Struggling

VikingQueen

I didn't know where else to go with this.. I'm sorry for posting this.. I know everyone else is having rough times, and there are a lot of people worse off then me right now but I need to get this out and I have no one to talk to IRL. Please feel free to ignore it..

I am struggling.. like really.. cry myself to sleep every night type struggling..

I have talked to C recently and found out he lied to me BIG time over something the last few months that we were together and that hurt more then the fact that he left.. It wasn't like he cheated on me or anything but it is a big deal for me, that I straight out asked him about and he lied about it. Then we talked about if we could go back and change things we would.. I'm not going to lie. If I could go back and somehow fix everything I would. I miss him so much it hurts.. but I know that we won't ever work it out and I'm tired of trying. I'm still trying to move on, I'm still trying to find my happiness.. but right now for some reason all I can think about is that in 2 weeks we would have been married for 3 years.. together for 8.. and then all the happy memories flood in and believe me.. that quote that says the bad memories will bring you tears but the good memories are what will drive you insane.. completely true in this case..

I've been looking for distractions and I found a good one in M, someone I could be myself with, that I could hang out with, that would get me out of the house and out to meet new people.. and we hung out almost every night for atleast a month.. Well Friday he just drops from the earth.. I try texting him, I try calling him.. all I get back from him is a one word text.. I have no idea if I did something to offend him or what.. but that evil sting of rejection is back and I am so upset about it. We were getting close and I saw him as a really good friend and then he just drops me like that.. just sucks so much..and adds to the hurt I'm already feeling from everything with C.

I just feel like giving up completely.. I can feel the grief consuming me and I just want the pain to end.. I'm not talking like suicidal or anything but just I would rather feel numb at this point then this.. I'd rather have a heart of ice right now than feel this.. I just feel like I put myself way into every situation and I don't know how not to. I try to put up a wall but end up taking it down because I don't want to live in fear of getting hurt.. yet I keep getting hurt..

I just don't know what to do anymore..

Again I'm sorry for posting this there. As I said feel free to ignore it. Love you ladies.

Kpsbabyzoe

I'm not ignoring this.

I'm so sorry.  I wish I had words of wisdom that could fix everything, but I just want you to know that I've been thinking of you a lot lately.  If anyone deserves to have things go their way it's you!  And I just keep praying that it's coming to you soon.  ((HUGS))

Are you seeing a grief counselor, or a general counselor?  I find mine really helpful in grounding me and being a sponge for these nasty feelings.  It might be something worth doing if you aren't already.

Laurakat81

I'm so sorry! Really, I cannot imagine what you are going through. You are a strong and amazing woman. Don't let anyone else's rejection keep you from believing just that.

I know it makes no difference right now but just like theresa said, it will get better with time. 

(((hugs)))

buckeyebaby814

Sweety, you need to stop talking to C.  This is the only way you're going to be able to move on and be truly happy- which you deserve.  I've told you this before but you have so much going for you, don't give up!  

::HUGS::  I know things get harder sometimes more than others, but you can do this! 

delino

The other ladies have given you stellar advice. So I'm just gonna throw in a huge (((HUG))). I'm sorry you're having such a rough time.

VikingQueen

Thanks Ladies.. ((GROUP HUG))

I had a huge ugly cryfest last night and this morning I feel.. I wouldn't say better, but maybe a little number to the pain.. I can see clearer.

Petra- I am stuck in a rut and I think that is part of it. I want to break free but don't know how. That's why I'm trying to figure out something to do that week I'm off in July. I HAVE to get out of NC for a little while. Just don't know to where.. and yes I need to find me a gentlemen.. too bad G-Vegas (what we call this city around these parts) apparently is fresh out of gentlemen.. but the search continues.. can't give up I guess no matter how badly I want to at times.

BEB- I know I need to cut him out completely.. I'm almost there.. I've been weaning him out of my life slowly because I know if I cut cold turkey it wouldn't last.. I'd literally be in an insane asylum right now. I rarely talk to him and it's usually a hit or miss thing, either we have a good conversation and just check on each other to see how we are each doing or he ends up telling me something that hurts so it begins a who can hurt the other more back and forth conversation.. usually I'm the loser..

kate6267

I PPH you and am so sorry that you are hurting so bad!  You can always talk to me dear! I have been there!

jenn0021

Like delino said, you have received great advice from these ladies. I don't really have any to give because I have no idea what you're going through. Sending you giant ((hugs)), we're here for you.

Gregermis

((hugs)). Men can definitely suck!  I dated a guy for seven years before I met my DH and the last two years we're so miserable.  I found out some awful things that he had misled me about too.  Letting him go was one of the best things ever for me, but it took me awhile to see it.  Hang in there!! 

amidkiff

Oh VQ I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. It's not right for the world to put so much crap on such a sweet lady. 

I know how hard it can be to get over someone that has been such a huge part of your life. Especially when they were part of your life from a young age. It's awful they have such power over you. As for M, believe me if he goes away, it is HIS loss!

Don't give up on love though, you have so much to offer. I know this is the most cliche saying but, it will come around when you least expect it. Be guarded, but don't close yourself off. I am thinking of you hon. 

hungryhippo

((huge hugs))

CashewsMommy

{{{hugs}}}

sweepie412

jenek0213:

Lots of great advice  ^^^^

I am here just to offer lots of *hugs* and a friendly ear always. 

I adore you, VQ... you are an amazing woman. 

All.Of.This.

So much love coming to you sweetie. I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. You deserve all the happiness in the world, hang in there, good things will come. (HUGS)   

cmumama

***Siggy***

Just wanted to send you some ((huge hugs!))  Lots of great advice from pp's.  I wish you all the happiness in the world.  You deserve it!