DD is 2 weeks old and I'm already having meltdowns about going back to work

TKx2

Ugh.  Paige is 2 weeks today, which means I'm 2 weeks closer to going back to a job I hate.  I've already had several panic attacks over it.  It's not so much that I have to work - as much as I would love to be a SAHM I've accepted the fact that it just isn't in the cards for us.  Plus I think daycare has been a really good experience for Adelynn.  But, I hate my job.  I loved teaching when I got into it 7 years ago, but I'm burned out.  I'm sure those of you in education will understand.  Lots of things going on outside of my classroom have just taken the joy out of it for me.  And the 2+ hour round trip commute isn't helping either.  I had major issues going back after Adelynn - I ended up on depression and anxiety meds just to get through the year.  And this time I will have been off for almost a year since I got pulled from work at 12 weeks.

I know the obvious solution is to find a new career, the problem is I just don't know what else to do.  We can't afford for me to go back to school right now, nor can we afford for me to take a major pay cut (and my district pays really, really, well).  My dream job is to open my own small baking business, doing specialty cakes and dessert bars, but I don't see being able to turn that into a $60K/year business.  I'm at the point where I don't care if I love what I'm doing, I just don't want to be miserable every day when I go into work. 

I just needed to vent, so thanks for listening.

shouldbworkin

(((hugs)))  I'm feeling the same way and I love my job.  But, it was taking a lot out of me before I left on leave and I'm really, really enjoying my time away with baby and family. 

MarxieVonTrapp

Have you thought about looking into other areas of working in a school? Administration, admissions, advancement, counseling, library, etc.?  You would still be in your school, but with a different focus that might help you get through it.  It could be a gradual thing, but something to look forward to--go get the advanced degree (if needed) to get the different area of your career so you have something to keep you going until you can make that change.

TKx2

MarxieVonTrapp:

Have you thought about looking into other areas of working in a school? Administration, admissions, advancement, counseling, library, etc.?  You would still be in your school, but with a different focus that might help you get through it.  It could be a gradual thing, but something to look forward to--go get the advanced degree (if needed) to get the different area of your career so you have something to keep you going until you can make that change.

Anything I might consider requires another degree, and as I said, we can't afford it right now, nor do I have the time with a toddler and newborn.  We're still paying off my undergrad and graduate degrees and will be for a long time!

jkfranklin

I don't have any advice but I just wanted to give you a big ((hug)).  I'm already sad about having to go back to work and I'm not even off work yet!  I don't love my job but I don't hate it either.  It's a job.  The only thing that gets me through is the flexibility allows me to work from home if I need to.

eav2c

(hugs) I understand... I loved teaching early on but I'm over it. At least for now. I'm only certified for pre-k through 3rd and I feel limited and lonely. Do you have any local colleges where you can teach education classes? We have several local colleges that are always looking for adjunct professors to teach low level education classes. Positives with all thus is you really can create your yen schedule, come and go as you please, and the environment is much more laid back. Might not be an option for you but at least wanted to suggest it. Feel better and keep that chin up!

TKx2

eav2c:

(hugs) I understand... I loved teaching early on but I'm over it. At least for now. I'm only certified for pre-k through 3rd and I feel limited and lonely. Do you have any local colleges where you can teach education classes? We have several local colleges that are always looking for adjunct professors to teach low level education classes. Positives with all thus is you really can create your yen schedule, come and go as you please, and the environment is much more laid back. Might not be an option for you but at least wanted to suggest it. Feel better and keep that chin up!

There are tons of colleges and universities in the area...I'm frantically searching all their employment sites right now!

dojo1

I'm not an educator, but I definitely felt similarly about my job at one point... I'm a lawyer and I really don't like to fight with people!  Changing my mindset helped me a lot... Every time I caught myself having negative thoughts about work I would remind myself of something that I liked... Even if it was something as trivial as enjoying the coffee machine!  I didn't focus on pay because as you know, money is not enough to make you less miserable.  I also stopped thinking of "fighting" with people and started thinking of it as negotiating / coming to an agreement. 

AwkwardBaby

Tristi, I know EXACTLY how you feel.  There is just so much BS that is involved with teaching that  most people don't understand at all.  I dread the day I have to go back so much.  And I totally understand where you are coming from in wanting a new job (my secret goal is to open a bakery as well), and not really being able to find another one.  My biggest thing is that I would do just about any job right now, but I don't want to have to work more for less. At least part of the reason that I chose education was because of the schedule.  I just can't fathom working somewhere where I will only get 2 weeks of vacation a year, and probably end up making less money...

I know!  We could start a tv show about babies and baking!

TKx2

AwkwardBaby:

Tristi, I know EXACTLY how you feel.  There is just so much BS that is involved with teaching that  most people don't understand at all.  I dread the day I have to go back so much.  And I totally understand where you are coming from in wanting a new job (my secret goal is to open a bakery as well), and not really being able to find another one.  My biggest thing is that I would do just about any job right now, but I don't want to have to work more for less. At least part of the reason that I chose education was because of the schedule.  I just can't fathom working somewhere where I will only get 2 weeks of vacation a year, and probably end up making less money...

I know!  We could start a tv show about babies and baking!

I know, the thought of giving up my summers is killing me.  It's the one perk this job has right now. 

SteelCity44

I've seen the other end of the spectrum through MH who was searching for a teaching job. We were both teachers until his school's levy didn't pass and his position was eliminated - 3 months after we got married and moved to be closer to his job. Since then, he has worked 9 different jobs that don't pay well. One of those jobs was working in a factory putting stickers on the bottom of soap dispensers and re-boxing shower caddies for 8 hours a day standing on a mat in front of a conveyor belt (think Laverne and Shirley). Right now, he would love to have a teaching job that he hates, because at least that gets respect from most people. I understand being burnt out, but always keep in perspective that you're very lucky to have a job, especially one that pays $60k/year.

AwkwardBaby

SteelCity44:

I've seen the other end of the spectrum through MH who was searching for a teaching job. We were both teachers until his school's levy didn't pass and his position was eliminated - 3 months after we got married and moved to be closer to his job. Since then, he has worked 9 different jobs that don't pay well. One of those jobs was working in a factory putting stickers on the bottom of soap dispensers and re-boxing shower caddies for 8 hours a day standing on a mat in front of a conveyor belt (think Laverne and Shirley). Right now, he would love to have a teaching job that he hates, because at least that gets respect from most people. I understand being burnt out, but always keep in perspective that you're very lucky to have a job, especially one that pays $60k/year.

Oh -  I agree completely with this!  I am very fortunate to have the job that I do.  In fact, I know that a lot of the reason why I am burnt out is because of the school that I teach at (low performing, low SES, a school board that thinks ONLY the teachers have any part in educating the students, etc.).  But, there are no jobs near me that are in my field, so I guess I'm stuck where I'm at for the time being...

TKx2

SteelCity44:

I've seen the other end of the spectrum through MH who was searching for a teaching job. We were both teachers until his school's levy didn't pass and his position was eliminated - 3 months after we got married and moved to be closer to his job. Since then, he has worked 9 different jobs that don't pay well. One of those jobs was working in a factory putting stickers on the bottom of soap dispensers and re-boxing shower caddies for 8 hours a day standing on a mat in front of a conveyor belt (think Laverne and Shirley). Right now, he would love to have a teaching job that he hates, because at least that gets respect from most people. I understand being burnt out, but always keep in perspective that you're very lucky to have a job, especially one that pays $60k/year.

I understand that I'm lucky to have a well-paying job right now, and I'm sorry that your DH is having a hard time finding a position.  However, that doesn't change the fact that I'm miserable 10 hours a day and it's taking a toll on my family.  I certainly am not just going to quit my job with no back up plan, but I am searching out alternatives right now for something that will hopefully bring more balance to my life.

TKx2

AwkwardBaby:

SteelCity44:

I've seen the other end of the spectrum through MH who was searching for a teaching job. We were both teachers until his school's levy didn't pass and his position was eliminated - 3 months after we got married and moved to be closer to his job. Since then, he has worked 9 different jobs that don't pay well. One of those jobs was working in a factory putting stickers on the bottom of soap dispensers and re-boxing shower caddies for 8 hours a day standing on a mat in front of a conveyor belt (think Laverne and Shirley). Right now, he would love to have a teaching job that he hates, because at least that gets respect from most people. I understand being burnt out, but always keep in perspective that you're very lucky to have a job, especially one that pays $60k/year.

Oh -  I agree completely with this!  I am very fortunate to have the job that I do.  In fact, I know that a lot of the reason why I am burnt out is because of the school that I teach at (low performing, low SES, a school board that thinks ONLY the teachers have any part in educating the students, etc.).  But, there are no jobs near me that are in my field, so I guess I'm stuck where I'm at for the time being...

I know where I'm working is a big part of the problem.  I've been trying to just stick it out until we can move back home, but my sister is a teacher there and she's going through the same issues in that district as well.  Plus the chances of us being able to sell this house anytime soon are slim to none.

tiannalee

I am so sorry for what you are going through.  I am in a similar situation in which I have to travel on a bus and three subways in order to get to my job and it can take up to an hour an half each way.  Also, despite the fact that I LOVE what I do, I cant stand my supervisor and several of my coworkers.  It's really really hard to travel all that distance and deal with people who suck and somehow get away with it. 

I am desperately trying to find the same job at another big hospital closer to home.  Sadly, a hospital 20 minutes away has an opening right now but for obvious reasons, I cant go back to work yet.  So anyway, I feel your pain and just wanted to give you support.  It sucks when you are unhappy with your job.  Good luck with your search.  I hope you find something. 

mommygrams0730

i'm so sorry you're already feeling down about going back to work! is there any way you could take off the rest of the school year and then go back in the fall? that way you wouldn't have to give up your job completely but you'd be able to have the whole summer off without having to go back?

i just finished my 2nd teaching license this fall (and had to student teach for 7 weeks again to fulfill my licensing requirements) and it was difficult for us those 7 weeks w/o me bringing in any money. i've been subbing since october and really hoping that i will be able to get a job by next fall. 

our problem is that my hubby is a teacher too and he's finishing his 2nd license area and is deciding if he will student teach this summer or not, again only 7 weeks but it will be challenging. if he does student teach i will have to go back to work (shortened days) for my dad (which i am so lucky and fortunate to be able to do) but if he doesn't student teach then he'll work and i will be able to stay home with the kids and possibly work 1 day a week for my dad. my 2nd baby isn't even out yet and i'm already dreading the possibility of having to go back to work in july when the baby is almost 8 weeks old. 

wavebreak09

I completely understand, I've been dreading going back to work since just a few weeks after I found out I was pregnant. I really dislike my job and my coworkers and haven't wanted to be here for a few years now, but the economy and the pay has kept me here. Now, with an unexpected baby coming in the next week or days I don't have a choice but to stay where I am. It breaks my heart to think of leaving my baby for 12 hour days and having to work on the weekends (I work for a dotcom start-up and long hours are just the status quo). My commute is about 45-75 minutes each way but it's even more time I won't be able to spend with my baby.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way, I hope things get better for you. In the meantime, just know that you aren't the only one, not that it help much.

TKx2

mommy grams:

i'm so sorry you're already feeling down about going back to work! is there any way you could take off the rest of the school year and then go back in the fall? that way you wouldn't have to give up your job completely but you'd be able to have the whole summer off without having to go back?

i just finished my 2nd teaching license this fall (and had to student teach for 7 weeks again to fulfill my licensing requirements) and it was difficult for us those 7 weeks w/o me bringing in any money. i've been subbing since october and really hoping that i will be able to get a job by next fall. 

our problem is that my hubby is a teacher too and he's finishing his 2nd license area and is deciding if he will student teach this summer or not, again only 7 weeks but it will be challenging. if he does student teach i will have to go back to work (shortened days) for my dad (which i am so lucky and fortunate to be able to do) but if he doesn't student teach then he'll work and i will be able to stay home with the kids and possibly work 1 day a week for my dad. my 2nd baby isn't even out yet and i'm already dreading the possibility of having to go back to work in july when the baby is almost 8 weeks old. 

I'm not going back until August. I wasn't expecting to freak out about it quite this early. I guess I'm just dreading it that much.

eav2c

TKx2:

eav2c:

(hugs) I understand... I loved teaching early on but I'm over it. At least for now. I'm only certified for pre-k through 3rd and I feel limited and lonely. Do you have any local colleges where you can teach education classes? We have several local colleges that are always looking for adjunct professors to teach low level education classes. Positives with all thus is you really can create your yen schedule, come and go as you please, and the environment is much more laid back. Might not be an option for you but at least wanted to suggest it. Feel better and keep that chin up!

There are tons of colleges and universities in the area...I'm frantically searching all their employment sites right now!

 

I would definitely look into this then. I didn't graduate long ago but I had tons if professors that were burnt out elementary and middle school teachers. They didn't have to have anything past a bachelors either because they were adjunct. I'm not sure how pay is but I would keep your eye out. It's something that both DH and I gave discussed but I am not sure what I will do yet. Good luck!! 

TucktheTurtle

I'm of the opinion that no amount of money is worth being miserable. Are you sure there's no way you can make staying at home work (assuming you would like to, of course)?

Once you factor in work clothes, meals out, daycare, gas, and wear and tear on your car, how much is your job really paying? If you can downsize enough to make up the difference, it just might be possible for you to stay at home.

It could require a lot of sacrifice- like, maybe going down to one car or moving in to a smaller place (I know you said you would have to sell your house, so that may not be possible), but you may be able to make it work. You just have to weigh how much the extra money is really worth. 

 

TKx2

TucktheTurtle:

I'm of the opinion that no amount of money is worth being miserable. Are you sure there's no way you can make staying at home work (assuming you would like to, of course)?

Once you factor in work clothes, meals out, daycare, gas, and wear and tear on your car, how much is your job really paying? If you can downsize enough to make up the difference, it just might be possible for you to stay at home.

It could require a lot of sacrifice- like, maybe going down to one car or moving in to a smaller place (I know you said you would have to sell your house, so that may not be possible), but you may be able to make it work. You just have to weigh how much the extra money is really worth. 

 

Unfortunately, there's no way it's possible. I still bring home a good amount of money after daycare. We live in a HCOL area and we need every penny. It might be feasible if we can ever move home, but the housing market is so bad here we don't have a chance of selling our house for what we still owe on it.

kasper923

I could have written that myself!  I woke up this morning and my first thought was I only have 10 weeks of maternity leave left!  I too hate my job.  Hang in there.

jeffsjayme

Maybe you can turn the baking into a $20K/year job and take a lower paying teaching job much closer to home.  2+ hours in a car is a very bad deal to me.