How do I get him to be more interested ?

paulinaramirez

DS and DD are 17 months apart. DS was fine with Dd arrival up until recently . I think he s figured out that she is a permanent fixture and that he has to share mommy from now on. The tantrums have been all day and out of nowhere . He is not too interested in her though and is not aggressive or anything towards her . Just not interested in getting to know her. I try to spend as much time as I can ( single mom while DH is on deployment) with him alone as possible , and I try to include him in some of the things I do with DD ( ie throwing away diapers in the diaper bin (one of his new favorites) , giving sissy her paci or bottle , talking to her, etc.. He s just not interested in getting to know her or interact with her . Any suggestions? Cause I'm trying so hard to juggle both as to not create jealousy which I fear is happening .

celiabwatson

I don't think 18 month olds are supposed to be interested in babies, boys especially (I hate to say it but there are gender differences here). My son could care less about his sister. He's nice to her and all and notices that she's there (in that he points out when she's crying) but it's not like he wants to hang out with her, he'd rather play with trucks.

Just make sure he's gentle etc and when she becomes more interactive and interesting I'm sure he'll love her. 

ChristieandChristopher

Hi,

I don't have any advice, but wanted to say that I am in the same boat with my two under two here as well.  Husband is not deployed, but is a full time grad student and I am trying to keep the house afloat and work at the same time, so at times I do feel alone.  DS has been throwing the worst tantrums and is having night terrors that have increased since DD"s arrival.  I am having trouble knowing just how to handle things rigth myself, too.  Just to commiserate.....

sweetpea2003

You have to remember that you have TWO babies. The older baby isn't at a developmental stage where being "interested" is an appropriate expectation. Babies are very "me" focused.

As long as they are both safe and happy you are doing a great job. The bonding will come later. Don't rush it.  

 

12bailey18

hocus:

I don't think your goal should be to make him interested. Honestly babies are pretty boring and disruptive.

Your goal for now is to make sure he is gentle and safe with the baby and that he gets as much 1 on 1 time as you can spare. The interest part will come much later when she can really interactive with him.

I agree with this. DS wasn't interested in DD until she was able to "do" stuff; probably around 6 months. Now that she can crawl, grab, smile, and giggle at him he interacts with her a lot more. He couldn't have cared less about her in the early days, though. LOL.

mjcleve

hocus:

I don't think your goal should be to make him interested. Honestly babies are pretty boring and disruptive.

Your goal for now is to make sure he is gentle and safe with the baby and that he gets as much 1 on 1 time as you can spare. The interest part will come much later when she can really interactive with him.

This exactly!  DS1 was 21 months when DS2 was born and he was pretty much uninterested for the most part.  I used it to my advantage since I didn't have to constantly worry about him hurting the baby or anything.  Now they are best buds and follow each other everywhere.  It sounds like you're doing a good job.  Toddlers throw tantrums and you just have to continue to try your hardest to spend time with both. 

ericatorrez

Most of this has to do with his age.  I'm guessing he's about 18-19 mos old yeah? He's trying to find his independence, and figure everything out for himself.  He's testing you and his boundries, figuring out the rules so to speak.  The fact that he isn't mean to her, and isn't interested, tells you that it isn't a jealousy issue.  Figure out a discipline plan for him, ie consequence to his tantrums, like he gets something taken away, or he has time out for 2 minutes, ect... It will be an almost daily battle with him for awhile, until he moves onto the next phase of toddler boydom, lol!

And don't worry too much about his relationship with his sister. My little ones are 15 mos apart, and are BFF's.  Except when they make each other mad, which is now about every 5 minutes it seems like!  I think a had a few more months of peace with my two, because my DS was a little younger than yours when his sister was born.  

BTW, I know all about the DH being gone.  Mine works out of state in the oil and gas industry.  I call myself a married single mom, LOL!  Feel free to PM if you need anything else. 

howleyshell

hocus:

I don't think your goal should be to make him interested. Honestly babies are pretty boring and disruptive.

Your goal for now is to make sure he is gentle and safe with the baby and that he gets as much 1 on 1 time as you can spare. The interest part will come much later when she can really interactive with him.

Huge ditto.

They honestly are more interested in pets than siblings until the sibling looks and acts more like a person and can interact with them.

Be patient.  Once she's walking, smiling, babbling and interacting with him he'll become more aware of her as a member of the family.

I would actually caution against asking him to be involved with her care if you're trying to avoid jealousy.  The name of the game with 2 close in age is learning to communicate and play with him WHILE you are doing the baby tasks such as feeding and changing.  Talking with him about trucks or trains or singing songs with him while you're changing a diaper will get you much farther with him than talking about the baby or the baby responsibilities.

The only exception to that for us was feeding.  For some reason our older one thought it was hilarious to help feed the baby - probably because he found the mess entertaining.

 

 

delg23

hocus:

I don't think your goal should be to make him interested. Honestly babies are pretty boring and disruptive.

Your goal for now is to make sure he is gentle and safe with the baby and that he gets as much 1 on 1 time as you can spare. The interest part will come much later when she can really interactive with him.

extremely well said and I agree totally.