To tell or not to tell.....(UPDATED)

Roxie5739

I have a lunch with my only Australian friend who lives in LA too thankfully. She is a close friend, and also knows my family really well. We both share the same niece (long story).

I am thinking of telling her about my IF journey to date now that we have passed a huge hurdle with PGD. I have still not told my family at all.

Question 1: should I tell her, she can be trusted and I think sharing it with someone outside just me and DH would help to get out a lot of pent up emotions for me that I can share.

Question 2: Mum comes over from Australia in a few weeks. She is bound to ask what we are doing with starting a family as she is aware of my 2 ectopisc and 40 is just around the corner. I do not want to tell her that I have frosties as if something goes wrong it would devastate her. What would you tell her? That we are still looking into options / that we are on a break etc?

Thoughts please ladies!!

Mrs.McIrish

You are asking the wrong person!  I tell everyone about my struggles. I don't know how you can keep it all to yourself. GL hon:-)

mama_cito95

Question 1: You know your friend best and whether or not you can trust her.  It helps to have someone other than DH to talk to.  I found that my girlfriends were more empathetic.

 

Question 2:  I told my mom and she ended up telling the whole world.  In hindsight I would have waited until after a confirmed pregnancy to share with her. 

lynn0926

All of my friends and close family are aware of everything. Only aquaintences do not know. I don't know how you have kept this to yourselves. I think it would be a relief to you to open up.

laureniskeen

Ive told a few friends who are either a)parents and understand, or b)gone through similar things. I have yet to tell my parents as I dont want to deal with it if it doesnt succeed. I had a BFN on my first cycle and would have been devestated to tell them that. Its easier for me to wait till i have a confirmed pregnancy. Depends on your family dynamic...but i'd tell at least someone.

Roxie5739

Update: I told my friend, she said she knew something was up wtih me but had not idea it was IVF. She was sad with the long story of how we got here but very happy that we have 2 in the freezer and that they are G/B.

I feel like a weight has been lifted.

I know I cannot tell Mum as I told her not to tell a sole about the ectopics but she did tell a lot of people. I was crazy upset with her on this. I just need to think of something to say to her when she asks what we are doing. Maybe it is just as simple as "she will be first to know if there is any news one day" and leave it at that. She has already said to me twice that this Mothers day would have been my first !!!! as if I do not realize that and why would you remind me of this.

Sloane99

Roxie5739:

She has already said to me twice that this Mothers day would have been my first !!!! as if I do not realize that and why would you remind me of this.

Ouch, as if mother's day isn't hard enough for the IF community. I'm really glad you told your friend though, we kept stuff a secret for nearly two years and felt so much better when we had the support of friends/family. I will admit some family wasn't as sensitive as they could have been but overall the good outweighed the bad.

BeeBee08

Roxie5739:

Question 1: should I tell her, she can be trusted and I think sharing it with someone outside just me and DH would help to get out a lot of pent up emotions for me that I can share.

Thoughts please ladies!!

Yes to q1, you should talk about it.

question 2, you should keep evertything a secret as long as you can. 

sarahtoledo

bellalou32:

Mrs.McIrish:

You are asking the wrong person!  I tell everyone about my struggles. I don't know how you can keep it all to yourself. GL hon:-)

Same here, girl!  Once I started doing that, I felt SO much better!   

Me too.  I don't tell everyone every little thing, but most of my friends know about the losses and it helps.