&^*^#$(*)(*#%#

jellolz

SO. FRUSTRATED.

Long story short- my intended parents had to pay almost 50K for maternity insurance for me since I acting as a surrogate. Ok. So. Now they are refusing to pay for my appointment with my MFM because they don't see a reason I should see a specialist. UHM. Because there are two babies in there, and that makes a pregnancy high risk, you idiots. They shouldn't even care anyways, because the first 30K of my care comes from an escrow account, so it's just like paying cash. (And this is my care only, not the babies.) So I just had to write a long freaking email explaining why I need to see two different doctors. Plus the fact that seeing an MFM is just a good idea, there is no NICU where I live, so I'd like to have a relationship with a doctor if I end up in the bigger city where my MFM is to deliver.

/vent. I had to get it out somewhere or I was going to scream.

GypsyEsq

Oh my...this is seriously not a place where they should be pinching pennies.  Any chance that your OB could call them and explain that an MFM is standard of care?  I'm so sorry you're in this position considering the completely awesome thing you're doing for them.

jessican08

GypsyEsq:

Oh my...this is seriously not a place where they should be pinching pennies.  Any chance that your OB could call them and explain that an MFM is standard of care?  I'm so sorry you're in this position considering the completely awesome thing you're doing for them.

This!

An MFM wasn't even an option for me - my OB/GYN's office requires it if you're high risk or they won't accept you as a patient. I'm sorry you're stuck in the position of having to justify your care. I hope they see how important it is - especially considering everything they've gone through (and you too) to get to this point.

jbrennan312

I am so sorry... how frustrating!

scorch

I didnt have an MFM.  And Im glad that I didnt have to pay to have the extra monitoring.  My pregnancy was perfect though and I had my babies at 38 weeks.  It is only my opinion that if your pregnancy is going well and you have a smart dr, you might not need an MFM.  

A great OB makes all the difference in the world. 

jdancer5

So sorry you're going through this. Maybe some of the experts on this board know where you could find some good supporting documentation online? At least then you could let the research speak for itself instead of you carrying the burden of explaining the importance of the MFM?? Best of luck to you in your incredibly selfless journey.

cookie_queen

scorch:

I didnt have an MFM.  And Im glad that I didnt have to pay to have the extra monitoring.  My pregnancy was perfect though and I had my babies at 38 weeks.  It is only my opinion that if your pregnancy is going well and you have a smart dr, you might not need an MFM.  

A great OB makes all the difference in the world. 

While this is always the desired outcome, it is not always how things play out and if things do go wrong, knowing you took the proper steps and had the best possible care is crucial as is having a relationship with a high risk doctor who may be delivering you in less than ideal circumstances.

curlywhirly

Wow. Yes, like pp mentioned, this seems like a crazy place to be pinching pennies! I hope they come to their senses. 

If it is not too personal, I would love to know more about your decision/experience being a surrogate! Did they find you through an agency? It's such an amazing gift (and a huge amount of work!) you are giving to them!

ks3pink

scorch:

I didnt have an MFM.  And Im glad that I didnt have to pay to have the extra monitoring.  My pregnancy was perfect though and I had my babies at 38 weeks.  It is only my opinion that if your pregnancy is going well and you have a smart dr, you might not need an MFM.  

A great OB makes all the difference in the world. 

I don't have a MFM either.  I think my OB is doing a wonderful job!  If there are no complications I can't say as I blame the intended parents OP.  Sorry. 

GypsyEsq

ks3pink:

scorch:

I didnt have an MFM.  And Im glad that I didnt have to pay to have the extra monitoring.  My pregnancy was perfect though and I had my babies at 38 weeks.  It is only my opinion that if your pregnancy is going well and you have a smart dr, you might not need an MFM.  

A great OB makes all the difference in the world. 

I don't have a MFM either.  I think my OB is doing a wonderful job!  If there are no complications I can't say as I blame the intended parents OP.  Sorry. 

Sure definitely.  When I've spent thousands (likely tens of thousands) of dollars to have someone else carry my baby and they are actually carrying my twins I want to second guess what many (if not most) doctors say the standard of care is for twin pregnancies.  I get that not all women see MFMs and certainly many OBs are more than competent to handle twin pregnancies.  But the OP said she lives in a rural area with no NICU.  So in this case I really don't see how the intended parents can colorably argue that MFM care isn't needed unless and until the doctors suggest otherwise. 

jellolz

GypsyEsq:

ks3pink:

scorch:

I didnt have an MFM.  And Im glad that I didnt have to pay to have the extra monitoring.  My pregnancy was perfect though and I had my babies at 38 weeks.  It is only my opinion that if your pregnancy is going well and you have a smart dr, you might not need an MFM.  

A great OB makes all the difference in the world. 

I don't have a MFM either.  I think my OB is doing a wonderful job!  If there are no complications I can't say as I blame the intended parents OP.  Sorry. 

Sure definitely.  When I've spent thousands (likely tens of thousands) of dollars to have someone else carry my baby and they are actually carrying my twins I want to second guess what many (if not most) doctors say the standard of care is for twin pregnancies.  I get that not all women see MFMs and certainly many OBs are more than competent to handle twin pregnancies.  But the OP said she lives in a rural area with no NICU.  So in this case I really don't see how the intended parents can colorably argue that MFM care isn't needed unless and until the doctors suggest otherwise. 

what? no. the intended parents WANT me to see the MFM. it's the insurance that's refusing to pay for it.

jellolz

jdancer5:

So sorry you're going through this. Maybe some of the experts on this board know where you could find some good supporting documentation online? At least then you could let the research speak for itself instead of you carrying the burden of explaining the importance of the MFM?? Best of luck to you in your incredibly selfless journey.

i think i'll spend some time this evening trying to dig something up to send them... surely there is documentation out there showing more favorable outcomes with an MFM's care.

GypsyEsq

jellolz:

GypsyEsq:

ks3pink:

scorch:

I didnt have an MFM.  And Im glad that I didnt have to pay to have the extra monitoring.  My pregnancy was perfect though and I had my babies at 38 weeks.  It is only my opinion that if your pregnancy is going well and you have a smart dr, you might not need an MFM.  

A great OB makes all the difference in the world. 

I don't have a MFM either.  I think my OB is doing a wonderful job!  If there are no complications I can't say as I blame the intended parents OP.  Sorry. 

Sure definitely.  When I've spent thousands (likely tens of thousands) of dollars to have someone else carry my baby and they are actually carrying my twins I want to second guess what many (if not most) doctors say the standard of care is for twin pregnancies.  I get that not all women see MFMs and certainly many OBs are more than competent to handle twin pregnancies.  But the OP said she lives in a rural area with no NICU.  So in this case I really don't see how the intended parents can colorably argue that MFM care isn't needed unless and until the doctors suggest otherwise. 

what? no. the intended parents WANT me to see the MFM. it's the insurance that's refusing to pay for it.

OOOH, well I think we all read it the same way.  Whew.  Glad your intended parents on the same page.  The insurance company -- well shoot girl, I've got nothing for you there.  Insurance sucks.  

jellolz

curlywhirly:

Wow. Yes, like pp mentioned, this seems like a crazy place to be pinching pennies! I hope they come to their senses. 

If it is not too personal, I would love to know more about your decision/experience being a surrogate! Did they find you through an agency? It's such an amazing gift (and a huge amount of work!) you are giving to them!

I don't mind sharing at all! my SIL battled with IF and just as I was about to offer to carry for them, she got pregnant, thank God. But the idea stuck with me... and I figured if I knew I could do it, and my husband was on board, then I would help someone else. I did find my IPs through an agency and they deserve to be parents SO badly.

Feel free to ask away, I'm an open book

jellolz

GypsyEsq:

jellolz:

GypsyEsq:

ks3pink:

scorch:

I didnt have an MFM.  And Im glad that I didnt have to pay to have the extra monitoring.  My pregnancy was perfect though and I had my babies at 38 weeks.  It is only my opinion that if your pregnancy is going well and you have a smart dr, you might not need an MFM.  

A great OB makes all the difference in the world. 

I don't have a MFM either.  I think my OB is doing a wonderful job!  If there are no complications I can't say as I blame the intended parents OP.  Sorry. 

Sure definitely.  When I've spent thousands (likely tens of thousands) of dollars to have someone else carry my baby and they are actually carrying my twins I want to second guess what many (if not most) doctors say the standard of care is for twin pregnancies.  I get that not all women see MFMs and certainly many OBs are more than competent to handle twin pregnancies.  But the OP said she lives in a rural area with no NICU.  So in this case I really don't see how the intended parents can colorably argue that MFM care isn't needed unless and until the doctors suggest otherwise. 

what? no. the intended parents WANT me to see the MFM. it's the insurance that's refusing to pay for it.

OOOH, well I think we all read it the same way.  Whew.  Glad your intended parents on the same page.  The insurance company -- well shoot girl, I've got nothing for you there.  Insurance sucks.  

Yeah it does. It makes me want to HULKSMASH.

Missa_g

cookie_queen:

scorch:

I didnt have an MFM.  And Im glad that I didnt have to pay to have the extra monitoring.  My pregnancy was perfect though and I had my babies at 38 weeks.  It is only my opinion that if your pregnancy is going well and you have a smart dr, you might not need an MFM.  

A great OB makes all the difference in the world. 

While this is always the desired outcome, it is not always how things play out and if things do go wrong, knowing you took the proper steps and had the best possible care is crucial as is having a relationship with a high risk doctor who may be delivering you in less than ideal circumstances.

Exactly.  My pregnancy was perfect until it suddenly wasn't.

ks3pink

GypsyEsq:

jellolz:

GypsyEsq:

ks3pink:

scorch:

I didnt have an MFM.  And Im glad that I didnt have to pay to have the extra monitoring.  My pregnancy was perfect though and I had my babies at 38 weeks.  It is only my opinion that if your pregnancy is going well and you have a smart dr, you might not need an MFM.  

A great OB makes all the difference in the world. 

I don't have a MFM either.  I think my OB is doing a wonderful job!  If there are no complications I can't say as I blame the intended parents OP.  Sorry. 

Sure definitely.  When I've spent thousands (likely tens of thousands) of dollars to have someone else carry my baby and they are actually carrying my twins I want to second guess what many (if not most) doctors say the standard of care is for twin pregnancies.  I get that not all women see MFMs and certainly many OBs are more than competent to handle twin pregnancies.  But the OP said she lives in a rural area with no NICU.  So in this case I really don't see how the intended parents can colorably argue that MFM care isn't needed unless and until the doctors suggest otherwise. 

what? no. the intended parents WANT me to see the MFM. it's the insurance that's refusing to pay for it.

OOOH, well I think we all read it the same way.  Whew.  Glad your intended parents on the same page.  The insurance company -- well shoot girl, I've got nothing for you there.  Insurance sucks.  

Yeah we all read that totally wrong.  I understand the part about the NICU but unfortunately insurance is just gonna say the babies can be spent there.  Thats big business for ya. 

leviandlandensmom

I'm glad you clarified because in your OP is sounds like the intended parents were refusing to pay. Insurance companies are greedy and you're just going to have to go through the proper channels to try and get them to approve it.

besu-chan

I'm so sorry. You are doing an incredible thing for these people and I hope that they will make sure that you and the babies are taken care of properly.

GeauxTigers82

I also thought you meant the IP's didn't want to pay! I didn't even want to comment because I was thinking it was such a touchy subject!

Thanks for sharing your story! Just like other people are fascinated with twins, we are all fascinated with you carrrying a baby (much less 2) for someone else! And the fact that you are doing it for a couple that you didn't know beforehand is so amazing and selfless! The world needs more kind people like you!

Mrs. Alice

scorch:

I didnt have an MFM.  And Im glad that I didnt have to pay to have the extra monitoring.  My pregnancy was perfect though and I had my babies at 38 weeks.  It is only my opinion that if your pregnancy is going well and you have a smart dr, you might not need an MFM.  

A great OB makes all the difference in the world. 

That's ideal you had a perfect pregnancy and full term delivery, but either way it was still a high risk pregnancy.  I guess I would want every single resource available and not take chances when it comes to my babies and pregnancy.  My twins would likely not be alive it wasn't for the close monitoring of an MFM. 

OP I'm sorry you are struggling with insurance, that blows!  I hope you can convince them to cover the MFM.  You are awesome for advocating this too!

jellolz

I guess rambling when your mad doesn't always get the point across. It's the insurance, 100%, that is being douchey. My ips are awesome and would go to the ends of the earth to make sure the babies and I are healthy and taken care of (hence why they paid an arm and a leg for this insurance)... 

 

Thanks for the support ladies. I KNOW seeing an MFM is the right thing to do for us, because quite frankly.... I trust her so much more than I trust my OBs. So I'll argue with these insurance people until I'm blue in the face. 

krismott25

That is TERRIBLE!! It is amazing what you are doing for them by the way, I haven't said that yet. Especially carrying multiples. Clearly they need to do more research about the risks involved to you and the babies. I'm sure they would hate to see something happen to their babies because they weren't monitoring the situation closely. If I didn't go to the MFM I would have never known I had a "sensative" cerrvix and irritable uterus and stopped working. I'm convinced if that didn't happen I would have ended up in PTL.

I told my DH and he got so pissed! He was like why do they even want a kid!! So he'll take em out for ya Hopefully they come around and see the benefits

ETA: Totally read the OP wrong then posted before reading through the other posts. Yes insurance companies blow! My MFM and OB agreed I shouldn't be working but they denied my disability (totally different than your situation but that's just how insurance companies are) Fortunately you can apeal the decision and when you have your doctors on your side they have a lot of sway. It took me a month but I finally got mine approved and it was retroactive. GL!!

krismott25

scorch:

I didnt have an MFM.  And Im glad that I didnt have to pay to have the extra monitoring.  My pregnancy was perfect though and I had my babies at 38 weeks.  It is only my opinion that if your pregnancy is going well and you have a smart dr, you might not need an MFM.  

A great OB makes all the difference in the world. 

While it is awesome you didn't need to see an MFM, I think you may be an exception to the rule. And your doctor may have the experience where a MFM isn't required. Most don't

ramee151

Mrs. Alice:

scorch:

I didnt have an MFM.  And Im glad that I didnt have to pay to have the extra monitoring.  My pregnancy was perfect though and I had my babies at 38 weeks.  It is only my opinion that if your pregnancy is going well and you have a smart dr, you might not need an MFM.  

A great OB makes all the difference in the world. 

That's ideal you had a perfect pregnancy and full term delivery, but either way it was still a high risk pregnancy.  I guess I would want every single resource available and not take chances when it comes to my babies and pregnancy.  My twins would likely not be alive it wasn't for the close monitoring of an MFM. 

OP I'm sorry you are struggling with insurance, that blows!  I hope you can convince them to cover the MFM.  You are awesome for advocating this too!

This is the boat I'm in now...we are going to be adding a 3rd doctor to our care team on Monday (OB, MFM, and a new doc--not sure what his specialty is). I was at a doctor's office every day last week. While I'm fine, my babies definitely aren't and we don't know why. I adore my OB, but the regular monitoring they do in her practice wouldn't have caught this nearly as early. I'm so happy that women out there don't need the extra care with twins, but its pretty scary how quickly something can go from "looking just fine" to "we have no clue what's wrong". 

allisonmarie22

scorch:

I didnt have an MFM.  And Im glad that I didnt have to pay to have the extra monitoring.  My pregnancy was perfect though and I had my babies at 38 weeks.  It is only my opinion that if your pregnancy is going well and you have a smart dr, you might not need an MFM.  

A great OB makes all the difference in the world. 

A great OB is fine, but he/she is not an MFM.  I've had no serious complications with my pregnancy, and looking back on things in hindsight I see now that my MFM has been pretty much worthless (and a waste of a LOT of money...about 3k out of pocket so far), but better safe than sorry.  I didn't want to risk not seeing one and then having to always look back and say "what if" if something had gone wrong.

lrrb

I didn't have an MFM.  Personally I think if nothing is going on with the pregnancy then there isn't always a reason to go to one.  My OB felt confident that he could take of me and the babies and I think did a great job.  Anyways just my opinion I know a lot of people would think its crazy to not see one but I didn't.  

Ruthie04

allisonmarie22:

scorch:

I didnt have an MFM.  And Im glad that I didnt have to pay to have the extra monitoring.  My pregnancy was perfect though and I had my babies at 38 weeks.  It is only my opinion that if your pregnancy is going well and you have a smart dr, you might not need an MFM.  

A great OB makes all the difference in the world. 

A great OB is fine, but he/she is not an MFM.  I've had no serious complications with my pregnancy, and looking back on things in hindsight I see now that my MFM has been pretty much worthless (and a waste of a LOT of money...about 3k out of pocket so far), but better safe than sorry.  I didn't want to risk not seeing one and then having to always look back and say "what if" if something had gone wrong.

This is where I am. My RE and OB keep saying a twin pregnancy in itself is not "high risk." The OB said he will only recommend seeing a MFM if I prove myself to be high risk. After I expressed my concerns, the OB told me it is totally up to me. He said I am more than welcome to go if it makes me feel better and if I am up for plenty of appointments. So, DH and I plan to self refer after my next u/s. Honestly, I think my practice's reluctance has more to do with their own issues with the MFM practice (over hospitalization and over complication diagnosis) than their real feelings on additional monitoring.

I feel like the whole MFM debate is a lot like the RE debate. Sure, there are a lot of OBs that can help couples conceive. But, IF treatment is what REs do. Plus, the level of monitoring (and the $) of a RE will blow a OB out of the water. Same with a MFM. I regret not moving to a RE sooner, so I will not make the same mistake with a MFM.