Need Bedtime help......

bride711

Hi Ladies, 

Need some advice for bedtime. It seems lately the nights are extending much longer than needed. Dh and I alternate nights putting LO to bed. This is our routine.....

Bathtime after dinner.

Bedtime snack 7pm. While he is eating snack he either watches a bedtime show with soothing music or we read books ( 3 of his choice) together as a family.

We then washup-brush teeth, potty, sip some water, etc. Then we head to bed. Dim lights in room, sleep sheep on and we sing a song and say prayers. He picks out a favorite stuffed animal to sleep with him and his blankie.

DH and I whomever is staying in room typically stays with him until he sleeps. It's just something as parents we have wanted to do. Lately it seems that bedtime is becoming more of a test. He wants to climb out of the bed and not want to go to sleep. By the time he goes to bed it's 9-930 and is up at 5.

Just something to add- when he starts the climbing out of bed. We give him three chances the first one we don't really feed into it and we say "it's bedtime, mommy and daddy love. It's time to rest", hug and kiss, soothing stroke on head. Second time, we say to him that bedtime is time for rest. For him to keep head on pillow and mommy and daddy do the same, third time we let him know that bedtime is not playtime, etc. and mommy and daddy are going to step out of room if he gets out of bed. On all three chances, it's a I love you but firm "it's bedtime" At that point of us stepping out, it reverts to him crying because he is upset that we are leaving him. He will stand at his door and we let him and he is crying. We say to him that we love him, he is safe, and that we will check on him in a minute and repeat that over and over until he gets back into bed and goes to sleep. 

We keep it very positive and not negative but it seems like it just takes over the whole night. We give him reassurance but also let him know that bedtime is not a time of playing and climbing in and out of bed.

It seems to be taking us an hour and half to do bedtime.

As far as naps, he naps still but early on in the day and not for any lengthy period of time. We take him to the park and do alot of outside activities but it still seems like bedtime is a struggle when we would think he'd be exhausted.

 

Thoughts?  

 

MNgirl326

After we put him in bed the first time, if he gets out of bed or gets up, we put him back in bed but don't say a word.  We stay silent and keep all emotions out of it. 

It has helped quite a bit.  We transitioned  LO to the toddler bed about 3 weeks ago and have gone from 2 -3 hours to get him to go to sleep to about 30 minutes. 

I still wish we were at the point where he would just go to sleep in  2 minutes flat like he used to in his crib, but he is just not there yet.

Lo's bed time routine is

6:30 pajamas and playtime in room

7:00 brush teeth, sippy of water and read books in the rocking chair in his room

7:15ish rock in the chair with us to settle down with music on and lights out

7:30 in bed, kiss good night, etc

if he gets out, we put him right back in and don't say anything.  At this point he is asleep by 8 - 8:15. 

iteachk

Why did you decide to stay with him until he falls asleep?  I think that you staying in the room until he falls asleep is hurting him more than helping him.  For one thing, he's obviously wanting attention by climving out of bed so many times.  By giving him attention, you are giving him a reason to continue the behavior.  You are also making him believe that he "needs" you in his room in order to go to sleep.  How long do you plan to do this?

Obviously it is your choice, but how are you going to handle things when the baby is born?  This makes me think of my cousin, who started this at bedtime with both of her girls.  One could not fall asleep without having her back scratched; the other needed her hair stroked in order to fall asleep.  My cousin stayed in one bed, her DH in the other.  And they stayed there all night.  Until the kids turned 8 and 10 and they finally weaned them off of that routine.  And now they're marriage is in trouble b/c they basically haven't seen each other after 8 pm for 10 years.

My advice:  Keep the routine, but gradually cut back the time that you spend in his room until you can leave him as soon as his routine is done.  You will not regret it.

 

MNgirl326

ITeachK:

Why did you decide to stay with him until he falls asleep?  I think that you staying in the room until he falls asleep is hurting him more than helping him.  For one thing, he's obviously wanting attention by climving out of bed so many times.  By giving him attention, you are giving him a reason to continue the behavior.  You are also making him believe that he "needs" you in his room in order to go to sleep.  How long do you plan to do this?

Obviously it is your choice, but how are you going to handle things when the baby is born?  This makes me think of my cousin, who started this at bedtime with both of her girls.  One could not fall asleep without having her back scratched; the other needed her hair stroked in order to fall asleep.  My cousin stayed in one bed, her DH in the other.  And they stayed there all night.  Until the kids turned 8 and 10 and they finally weaned them off of that routine.  And now they're marriage is in trouble b/c they basically haven't seen each other after 8 pm for 10 years.

My advice:  Keep the routine, but gradually cut back the time that you spend in his room until you can leave him as soon as his routine is done.  You will not regret it.

 

Not always the case.  I have to stay in LO's room because right now he is fearless and if left unattended will climb on the bookshelf, and dresser (he has even climbed the baby gate at his door).  I stay in his room but sit on the rocking chair and like I said in my post, I don't say a word to him if he gets out of bed.  I just put him right back in bed (supernanny style, just in the room).

iteachk

abartow:

ITeachK:

Why did you decide to stay with him until he falls asleep?  I think that you staying in the room until he falls asleep is hurting him more than helping him.  For one thing, he's obviously wanting attention by climving out of bed so many times.  By giving him attention, you are giving him a reason to continue the behavior.  You are also making him believe that he "needs" you in his room in order to go to sleep.  How long do you plan to do this?

Obviously it is your choice, but how are you going to handle things when the baby is born?  This makes me think of my cousin, who started this at bedtime with both of her girls.  One could not fall asleep without having her back scratched; the other needed her hair stroked in order to fall asleep.  My cousin stayed in one bed, her DH in the other.  And they stayed there all night.  Until the kids turned 8 and 10 and they finally weaned them off of that routine.  And now they're marriage is in trouble b/c they basically haven't seen each other after 8 pm for 10 years.

My advice:  Keep the routine, but gradually cut back the time that you spend in his room until you can leave him as soon as his routine is done.  You will not regret it.

 

Not always the case.  I have to stay in LO's room because right now he is fearless and if left unattended will climb on the bookshelf, and dresser (he has even climbed the baby gate at his door).  I stay in his room but sit on the rocking chair and like I said in my post, I don't say a word to him if he gets out of bed.  I just put him right back in bed (supernanny style, just in the room).

Yikes!  I can't imagine.  How long does it take him to fall asleep?

MNgirl326

ITeachK:

abartow:

ITeachK:

Why did you decide to stay with him until he falls asleep?  I think that you staying in the room until he falls asleep is hurting him more than helping him.  For one thing, he's obviously wanting attention by climving out of bed so many times.  By giving him attention, you are giving him a reason to continue the behavior.  You are also making him believe that he "needs" you in his room in order to go to sleep.  How long do you plan to do this?

Obviously it is your choice, but how are you going to handle things when the baby is born?  This makes me think of my cousin, who started this at bedtime with both of her girls.  One could not fall asleep without having her back scratched; the other needed her hair stroked in order to fall asleep.  My cousin stayed in one bed, her DH in the other.  And they stayed there all night.  Until the kids turned 8 and 10 and they finally weaned them off of that routine.  And now they're marriage is in trouble b/c they basically haven't seen each other after 8 pm for 10 years.

My advice:  Keep the routine, but gradually cut back the time that you spend in his room until you can leave him as soon as his routine is done.  You will not regret it.

 

Not always the case.  I have to stay in LO's room because right now he is fearless and if left unattended will climb on the bookshelf, and dresser (he has even climbed the baby gate at his door).  I stay in his room but sit on the rocking chair and like I said in my post, I don't say a word to him if he gets out of bed.  I just put him right back in bed (supernanny style, just in the room).

Yikes!  I can't imagine.  How long does it take him to fall asleep?

Like I said in my response to OP we are down to about 30 minutes.  The first night it was 5 hours (gasp!) and then it dropped to 1-2 hours and now 30 minutes. 
I didn't even want to have him in a toddler bed yet, but he climbed out and fell out 1 to many times for my liking.

Our system is not perfect, but it is working.   Hopefully, he will be back to going to sleep with in 5 minutes soon.

katlizabeth

ITeachK:

Why did you decide to stay with him until he falls asleep?  I think that you staying in the room until he falls asleep is hurting him more than helping him.  For one thing, he's obviously wanting attention by climving out of bed so many times.  By giving him attention, you are giving him a reason to continue the behavior.  You are also making him believe that he "needs" you in his room in order to go to sleep.  How long do you plan to do this?

My advice:  Keep the routine, but gradually cut back the time that you spend in his room until you can leave him as soon as his routine is done.  You will not regret it.

 

I tend to agree with this. You stated it was a parenting decision that you and your dh made, which I would not criticize a bit. But I feel that maybe the decision you made some time ago needs to be reevaluated based on your lo's current needs. 

Abinormal

Your LO is old enough now that he understands that although he may not see you, you are still there. I would say to lay him down, give him the love, kisses, comforts, etc. that he needs and then say, "Mommy/Daddy is going to go now so that you can go to sleep like a big boy, if you get out of bed mommy/daddy will put you right back to bed because it's important that you get a good night's sleep." After that, put him back in bed, no communication, every time he gets up. I promise that he won't suddenly think that you don't love him. You may be surprised how quickly he can adapt to a new situation. I can understand wanting to stay with him till he's asleep, but he's getting older and it's also important that he learn how to soothe himself to sleep.  

gremaud07

I agree with the ladies. DS gets a medicine, bath, 2 stories, and lights out. He has one in his bed if he wants more light before bedtime. 

 

If he wakes or decides to stand by the door then one of us goes in no words and gives kisses and walks out. Now if he continues we wait a few minutes and do the same. The sleep lady told us no words and no eye contact since that is stimulation.

Our son was a horrible sleeper from the beginning  I had to sleep with him for three months last year and we seeked help.  We did a very gentle CIO and it has helped tremendously. 

cadgirl

Chiming in here with a question... what about your LO's who talk/sing/cry/yell during the time they're supposed to be asleep?  When we put him in bed, he usually cries some - at which point we go in and tell him it's time for bed and to settle down.  So he stops crying (also showing they were only crocodile tears) and begins talking or other things.

Do you address that at all?