What if you don't know what you want?

MaybeBabyTime

I'm a little over 20 weeks but no closer to a decision now than when I was TTC baby #2. I really can't make a decision. My doctor seems neutral though seems slightly more pro-repeat c/s and probably for convenience reasons. 

I have decided this much:

1) If for some reason the baby is breech, I will not attempt a version and will just have a repeat c/s

2) If I go into labor spontaneously, I want to attempt a vbac. However, if my EDD comes and goes, I'm not sure I want to be induced...and I don't even know the hospital policy regarding induction meds for vbacs.

So basically, if she isn't breech and I don't go into labor on my own, I have one big decision to make and I'm pretty convinced I will be no closer to a decision than I am right now.

FWIW, I am a labor and delivery nurse and well informed about both routes.

Any advice? 

penguinem

It kind of sounds like you do know! I loved this board during my pregnancy, appreciated the support and education, and would have known so much less about VBAC without it. I did successfully VBAC and I give some credit to empowerment found here. However, a lot of women on this board feel very strongly about VBAC and in my experience there aren't a lot of posts about being "okay" with the gray area about which you posted. I was in the same boat as you. I attributed it to the fact that I live in a large metro area with a large research medical center and some of the best healthcare in the US. I never had to fight for my VBAC! The plan all along was that if things work out/ depending on what happens we will make the best decisions for my body. I once posted about this here and was cautioned that my OB didn't seem VBAC friendly. The truth is, I was lucky enough to be in a place where everyone read the latest research and I had tons of options. Neither I nor my OB felt like we were "fighting" against the grain by having a VBAC, and it didn't seem out of the ordinary becuase of that, nor did it seem like the major decision that so many of us agonize over during pregnancy, and I do appreciate that and understand that a lot of women don't have that luxury. My point is, if you are a L&D nurse and already well educated and your OB is relaxed/ take it or leave it then maybe the best thing for you is to wait and see what happens if you would be ok with either. That's all that any pregnant woman can do anyway! That being said, my VBAC was absolutely wonderful and I'm so glad it worked out. I went into labor on my own at 39 weeks.

emaddock

I feel the same way.  I really thought I wanted a VBAC but now I am unsure.  A lot of friends have had RCS and said it was so much easier than their first csection.  I think a lot of my fear is having PPD again which I attribute to the csection but who knows.

Good luck with your decision and thanks for posting this--you are not alone! 

elisbu

Thank for this post, I feel the same way.  My OB is pretty strict with her VBAC rules, no version, no inducing, no helping labor along  with meds, no going past due date....etc. Which I am okay with, My fear is I wont be able to 'really' push because mentaly I will worried about tearing if things do go on their own.

annabelle.27

I sort of felt the same way. At first I was planning a RCS, and then I was undecided. I ended up planning a homebirth, but with a long list of caveats: if I have to transfer to hospital, I'm asking for a c-section. If the pain gets to be too much, I'm asking for a c-section. If I have a very long labour, I'm asking for a c-section. If I go overdue and they want to induce me, I'm asking for a c-section.

I don't think I have any advice that, as an L+D nurse, you haven't already considered. But I think either choice is a valid choice. Good luck!

MAprincess

I knew I wanted a VBAC and never waivered but I totally understand when people do.  No one can make this decision for you and either might be the right choice.  The one thing to remember is the c/s is always there.  If your doctor lets you go to 42 weeks, I'd suggest you do. If you go into labor, try the VBAC, if not schedule the c/s and it will be there for you.  And if at any time during labor it isn't feeling right to you, you can always request a c/s.

You need to decide what is important to you and what feels right.  For me, I just didn't want major surgery that wasn't needed.  You might feel the same, or you might prefer "knowing" what is about to come. 

Either way, you need to feel at peace with your decision and no one else (other than your DH!)  Good luck!

cchill01

penguinem:

However, a lot of women on this board feel very strongly about VBAC and in my experience there aren't a lot of posts about being "okay" with the gray area about which you posted. I was in the same boat as you. I attributed it to the fact that I live in a large metro area with a large research medical center and some of the best healthcare in the US. I never had to fight for my VBAC!

Haha!  Yes, some of us on this board are fighting very hard and quite committed to achieving a VBAC.  But, I haven't actually seen too many posts asking "what should I do."  Most posters are either uneducated about VBACs and looking for additional information...or they're asking why others chose to VBAC. 

OP - I don't think anyone here can help you make your decision.  You definitely seem to have all the information you need.  I would say it's a matter of reflection and probably discussion with your family.   And of course, some of it will be up to fate, as it is with all of us.  Good luck with your decision!

MaybeBabyTime

Thanks everyone for the support. I think a part of me wants to vbac so that my recovery is easier for me to care for my toddler. I'm not worried about the new baby as I've done that before and it was doable. But, a 33lb toddler who wants to be picked up...or play outside? I'm worried about that. Then again, I could have a traumatic vbac and still be unable to do things with him.

For a long long time, maybe about 2 years, I was sad about my c/s. I was sad that I didn't experience him going on my chest and the feelings of accomplishment that so many women feel with a vbac. When I heard about friends delivering vaginally, I was jealous. 90% of these feelings have gone away. When a friend has a vag delivery, I think "good for her". What a way I have come.

What DOES scare me is that this is my last shot pretty much at a vbac. I would vbac after 2 c/s (nor do I think my doctor would let me). I really like having the option right now but realize if I go on to have a 3rd, the decision will be made for me if I have a repeat c/s for this 2nd baby. I don't like to do things I am forced to do.

I guess whats next on my list is to really have an in depth discussion with my OB. We only briefly talked about it (I was 12 weeks along) but I think its time for a lengthier conversation.

Thanks for listening. And, I am glad I'm not alone. 

Luvmy2sons

With my 2nd. I was vbac all the way. I visited the midwives the entire time. Then I got to 39 weeks and said, "Screw this, i'm exhausted." and I scheduled my repeat c/s. 2 days before it, I went into spontaneous labor on my own. I got to the hospital at 4cm, and they said... "Labor or call the ob for a c/s?" I said, well, i'm here. Let's labor. So I did. It was long. And it was hard. And it was painful. And scary. And I got stuck, so they helped me along with some Pitocin (my practice will use Pit, but no cervadil or cervix ripening aids). But I was in great hands. And 23 hours later, I had a successful vbac.

Now I sit here at 39wk3d, more pregnant than I have ever been. I'm exhausted. Tired. And I can't believe i'm still pregnant. But my midwives will let me go to 41 weeks as far as I know. But if nothing happens by the end of the week, I may ask for an induction (like I said, they'll use Pit, nothing else). I've been 1cm since 36 weeks. This baby is just really comfortable. I'm more concerned with my anxiety. I have a previous loss, so getting this far is very scary for me. I just want an outside baby in my arms.

kcisthebombdotcom

This was my attitude about my first delivery. If I went into labor on my own before 40w I would vbac, but did not want to be induced (and my doc wasnt comfortable with induction either unless my bishops score was very favorable and would only use a small dose).

For #3, I think I'm going to push my doctor to let me go to 41w but stick to the same general plan.

buckeyechik

I felt (and still feel) the same way.  And here I sit at 39w3d, barely dilated, with no other real progress, being faced with the decision that resides in that grey area that you describe.  I don't like the thought of an induction and my OB doesn't really want to go forth with one, but at the same time I don't know how long to go without scheduling a RCS.  And I really dread the recovery time for a CS, especially with an almost-three year old at home.  

So I don't really have any advice, but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone!  I hope you spontaneously go into labor at like 38 weeks so you don't even have to consider your options

halvorsonl00

Im in the same boat as you!

I know:

1. if I am at or beyond my edd, I don't want to try a VBAC

2. I would be willing to try one if I go into labor early.

I have another ultrasound to measure baby next week and an appointment the week after. I tend to have really big babies, and this one is measuring about 3-4 weeks bigger, so Im hoping my ob will tell me she doesn't think I should try so I don't have to decide. Good luck!

 

lizzyjames

My first was breech.  When I met with my OB the first time with this pregnancy she informed me that she was very pro VBAC and I was a great candidate.  I was so excited!  And then at about 28 weeks I was asked to sign the consent form and I started wavering.  I know the statistics and I know my odds but I am terrified about going past my due date and rupturing.  It's just my fear.  So I decided to schedule the RCS at 40 weeks 4 days and if my body went into labor on its own I'd be allowed to labor and try for a VBAC.  For me-  this reduced that anxiety and the stress I was feeling.  

My issue now is that I am continuously warned how big this baby is already so I'm nervous that they are going to try to move up my RCS date- which I plan to fight If at all possible.  But I haven't crossed that bridge yet.   

 

Good luck!