XP:feeling conflicted

QuiltingBee

Hi folks.  My LO turns one in just under 2 weeks.  Breast feeding was hard at first but we persevered and now I fel like we both find it comforting, easy, and convenient.  LO does go to daycare 4 days a week and drinks expressed milk there.  We co-sleep and he wakes every 1-2 hours to nurse back to sleep.  I'm torn as to what to do in terms of whether to try to wean.  In an ideal world I'd let him self wean whenever he is ready.  But...

1.  I,d love to have another but it doen,t look like I have a chance of ovulating w/o weaning?..plus we needed fertility treatments to get pregnant with LO.  Realistically I'm likely to need treatments again, which I can,t start while BFing.

2.  I'm so over pumping

3.  DH seems to be afraid I'm going to nurse the kid into adulthood.

I could just slowly stop pumping at work and nurse when we are together until mynsupplyndries up or he self weans, but I'm having a hard  Time with guilt over considering this "compromise"

 

I know no one can tell me what to do... Just needed to vent and see if anyone had had similar concerns. 

3003girl

We, too, had trouble at the start. I hated breast feeding until about 3 months into it. Then it all seemed to click. And then I loved it. 

I think every baby/mom combo is different. My LO literally nursed every 2-3 hours up until she was about 19 months old. She just recently slowed down. It would have been really hard to wean her. I was fortunate enough to be able to work from home and not have to pump. I had to pump for her first year and it sucked. I think I would have stopped pumping at 1 year even if I was still working. We just night weaned at 21 months and it really wasn't that difficult (she is still not STTN, but it's slowly getting better.) I would have liked to night wean earlier, but she was always either sick or teething, and nursing was a great comfort to her. I don't know what I would have done without it. 

We are also not TTC, so that is not a concern of mine that I had to consider.  

I don't have any advice for you - except to say that it's a hard decision, and I am sure you will do what is best! 

QuiltingBee

solidio:

We, too, had trouble at the start. I hated breast feeding until about 3 months into it. Then it all seemed to click. And then I loved it. 

I think every baby/mom combo is different. My LO literally nursed every 2-3 hours up until she was about 19 months old. She just recently slowed down. It would have been really hard to wean her. I was fortunate enough to be able to work from home and not have to pump. I had to pump for her first year and it sucked. I think I would have stopped pumping at 1 year even if I was still working. We just night weaned at 21 months and it really wasn't that difficult (she is still not STTN, but it's slowly getting better.) I would have liked to night wean earlier, but she was always either sick or teething, and nursing was a great comfort to her. I don't know what I would have done without it. 

We are also not TTC, so that is not a concern of mine that I had to consider.  

I don't have any advice for you - except to say that it's a hard decision, and I am sure you will do what is best! 

 Thanks.  I guess I just want to do what is best for LO but I also have the desire to have more children(and I feel a little pressure due to fert. Issues).  I also have a lot of guilt about working and I feel like our nursing sessions are so nice for bonding.  I also have a steady supply, and it seems silly to give him WCM when I am making enough bm.  Thanks for listening.  

Of course if he doesn't learn how to sleep for longer stretches mommy and daddy won't have the chance to make more babies regardless.... 

 

 

pixieprincss

DS is 15 months old, and we have some friends with kids of similar ages, so I can recognize some of your processing. I stopped sending milk in with DS on the two days my parents watch him as he transitioned himself from primarily BM to primarily solids. He was all about nursing at 12 mo, but by 13 had shifted himself. We are not fans of cow's milk, so I didn't sub that in, but many families do.

As for the night, DS was waking every two hours and that was no longer working for me as I was in early pregnancy and exhausted (Fingers crossed for you on that! We dealt with IF and loss before DS. More on the fertility aspect in a minute...) I decided that we would move to every 4 hours unless he was inconsolable in which case, I would let him guide the nursing. I would tell him that, "Milkies were asleep. Would you like a special cuddle instead?" It was rough for two nights, but then he got it. That said, he still does not STTN--though he is mostly night-weaned. Night-waking may be tied to hunger for your DC, it may not be.

In terms of fertility, it is possible that your cycle may return simply with less nursing. You are a FT BFing mama right now, and it is possible that with some weaning, your hormones will change.  If you think of this as a phased thing, it may help you feel like you have more options and/or are being gentle with DC. Some possible phases
- keep pumping and see if DC shifts himself to solids in the next month or so
-see what happens if you stop pumping. 
-space out night feedings
-set a goal to reevaluate in x months about weaning

I don't know what will apply to IF DX, but here are some thoughts that may or may not fit...
-if your cycle returns, talk to your dr about how many cycles you need to TTC before you can go to the RE. Some OBs will require 6 months of TTC, even with a previous IF DX. If your cycle had returned, an OB may let you count those 6 cycles in indeed you are indeed ovulating
-Verify that baby must be 100% weaned for them to refer you. Get a second opinion, if needed. If you are ovulating despite BFing a litle, it may not be a problem. Occasionally, a dr will let you take certain things while BFing (namely Clomid)

I have a friend who followed this phased approach and her cycle did indeed return. She still nurses 1-2 times per day (well, night) even though she is working on her RE referral.

I wish you peace, wisdom, and fertility as you navigate!

QuiltingBee

pixieprincss:

DS is 15 months old, and we have some friends with kids of similar ages, so I can recognize some of your processing. I stopped sending milk in with DS on the two days my parents watch him as he transitioned himself from primarily BM to primarily solids. He was all about nursing at 12 mo, but by 13 had shifted himself. We are not fans of cow's milk, so I didn't sub that in, but many families do.

As for the night, DS was waking every two hours and that was no longer working for me as I was in early pregnancy and exhausted (Fingers crossed for you on that! We dealt with IF and loss before DS. More on the fertility aspect in a minute...) I decided that we would move to every 4 hours unless he was inconsolable in which case, I would let him guide the nursing. I would tell him that, "Milkies were asleep. Would you like a special cuddle instead?" It was rough for two nights, but then he got it. That said, he still does not STTN--though he is mostly night-weaned. Night-waking may be tied to hunger for your DC, it may not be.

In terms of fertility, it is possible that your cycle may return simply with less nursing. You are a FT BFing mama right now, and it is possible that with some weaning, your hormones will change.  If you think of this as a phased thing, it may help you feel like you have more options and/or are being gentle with DC. Some possible phases
- keep pumping and see if DC shifts himself to solids in the next month or so
-see what happens if you stop pumping. 
-space out night feedings
-set a goal to reevaluate in x months about weaning

I don't know what will apply to IF DX, but here are some thoughts that may or may not fit...
-if your cycle returns, talk to your dr about how many cycles you need to TTC before you can go to the RE. Some OBs will require 6 months of TTC, even with a previous IF DX. If your cycle had returned, an OB may let you count those 6 cycles in indeed you are indeed ovulating
-Verify that baby must be 100% weaned for them to refer you. Get a second opinion, if needed. If you are ovulating despite BFing a litle, it may not be a problem. Occasionally, a dr will let you take certain things while BFing (namely Clomid)

I have a friend who followed this phased approach and her cycle did indeed return. She still nurses 1-2 times per day (well, night) even though she is working on her RE referral.

I wish you peace, wisdom, and fertility as you navigate!

Thanks for your input!  We aren't actively TTC (we'd have to have time/energy for sex which isn't happening right now),  but we don't want to prevent.  It's really just always in the back of my mind.  I'm more than greatful for the wonderful son I have, but I do want more (and I would love for him to have at least one sibling). 

 We tried Clomid initially but I might as well have been taking tic-tacs.  It did absolutely nothing :-)  I know I shouldn't, but part of me hopes that pregnancy "rebooted" me and I'll just start laying eggs on my own from here on out.

 We've tried spacing out the night nursings.  It worked and then he got sick...and then he started becoming a were-child.  He's happy as can be in the day, but at night he will flail and scream if he's not nursed back down.  Even if Daddy goes to him.  I can actually function at work the next day if I co-sleep and just dream nurse whenever he wants...but it's not doing much for breaking that sleep association.  He may be hungry...but I think it's more for comfort as he usually falls asleep pretty quickly w/o a lot of nutritive sucking.

Anyway, thanks for your thoughts and for listening!