What's up with my best friend? not ttc related

chitwngal2010

I didn't know who to ask so i thought it was a good idea to ask women who don't know either of us and could be unbiased.

my friend of almost 20 years is being so weird about her IF journey, she was gearing up to do her 1st IVF this month and got converted to IUI, whenever i call her to check in , i feel like she is screeing my calls or when she does answer says that she doesn't really want to talk about it, and i get that but, we talk about absolutely EVERYTHING and all the time, since the whole IVF thing she has been very distant, i don't understand, since she knows how hard i have been trying and probably will be doing IVF as well soon. She has other things going on in her life as well that we can talk about and i told her that, we could talk about me too.

I just feel shut out, and i don't know if it's something i am doing, it's not like i can't relate to what she is going through. she didn't even want to discuss her levels with me or test results. She just says she doesn't want to discuss things and stress out, this is a girl that talks to me about every little detail in her life and will harp on the same thing over and over and now nothing?

sorry to post her but i didn't know who to ask for an opinion. have any of you shut your good friends out?

Mrs.McIrish

She might be KU and not ready to share it until 12 weeks..  If she was talking about it before and now isn't, that's what I'd be thinking.

chitwngal2010

Mrs. Mcirish,  sometimes she will talk a bit about it, but won't really open up, she told me yesterday that her IVF got converted to IUI and she will know in 2 weeks if she is pregant, but quickly after that said she didn't want to discuss anything and pretended like she had to do something, i know her like the back of my hand, something is up. i am just backing off and told her i am here when she needs me.

it just makes me sad, we always talked about being pregnant at the same time and stuff and now that might actually happen, she is distanting herself from me.

dhreczuck

I've given up on trying to figure people out, this whole subject really brings out some weird stuff in people sometimes.  Maybe she's afraid you'll get a bfp before she does? My sister was going through ttc with me for a few months and those conversations tended to be one sided. She didn't really have any interest in hearing about what I was dealing with and never asked questions because I think she assumed I'd get KU before she did. (and I did and m/c and now she's 12 wks)

If your comfortable I'd say bring it up with her in a non defensive way?

Country Girl in the City

I have not shut out any friends but I can be sensitive even with my closest friends.  I did send a few friends the info sheet from resolve on what to say when your friend is going through IF.  Now that I have moved onto IVF I really feel like some people don't understand what I am going through.  My former boss said she knows exactly what I am going through because she had one IUI and it worked.  I kind of watned to slap her.  However, since that is frowned upon in the workplace I told her that she was very lucky that the first IUI worked and she only had Clomid.

This is probably a rough time for her and even more so since she had to convert to an IUI.  Maybe give her some space and let her lead the conversation.

danieleandwayne

My first thought was that she got some kind of news at her latest appointment (beyond the conversion to IUI) and it's really got her down/stressed out.

I talk about just about anything until it gets really serious/starts to bother me-- then I clam up and get quiet. I didn't tell anyone for 3 months that I had a precancerous tumour in my throat and might lose my voice box, for example. But I'd talk about bad relationships, other health issues, etc. Could this be the case with her?

chitwngal2010

thanks for the responses, maybe i am just being sensitive going through IF myself, i just thought that we would share all the details since we were going through the same thing, but i suppose this is a very personal journey and it's just her way of coping. maybe not talking about it helps her not think about it too much. it's not like her to clam up but this is different then most things in life and maybe she is worried it may not happen for her or it will happen for me before her and doesn't want to say anything.

either way, i am backing off and letting her reach out when she wants/needs to. thank god for you girls, i just wish i had my non-bump real life girlfriend right now.