Finally met our friends LO and it made me upset...

Redsoxchick

My friends LO is 2 weeks younger than my LO, so she's a little over 2 months. She's soooo skinny. Shes only gained 1 1/2 pounds since birth. She's having issues digesting my friends breast milk and the doc wanted her to switch to formula but my friend "wants her baby to need her" I formula feed because BFing didn't work out and I'm pretty sure my baby still needs me! She kept saying how huge my LO was (he's 13 pounds 6 ounces) and I kept saying no he's average and babies are usually chubby, to which she said she was glad her baby was skinny. I was really bothered by all of this, still am. I bit my tongue because it's her baby, her business but I'm just in awe.

pcrock92

its sad that she'd rather have her baby look skinny than be healthy! Babies are supposed to be chunky!

bpwife&mama

It's terrible how vain she is being for her child.  There is a difference between being skinny and malnurished (which it sounds like her baby could be especially since she is not taking doctors advice).  DS was not gaining weight when I was BFing and the doctor told me I should switch to formula to put some meat on his bones.  I was so upset but did it because it was right for him.  You are a better friend thatn I would be because I would tell her that she should be following the doctor's advice.

beccajanedowning

Your friend just made my head explode a little. I would kill for a chunky baby. DD has struggled with allergies and isn't even 10 pounds yet. She's finally gaining faster than the 2 ounces a week she'd been putting on now that we've narrowed down what bothers her.

megaloo27

Wow, my friend's baby was only 10 pounds at 8 months and the doctor got so mad at her. She didn't realize that her milk was not doing enough and switched to formula. Her baby gained 4 pounds in a month! She felt terrible, but is so happy to have her baby chunked up. ( my dd is about the same size as hers!)

MrsAMB07

Babies need fat for proper brain development among other things. That makes me so sad... Hopefully her doctor will be able to get through to her!

shotzie

That is disturbing. If it's still bothering you, I think you should talk to her about it. If she gets offended/hurt/mad, so be it. Did she say why the baby is having trouble with her milk? I have to be dairy and soy free in order to bf DD2. She has milk, soy protein intolerance. Her poop was green, mucousy, and sometimes had specks of blood in it. She was very gassy and pretty miserable. Once I changed my diet, her poop went back to normal and she's a happy baby now. Dairy in mom's diet is the most common food that causes problems for baby. You don't have to be particularly confrontational about it. Just ask her a lot of questions. (Did the pedi say if she could change her diet so her LO would do better with her milk? Do they know why she's having trouble with her milk? Is she spitting up a lot? Is she crying a lot? Is the pedi concerned about her weight?) However she answers, be very sympathetic and offer some advice out of concern for her. She'll probably receive it better than if she feels judged. Are you friends with her DH? Do you know if he's aware of what's going on? I would think if the baby isn't gaining properly, the pedi would be having her in for weight checks. DD1 was slow to gain weight at first due to reflux, so we had a couple weight checks early on. If your friend is following up with the pedi, the pedi should see the baby isn't growing properly and take whatever steps are appropriate. If your friend posted on here that she wants a skinny baby and isn't nourishing her properly, people would be calling CPS on her.

Huahine

Are you upset because you are concerned for her child's welfare? Or because you felt her preference for skinny babies was a judgement of your chunkier child and your decision to formula feed?

SoonToBeMsP

beccajanedowning:

Your friend just made my head explode a little. I would kill for a chunky baby. DD has struggled with allergies and isn't even 10 pounds yet. She's finally gaining faster than the 2 ounces a week she'd been putting on now that we've narrowed down what bothers her.

Agreed. DD is now just over 10lbs (my guess) and I love that she's chunking up. Since she was born at 5lbs 13oz, I've seen both. I prefer a little fat around the edges! 

shortstuff15

FarmBoysWife:

Ok... I understand the skinny baby comment. If ds was a gerber baby I wouldnt find him half as cute as I do now.. I just dont like the rolls. However- in light of the situation her comment was inappropriate and the doctors advice as well. Yes babies are perfectly fine on formula but if shes having issues the breast is best. Maybe she needs to pump to be better able to gauge how much her lo is eating, but kids even our cans of formula say that breast is best. Ill also agree that since Ive stopped bfing (last nursing session was sunday) I deff feel like ds and I lost something that made us incredibly close. and not a day has gone by where I dont miss that time, connection or feeling of breast-feeding. I know formula is better for my family but dont go judging someone because they dont want to stop because its a super hard decision to make and unless you've had to stop before you wanted to you're never going to know the heartache. For that matter as a bf'er ill bet shes had more people tell her to quit than keep going, including uneducated doctors. (/end rant)

I agree with you regarding the rolls part.  I really don't think chunky babies are cute.  A little bit of pudge so that they aren't skin and bones is good, but the babies that are rolls everywhere just aren't cute in my opinion, so I too can understand the skinny baby comment.

I do also agree that breast is best and if she can keep breastfeeding that is great, but I do think that even if she were to suppliment that would be beneficial to both her and the baby.  My first gain less then a pound in her first 8 weeks of life and once I switched to formula she gained over a pound in one week.  The difference was amazing in both her personality and behaviour!  She started sleeping better and just overall became a better baby!  My second I was supplimenting from week 2 (one bottle a day) because I knew that my skim milk issue was there so this baby the adjustment was there from the beginning and we didn't see the huge change we saw with baby #1.

As to the bonding/needing part, well that I can't agree with but that's probably more my issue.  I hate breastfeeding.  Absolutely hate it.  I do it for the first 6 weeks and then evaluate from there, but I feel absolutely zero attachment to my baby because I'm breastfeeding.  In fact there is probably more resentment then attachment.  I hate the tied down feeling that breastfeeding gives me.  I feel 100% more attached to my babies once I go to formula full-time and it's awesome - so for some people that attachment just isn't there.  Granted we have a rule in our house that unless it is a babysitting situation, the only people who feed baby is me or my husband and I do 99% of the feedings anyway, so maybe that's why the attachment is there stronger with bottle feeding!

Redsoxchick

Huahine:

Are you upset because you are concerned for her child's welfare? Or because you felt her preference for skinny babies was a judgement of your chunkier child and your decision to formula feed?

Concerned for the baby, I'm fine with my choice and my LO is happy and healthy 

AMbaby

My DD was born at 7lbs and I thankfully have a huge supply of milk and have been feeding her like crazy but she is growing very slowly. Just under 11 lbs at 3 months.  However, at each doctor's appointment she's gained each time, just very slowly.  She is actually pretty far ahead of most of the developmental milestones and very happy with no medicals issues at all. However, that being said, if they told me to use formula I would have done it to make SURE my baby was healthy.  I knew a girl like that who said her baby was fat....I'm guessing your friend is about 20 years old right? Seems to be the younger the mom the more likely you are to get stupid comments like that. No offense to the actually smart and mature young mom's out there. I'm only 29 but I know age can play a role....

Jessiree

Huahine:

Are you upset because you are concerned for her child's welfare? Or because you felt her preference for skinny babies was a judgement of your chunkier child and your decision to formula feed?

This. I am also distrustful of a doctor recommending a baby go on formula because they are having trouble digesting breastmilk. Unless a baby is having protein allergies and needs to go on an alimentium formula, BM is the easier to digest between BM and formula.

Izabella22

Jessiree:

This. I am also distrustful of a doctor recommending a baby go on formula because they are having trouble digesting breastmilk. Unless a baby is having protein allergies and needs to go on an alimentium formula, BM is the easier to digest between BM and formula.

I agree with this... I would maybe ask her whether she's seen an LC or tried any galactologues instead of agreeing w/ the doc about formula. BFing is incredibly hard without having people judge, maybe instead of criticizing you could see if she's looked into trying anything to up her supply? Kellymom.com is a great resource. 

raefre

I think its the attitude of the mother that is the most bothersome.  From the comment that she "wants her baby to need her" to being happy her baby is skinny seems to be somewhat selfish, without having the LO's best interests in mind.  It almost feels like the comment you get from a lot of teen moms (this is anecdotal) that they wanted a baby so their baby would love them. 

The OP had a right to feel bothered by her friend's apparent selfishness; because I'd hope that the mother is BFing not so that she wants to feel needed but because it is in her child's best interest.