Ectopic. I just lost my first Baby...

ireallywantapug

Hi everyone....

I'm new here, and haven't done the  requisite lurking before posting here. I hope this is one of the less snarky boards and I will be forgiven for this.

Yesterday's scheduled ultrasound led to no evidence of pregnancy in my uterus. I was sent to the hospital and a hi-res scan showed it was in my right fallopian tube. I was given a methotrexate shot to terminate....my tube has not ruptured, but is still at a small risk for it to happen over the next few days. Fingers crossed for no complications. I can't afford to lose a tube - we've had enough problems already.

I was almost 7 weeks along.

They kept telling me my spotting was normal - don't worry. My HCG was rising, despite the numbers seeming rather low low to me - don't worry. I wasn't in any pain at any point. I had crazy pregnancy symptoms right from the start and hoped so much that meant my little embryo was snuggled in tight.

But I was right to worry. I knew I was worrying for a reason and couldn't "just calm down".
PCOS and two years TTC....then I fall into the 1-2% for ectopics? And I don't even have one of the few risk factors that are known for it! Whose ass do I need to start kissing to get my baby????

I hate the universe and my heart is shattered into a million pieces. I will never forget this baby that meant the world to my husband and I. We will try again when we're allowed in three months. But this time we're not dragging our heels on fertility interventions. Whatever we need to do, we will do it. Our hearts can't wait another two years for a second miracle. 

Will somebody please tell me when this will stop hurting so badly???

Laurakat81

(((hugs))) I'm so sorry for your loss. My 3rd loss was an ectopic. I wish I knew when it stopped hurting. But it does get better.

CCline09

I am so sorry. I lost my first baby around the same time you did. It is truly awful.

RickandTricia

I am so sorry for your loss.

dmgalley25

I am sorry for your loss. I know how you feel. I went to the er for spotting and they told me to stop worrying (I had blood work and us) the baby was very healthy. A week and a half later the hb was gone  

This is a very good board. I probably post way more than I should and nobody is ever snarky to me. (and I thank you all for that!)

 

ireallywantapug

Thank you everyone for your kind words.

 I feel so alone right now. We have great friends and I know they care, but this wasn't "real" to anyone but me and my husband.

 Its so horribly isolating....

 And I'm terrified of how long our second miracle will take to happen. I never thought anything could make my heart hurt more than infertility, but I was so horribly wrong.... 

 

 

 

PSU Export

I'm so sorry. We had an ectopic after a year at of trying. I know that is not the same as two years. But we felt the hopelessness that you are experiencing. It is hard to have faith that a successful pregnancy will occur. Considering you situation I think you a wise to look into all your future options. We were fortunate to get pregnant 3 cycles later. We figured it would be another year or so. And we now have a crazy fun 2 year old. 

But as far as bad news, found out Friday we had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks so I am again devastated.

Wishing you the very best.  

ireallywantapug

I'm so sorry to hear that PSU. Why is it that so many wonderful people seem to be dragged through multiple heartbreaks? When we all know people out there who never have one and don't appreciate their children half as much as they should. I know it's a bitter thing to say......but I just can't help but feel that way. 

PSU Export

I know.  It is hard when you hear about all these people who weren't even trying.  Or bragging about getting pregnant on first try.  All I can think is "do you have to rub it in?"  

Holly325

Prayers for you! My 3rd loss was ectopic, I dont think its something you ever get over but it will get better. I still have sad days. We are going to start ttc next month its been over 7 months since the ectopic. Will be praying for a healthy baby in your future!