I'm raising a tyrant

cchill01

My 28 month old is officially an emotional disaster and a tyrant.   First of all, we're having horrible problems separating from the binky.  The second something doesn't go her way she starts screaming for it.  We were doing just fine only using it for bed and nap.

If I don't do what she wants or give her what she wants, it causes full blown tantrums.  When I say no to something, instant tantrum.  And I'm talking hitting, screaming, falling on the ground, gasping for air.  I can't get near her or touch her.

I'm trying really hard to do the HTOTB thing, but it just doesn't seem to help.

Please tell me this phase is short! Oh, and any advice would be great too.

Wally3

Pp gave a lot of good advise.  If may ds is having a tantrum a usually just walk away from him an ignore him.  Once he calms down I will come back for hugs and kisses - I give him his blanky which usually calms him.

cchill01

Thanks.  I'll give some of those a shot.  It feels like all of a sudden we went from nice child to completely uncontrollable toddler.

Singingmama

cchill01:

Thanks.  I'll give some of those a shot.  It feels like all of a sudden we went from nice child to completely uncontrollable toddler.

Yes, we had the same thing happen at our house. Last week, my daughter suddenly became an emotional mess. One morning I had so many issues getting her ready for school that I handed her to my husband, told him to figure it out and walked out the door for work, lol! (I did kiss my daughter, told her I loved her and that she obviously needed a break from school and she was going to stay home with Daddy).

However, here's the bright side. This week has been better and whatever was bugging DD last week, seems to have resolved itself for now. She's still 2 years old and definitely has her moments, but she's not melting down at every little thing this week.

I do try to create environments that will keep tantrums from escalating. I also do something called a "time in" where I bring her to me for a hug/cuddle whenever I see that she's frustrated with something, but I'm not willing to give into whatever it is she's wanting. For example, the other night she wanted some jelly beans before bed. She asked nicely and everything and I would've given her one, but she'd already brushed her teeth and so I wasn't going to give her one at that point. She was upset, but I wasn't willing to give in, so I hugged her, told her I loved her and that she was more than welcome to have a jelly bean tomorrow. She did cry, but we managed to avoid the tantrum.

Kpsbabyzoe

PP already gave good advice, but I have one to add.  I got this from my grandmother, she told me to do this when you're feeling desperate.  She swore by it, and I use it sparingly so as not to wear off the effect.  I've only done it twice.

When DD is totally crying/screaming about something really insignificant, I mean full blown tantrum, on the ground, kind of freak-out moment you're talking about...I try to reason with her, but I know I'm not going to be helpful because I can feel my patience slipping.  (When you are calm, it will help calm them down..which I know is way easier said than done!)   So I got down on the floor and started imitating DD.  I mean, you've got to go for it here- fake crying, rolling around,the works.   She stopped INSTANTLY and looked at me like I had 20 heads and 1000 eyes.  She just giggled, got up and walked away.  And trust me, I felt loads better too.

GL! This age is so tough sometimes, and all of this will pass.  My mother's mantra was/is "It's just a phase.  This too will pass."

offbeatmama

fredalina:

That must be so frustrating! Here's what works for us. I work to provide a "yes" environment. If there's something that she wants *that is safe and provided she asks for it reasonably nicely considering her level of awakeness, health, etc and it's not a really inconvenient time for it*, I give it to her. If she would rather paint than use crayons, fine, as long as we have time for cleanup. If she wants to play with a toy on the shelf, fine, as long as she isn't screaming for it in my ear. I give lots of choices: black shoes or white shoes, green bowl or red bowl, do you want to carry the mail in or shall I? Etc etc etc all day long. I don't care what bowl she uses but I DO care if she screams and rants and raves because she wanted the blue one and how can I be so cruel lol. About 2 I started being more consistent about asking nicely rather than whining for something, and a few months later I got DH on board lol. Now if she says, "miiiiiilllllkkkk", I just look at her until she says, "I'd like milk please". Or I'll tell her "You can ask me nicely and I'll get it for you or you can pour it yourself." I really don't care which (she cleans her mess lol, and it's good practice), but I don't respond to being ordered around or whined at. It took a while of being consistent and especially  DH being consistent (and there's a relapse everytime she spends time with grandparents lol), but it works. For tantrums I say I'm very sorry she's sad, stay close for hugs, and wait. If it becomes a big drama play I tell her she can cry in private for a while, give her a minute, and come back for hugs. Really seems to make her happier this way.

This. I don't ignore tantrums though. If he has a tantrum he goes on a time out. He just has to stay on my bed for his time out (not a specific chair or anything). I use the 1-2-3 Magic system. It works wonders! HTOTB worked when he was younger but then he kind of outgrew it a little before he turned 2. 1-2-3 Magic works wonders now.

MrsRon

I positively hate tantrums!  I just don't have the patience for all that screaming nonsense.

A mom that I respect a lot told me to calmly, without any anger or anything, tell them that they need to go sit somewhere isolated (on their bed, in their crib, even on the toilet lid -- whatever) until they can "be happy."  Did this with DS #1, and it's really worked like a charm.  Every now and then, we still have to use it, but more often than not, I get his attention and say, "Do you need to go to your bed?", and he'll calm down and get over it.

Pardon my ignorance, but what is HTOTB?

Good luck! 

 

 

diana.filipi

We've been going through this.  DD has become very demanding and LOUD.  She yells for things and melts down if I say no or whatever.  Some of it is in response to having a baby brother perhaps but all my friends assure me it's also simply the age and that with consistency on my part it will pass as she develops.