Advice on handling this situation??

xDanniellex

Next weekend is my sister's bridal shower.  Mostly with our family.

My family has always been the type to ask "when you having kids?"  They did it before I got pregnant with my son.  And comments have been made since his birth about when we'd be having #2.  Normally I would just brush it off, but now it will be harder to be flip when I should be almost 10 weeks, and about to come out of the closet.  

Part of me wants to be mean and say "Not that is any of your business, but I just had a m/c last month."  The other part of me knows that this is how my family is and I should just say something about we're working on it.  Plus, I'm not sure I want the WHOLE (we're talking great aunts and 2nd and 3rd cousins) knowing about the m/c.  

I just don't know how to proceed.  How would you handle this, or how have you handled it??  I truly hate that I have to even think about this scenario!! 

sweetiestar

i am sorry for your loss, it does suck. I never thought i would be in this situation, never thought i would have to say goodbye to my babies. I also have a son and when people have asked i either just smile and say something polite like when the time is ready. But i find myself more often then not saying while i was pregnant with twins but i lost them (or miscarried them). they usually say something like they are sorry and so on. At first i didnt want to talk about it, but they were may babies and i loved them. I dont want to pretend like they didnt exist because it makes people uncomfortable. i hope you feel better soon and have a little fun at your sisters bridal shower, i will be in the same boat at a bridal shower this weekend also.  

emjo03

I do not care if anyone (with the exception of my kids who don't get it) knows about my miscarriages.  I'd rather they know and hopefully not say insensitive things in front of me rather than say things that hurt but they have no idea as I did not tell them.

 

So, I would handle it by saying, "We're trying.  I was pregnant but we lost it so we are in a holding pattern right now."  I expect that will shut them up pretty quickly as no one really wants to talk about your sex life or what you are or are not allowed to do right now.

TLR813

If I'm asked, I will tell my family (aunts, cousins, etc.) about the miscarriage.  It's nice to have the support of my family, and now they will watch what they say around me.  Also, I want my younger girl cousins to know.  As far as I'm concerned I'm the first in my family to go through this.  If this were to happen to someone else in my family, I'd want them to know I've been there, and am there for them to talk to.

oktobersky

In my head I've decided to simply reply with "We're hoping to have another one soon".  If they press for details, I'll mention that we did get pregnant and unfortunately had a miscarriage.  In reality, I don't know how I'll handle it.  I'm still extremely emotional so I may just as well break down and cry.

Good luck - I hope you're still able to enjoy the bridal shower.

autoleaseusa

First, I am so sorry for your loss. I am not in the same boat, as I do not have any kids, but I did just have a m/c. My family is the same with the inappropriate questions. If they start prying at your sister's shower, I would try to say that you did just experience a m/c, but that it's your sisters day and you want to focus on her. Maybe that will help them understand that while they care about you and love you, always asking when you're going to have another baby is something they will have to wait for the announcement for. I wasn't going to tell my 91 year old Grandmother about my m/c b/c I figured why give her any bad news - but I knew come Mothers Day she'd be all over the baby questions - hopefully now she'll be more sensitive and it will prevent an uncomfortable situation. 

It's a terrible situation to be in - stay strong  

MWoodside

I say "we are going to start thinking about #2 one E is 2 years old".  It puts off the questions after that.  Although I am running out of time on that one. LOL.