HB and family

MelissaV10

DH and I decided to go with a HB.  My side of the family is totally fine and encouraging about it, DH's side of the family is very... discouraging about going with a HB.  This is our first LO and I guess I need some ideas to keep the IL's from trying to sway DH away from a HB.  Is there anyone else on here planning on going with a natural HB?

annabelle.27

I had a homebirth and my family- mostly my dad- were not supportive at all. My dad actually kind of hit the roof in learning that I was seeing a midwife instead of a doctor, and that was when he thought I would be delivering in a hospital. My solution? I simply didn't talk about my birth plans with anyone I didn't think would be supportive, and that included my family. By the time my parents found out about the homebirth (after my son was born) it was really too late to say too much about it (although my dad still "encouraged" me to go to the hospital, "just to get checked out." lol).

MelissaV10

That is what I've been considering doing with DH's family, just not telling them anything until after it's too late!  It's just hard to skirt around it when they ask questions.  I don't really want to lie to them or tell them to bug off.

amber323

I found it best not to talk about it with most people, you don't have to lie but you don't have to be direct either, no matter what your going to have unsupportive people because unfortunately home births aren't very common and people just aren't educated about it enough, just stick to what you know is right no matter what people say

Jcrab

I know my family and coworkers can't handle the idea of HB, so they won't know until after baby is born. I hate that I have to keep it a secret but it is better for all involved this way. GL with your decision!

Tash13

I have told less than 5 people that we're planning a home birth, none of which are in my family.  I know they wouldn't be supportive and I don't need their negativity when their opinion isn't even relevant.  I'm thinking about telling my mom if there's a chance she'll be here for the birth so she's not caught off guard and I can explain the process beforehand but haven't decided.  I don't think it's anybody's business but your own so it's your prerogative if you want them to know.  When asked where we're delivering, we still answer with "we're still exploring our options".  It's sort of true? i'm exploring what tub I want and if I want to have my son at home with us or at my in-laws  

MelissaV10

Tash13:

I have told less than 5 people that we're planning a home birth, none of which are in my family.  I know they wouldn't be supportive and I don't need their negativity when their opinion isn't even relevant.  I'm thinking about telling my mom if there's a chance she'll be here for the birth so she's not caught off guard and I can explain the process beforehand but haven't decided.  I don't think it's anybody's business but your own so it's your prerogative if you want them to know.  When asked where we're delivering, we still answer with "we're still exploring our options".  It's sort of true? i'm exploring what tub I want and if I want to have my son at home with us or at my in-laws  

 I love this!  That's a great option  Thanks! 

stahlop

My mother actually said to me that if the baby died (because I had a home birth) it would be all my fault for not being at a hospital.

Just remind your DH that you made this decision together, and, I'm assuming, not lightly.  Remind him of all the reasons you decided on a home birth if he ever starts thinking the other way.  And, if all else fails, you just remind him that you are having a home birth whether he likes it or not :P

julyjennifer

After we told my parents we were pg this time around, my mom said "You're not having a homebirth, are you?" because of a comment I'd made awhile back when she sounded appalled at our neighbors birthing at home.  So I told her yes, we were, and she wasn't thrilled but I told her it was a research-based decision on our part and we felt very comfortable with it and would appreciate their support. She is a nurse but really didn't know much about homebirth.  I was annoyed not to have her support, because she had been fairly supportive with our first pg and encouraged me to go with a midwife rather than an OB (that was a hospital birth).  Later on I sat down with her and gave her some information about it and told her she could come to one of our prenatal appointments or she could call our midwife if she had any specific concerns (my midwife offered to chat with her).  She did call the mw and just chatted with her, I think it helped. After that she at least kept her mouth shut about her views on it.

My husband somehow forgot to mention it to his parents, so the first they heard of our plans was about a month before when he mentioned something offhand about getting stuff ready for the home birth.  He thought they already knew.  They kind of freaked out, especially his dad, which was kind of stressful and made my husband question our choice just a little tiny bit (but not really), just kind of the "what if something happens" thoughts.  I told DH that if he was getting a negative vibe from his dad to please not share it with me, instead to vent to our neighbor dad (the other homebirth ones). I kind of wished we hadn't told DH's parents at all until after, if I'd known they were going to be like that about it.  It all worked out fine in the end though, and after the fact his dad was bragging to his friends about his grandson born at home.  

I like the "still exploring our options" deflection that PP suggested in response to questions!