we are so happy."  This kind of leaves them at a loss, because where do you go from there?  :-)   I try to say this as soon as I can in the conversation.

emma12210

Whenever someone says this to me, it reminds me of the time DD1 was about 3 months old, and I saw a mother w/ twins (I think they were 5-6 months old), and I said "I can't imagine having 2!" 

So when someone says something like that, I think, watch out, I said the same thing, and here I am! Haha

The thing I hate more than the comments is all of the double takes and stares when I'm out in public w/ both of them. I want to yell "haven't you ever seen twins before??!!"

lkates921

everam01:

I've had someone say, "Glad it's you and not me!!"

I've had this said to me countless times!! At first I would get upset but now i usually say "You're right..i'm glad its me and not you." and I get a very puzzled look. I walk away before they even have a chance to respond. Like others have said, I'm glad when i get these comments now. It makes me feel good about myself in a way. I feel special to have been blessed with two babies. I know God picked us all because he knew we could handle it. And you're right..it's hard! really hard sometimes! But i have those moments where the girls do something so adorable that makes my heart melt and it's all totally worth it! 

You should see people's faces when i tell them my fiance has a set of twins that are two months older than mine! I enjoy messing with stranger's and their terrible comments. I feel like if i say something somewhat rude back to them..maybe they'll remember me and my reaction and think before saying something to someone else! Just let it roll off your shoulders! People are silly!:) 

mirnb

i had so many comments when i was pregnant including "sucks to be you!" and "there is no way you're going to carry those babies full term" (38 weeks thank-you very much!) people are so wrapped up in their own world they don't think. I just say good thing its me and not you. we feel blessed and wouldn't change a thing