s/o siblings..

cotner

Only one person answered yes!?!  What is the answer for us parents with 2+ kids to help create closer,at least respectful, relationships between our kids?  I see my brother every week, but we aren't close emotionally.  I get along and talk often to my SIL and I think that " makes up" for it.  

What are you doing to nurture those relationships, if you are close what did your parents do? 

Teresa

Isn't it sad? 

We wanted two kids so they would have a sibling and that bond everyone dreams about.  I think I know 5 people who can even stand their siblings (I am not one of them). 

So as much as I can't stand my siblings, I'm still making sure that my kids know that we care about them and I don't bad mouth them in front of the kids.  We still see them when we can (luckily they all live out of state) and try to promote a positive spin on how we love our family.  My kids are young so it's easy to keep up this appearance for now. 

It's a long road and I think it's just a crap shoot as to how friendly your kids will be towards each other eventually.  

bebemama

I am SUPER close with my 2 siblings who are 5 and 7 years older then me.  I didn't answer that post since it was worded to be more of a question for those with siblings that they are not close to.  I think if it were worded differently there would have been more responses about being close.  

My siblings and I are close because we've always had to there for one another,  my mother was a single mom and worked a lot and was gone most nights.  So we learned to take care of things and be a little team.  I talk to most siblings at least 5x a week and see them often.  I LOVE them! 

blush64

I am very close to my siblings. (there are only 4 of us) We argue from time to time but nothing serious. We see each other all the time and our kids act like siblings more than cousins. We live very close and make an effort to make sure we never miss holidays or birthdays. This isn't to say we do nothing apart becaues that isn't true either but we are a vey close family.

My parents are from large families and each weekend we spent visiting relatives. (when my siblings and I were kids) Summers were spent having cousins stay over for several nights at a time and then we would spend a few nights at their houses as well.  Even now my mothers family has a gathering 3 times a year that we all attend.(all meaning aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins and at this point the cousins' kids...so over 70 of us right now..my mom is one of 12) (and we see most of the relatives much more frequently)

Basically we saw our parents enjoy close family relationships even through disagreements, fights and anything else that came up. IT just naturally happened as we grew older that we wanted to keep things the same.

I couldn't imagine my sons not being close when they are older. I stress the importance of family time and they are teens now but we always make time to do things together. They are required to attend the birthdays and parties for their younger cousins although they're always happy to go so far. My kids fight and I think that's natural but they are also there for each other. (they are 16 and 13 so I think some fighting is normal between brothers)

EDIT It was always stressed that family is forever and that no matter what arguement or fight your family is behind you. Relatives have moved accross the country and back but there were always letters, phone calls and eventually everyone ended up back close by. Actually my parents were raised to be close to their extended family and I guess it's just always been that way for them too.

I think it helps that my family was very accepting of many things. Not that they were happy with certain things but there was never something that happened that couldn't be dealt with together. There was never the fear that you would be "kicked out" for certain beliefs or behaviours. When it is no longer cool for teens to show up to certain events they usually bring a friend rather than be allowed to sit at home. Although with a larger family there are usually cousins that are close in age.

bubu

My dad was close to his siblings (he had 4 brothers and 3 sisters) as adults. I never saw them being mad at each other and not speaking but then again I was a child. However my mom has 2 sisters and a brother. My mother's brother is weird and I choose to stay away just as much as he has chosen to stay away from everyone for years. My mom and her sisters fight often and two of them frequently go from speaking terms to non speaking terms but all three speak to my mother. I would not say any of them are close.

My parents did nothing to make my brothers and I close, it just happened.  My mother did way more than my father trying to stay apart of my half brother's life and keep him apart of ours. She was the one always reaching out to him even though she is not his mother. I think my bio brother and I are close because our childhood was very traumatic and scary. We were all we had at times. He was not only my brother but he was my protector and sometimes acted as a parent to me so I think that is why we are so close. Once my parents split I saw my half bro even less but he did reach out to see us but he was married, had a kid, and his own life. When he was about to get remarried his current wife really had a hand in reuniting us for good. I'm not sure how I will try to keep the kids close to each other. It all depends on their personalities but I really will do whatever I can to keep them close.

Cbidt's girl

My sister is my best friend and has been since I graduated high school.  My parents fostered a close knit supportive nuclear family and my relationship with my sister is an extension of my parents' value on family.  I didn't answer previous post.

jlw2505

Honestly, other than having open communication and being honest and teaching our kids to be accepting of others, even if they are different from you - I don't feel like you can do much.  Siblings can sometimes just be very different from each other and can react to things in life differently.  I am one that has a very close relationship with my sisters (2 of them) and up until a few years ago, had a close relationship with my brother and still consider it a good relationship right now just one that is dealing with his divorce and stress that goes along with that).  As far as my kids - they are night and day and right now, very close.  They are best friends.  What we do is teach them to respect each other, to lean on each other and talk to each other (they are 4 and almost 6 right now so a lot of this will show more as they get older).  We also talk to them about how they are different, how they are good at certain things and that it is OK if they both are not good at the same things, that it is OK if they like different things.  We make sure they both feel special in their own ways.  We try to do things as a family but also make sure each has special 1:1 time with each parent.    I think its hard and I have watched friends from my childhood who had great relationships and great parents simple grow apart once they moved away from home for no reason other than life.  We pick our friends but family is family.  For some, family is everything and they will do whatever it takes to stay close while for others, family should jusjt always be there or not and it is the rest of their life that they put time and effort into.  I can only hope that my girls will stay the best of friends for life as I know how great that relationship can be and I know how hard it can also be.  I tell my girls all the time that they will have each other for life and they need to respect that relationship and make it work.

Littlejen22

I am not close to my brother, I see him for the little ones birthdays (3 days) and holidays so usually Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas.  

I hope to find interests to foster that my kids have something they love and can do together and talk about. Right now all we have is travel which I hope is life-long love DS is not into sports but they both love crafts. 

JoannaJes

I didn't answer the previous post, but I am pretty close with my siblings. I think for several reasons:

- we always had to treat each other with respect. No name calling, hitting, etc. We weren't left to just battle it out between each other.

- shared family interests. All three of us played tennis together. My sister and I played doubles from time to time. We all took golf lessons and swimming lessons together. We all like going to the movies. Drinking together.  (well, that is more in the present)

- we had to go to each others events. Choir concerts, football games, school plays...we would attend each others things and show support, even though there were times when our parents had to strongly encourage (make) us go.

- my parents instilled a strong sense of always helping each other out. When I got a job as a camp counselor, I got my brother his first job at the ice cream place located at the camp. Then several years later, my brother got both myself and my sister jobs at the country club that he worked at. He ended up being manager, and my sister worked with him for two years until he left and then she became manager. 

 

brightning

My DH and I both are technically with only children, and our half-siblings are 10 yrs younger than us, so neither of us knows what it's like to have a true sibling relationship. I really think it's the luck of the draw whether your children grow up to become good friends - their personalities could end up to be so different and incompatible.

Even though we have enough space for each girl to have her own room, they are sharing a room because I think it's important for them to learn to share their space and get along. I'm not really sure what else we'll do to help them to be friends. 

MammaBear81

I didn't see the earlier post, but my sister and I are very close now.  We are 3 years apart, and that made a big difference when we were younger (so much that I didn't want my kids to be more than 2 years apart).  We ended up going to the same college, and we grew closer then, and now that we have kids we are really close (talk on the phone at least once a day)  She live 6 hours away so we try to see them once every two months.

I think having kids closer together helps them bond as siblings, we also do a lot of things as a family, and teach them to help each other.  If one of them is sad, the others will make them happy, if they need help, someone is there, and willing to help them.  Since they are close in age they can also work on projects (legos, train sets, etc) together which they love to do.