Update on us (long)

nmartin1108

So after our last and final FET we made the decision not to move forward with fertility treatments. My body is shot, I feel so unhealthy (emotionally, physically, etc, etc) and we both feel like it would be a bad decision to keep putting me through this (especially another egg retrieval which was our original plan).

We contacted some adoption agencies just to start getting some more info, and happened to have a very long conversation with the mother of a friend of mine who owns an agency. Apparently Russian adoptions are the big thing in international adoption right now. It's fast (we could be parents by Christmas), but it's expensive (average $40-45,000). This may be an option for us down the road, but that's a lot of money right now, and there are some other issues like MH's birth certificate still says female, and that causes some issues with international adoptions, etc.

MH ended up talking with his best friend about everything one evening and she offered to be a surrogate for us. Well, she has been offering to be a surrogate for us for years, and it had always been an option, but we just never thought I wouldn't be able to get pregnant. So basically what we would do is a traditional surrogacy using donor sperm. It ends up being legally an adoption as opposed to a surrogacy because neither MH or myself will be genetically related to our child. The benefits are that it's much less expensive (we're estimating ~$15,000 for expenses - she would not be compensated for being our surrogate), if she is able to get pregnant, which she has two children already, we would not have to worry about her changing her mind, and we get to raise our children from day 1.

We're still waiting to hear back from lawyers in OK (where our surrogate lives, we live in NY) to see if adoption is the only option. We found out that we can just transfer ownership of our donor sperm to her so we won't have that expense, just shipping it out there. We've talked with our paster and my Aunt/Uncle who are basically our biggest support networks, and they are very supportive. Right now this seems like our best option and I'm so excited about the prospect of becoming a mom!

ssg73

Sounds like a great plan.  I hope things fall into place.

2brides

What a wonderful option! I hope everything works out for you. You have worked so hard to have a family.

thiswillbe

So glad you have good options available to you! What a sweet offer. I wish you and DH the best as you travel this next leg of your journey!

Kershnic

It sounds like you have some great options.  It's so frustrating how expensive adoption (especially international) can be.  It sounds like you have a great friend on board to help.  Good luck, and keep us updated as you move along!  Are you still pursuing foster care in the mean time?

ctbride08

Best wishes on all fronts.  You WILL be a mommy!

LV1979

It sounds well thought out and you are taking all the steps to protect yourselves.  Good Luck!!!

EratMama

I AM GLAD YOU FOUND AN OPTION THAT WILL WORK FOR YOU...IT WILl WORK OUT.

 

JUST WANTED TO ADD THAT MANY FOSTEr ADOPTIONS ARE FrEe AND LGBT FrIENDLY. 

nmartin1108

Kershnic:

It sounds like you have some great options.  It's so frustrating how expensive adoption (especially international) can be.  It sounds like you have a great friend on board to help.  Good luck, and keep us updated as you move along!  Are you still pursuing foster care in the mean time?

 

We are still pursuing foster care and are very open to adopting through foster care if we get placements who fit well and are free for adoption. Our surrogate is a bit older than us (37), so the timeframe for this option is definitely shorter. 

seattlekari

Best of luck to you as you work through the details!!!

hlke

I'm glad you guys are finding options that work for you.  It sounds like it could be an amazing option.

ball.and.chain

What a great friend!  Good luck.

lethalmermaid

Hi, it's good to see an update.  I am so sorry that things are not working like you wanted them to.  I hope you hear back from the lawyers in OK soon because this sounds like a great option for you and your H. 

nmartin1108

Thank you all for your support! We had a two hour wonderful conversation with our surro last night. I am so grateful for her generosity and huge heart. I'll keep everyone posted on our journey!