Did it get better?

ljandrews22

My son's father has totally abandoned us, he's convinced that this is ok because well what happened was an accident.  I keep wondering what kind of parents raised him to be such a deadbeat.

My question is, did anyone else go through a similar situation that turned around? I keep hoping that it'll get better and he'll at least be there when I go into labor, although he's made it clear that's not going to happen.

DarthNBJenni

If he doesn't want to be around now, don't give him the satisfaction of being around when you go into labor. You'll want a team of supportive people there - your mom, sister, friends, etc. Call him after the fact. 

ljandrews22

That's so true! I think i'm considering his feelings a bit too much.

achase123

Don't beg him to be there.  I split from XH before I had P and XH was in the delivery room.  If I had it to do all over again I wouldn't have had him there.  It was awkward and it was confusing.  Have a trusted friend or family member or a doula.

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nikkilyn35

I do understand a little how you feel.

I wasn't married to nor living with my BD when I got pregnant.  We had more of a casual relationship, so while I didn't have the expectations of automatically becoming a couple because there was going to be a baby, I also didn't anticipate how miserable he would make me the entire pregnancy. 

 still, when it came down to it, it was hard to see the other "happy couples" in the hospital and not have a tiny bit of hope that he would come around.  I made the mistake of emailing him from the hospital, only to get more lies in response.

 I had a very good friend with me at delivery to make sure it was all drama free.  I was at the hospital for about 5 days after delivery, but my time was actually pretty filled up with recovering from a C section, visiting DS in the NICU, visitors, and classes I had to take because he was a NICU baby.

MsJosie

My ex and I weren't together either when I had LO. He also wasn't involved at all during my pregnancy. He was there when I gave birth. If I could do it all over again, I wouldn't have him there either. I would have called him after the fact. He just caused more stress and hell on me (which I had to have him removed from the hospital anyway). My BIGGEST regret was having him there. Also, do not give the baby his last name.

ljandrews22

Giving the baby his last name is the latest issue I'm struggling with. Just because I never had my fathers last name and I sorta feel like the outcast/secret when I go around that side of the family. 

 

Weird, I know. 

ljandrews22

nikkilyn35:

I do understand a little how you feel.

I wasn't married to nor living with my BD when I got pregnant.  We had more of a casual relationship, so while I didn't have the expectations of automatically becoming a couple because there was going to be a baby, I also didn't anticipate how miserable he would make me the entire pregnancy. 

 still, when it came down to it, it was hard to see the other "happy couples" in the hospital and not have a tiny bit of hope that he would come around.  I made the mistake of emailing him from the hospital, only to get more lies in response.

 I had a very good friend with me at delivery to make sure it was all drama free.  I was at the hospital for about 5 days after delivery, but my time was actually pretty filled up with recovering from a C section, visiting DS in the NICU, visitors, and classes I had to take because he was a NICU baby.

 

Thank you for sharing, sounds a bit like my situation and the fear that I have come delivery day.  Now to choose a friend who won't make me even more stressed on the big day! 

Kmalissa08

Hey,

First I'm sorry that you're going through this. I know all about it. My boyfriend broke up with me the week after he found out I was pregnant. That lasted about a week and we got back together. He is an Olympic athlete and said he wasn't coming to terms with us having a baby but he would try. Well when I was almost 6 months pregnant, he broke up with me again. He said he still couldn't accept it and needed some time.

I moved from CO to TX to be with my family for support. Through that time we talked some but not a whole lot. He wasn't there for lo's birth and because of his race schedule, he didn't get to come and see her until she was almost 2 months old. He instantly fell in love with her and decided that he wanted our family. We have a long distance relationship and only see eachother once a month for a few days but so far its working for us. Don't write him off just yet, but keep in mind that no matter what happens, you have to be strong for your baby.

stephcash

ljandrews22:

Giving the baby his last name is the latest issue I'm struggling with. Just because I never had my fathers last name and I sorta feel like the outcast/secret when I go around that side of the family.

 

At my hospital (and I think in my state, IL) they told me that the dad would have to sign the birth certificate or take my name.  I said no problem my name it is!

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