Miscarriage with no signs.

Shells920

Yesterday I went to my Midwives for my 11 week appointment and to hear my baby's heartbeat for the first time. This was my first pregnancy, and my fiance and I were very excited because we both want kids very badly. During my appointment, the Midwife attempted to find the heartbeat with the Doppler for about 10 minutes with no luck. On the inside I was freaking out. I didn't know if it was normal, or how often it happens. She said I could either come back in two weeks when the heartbeat would be stronger or they could send me to get an ultrasound. Of course I chose the ultrasound. After receiving it they told me that the baby had no heartbeat, and hadn't since around 8 weeks. I've never felt a worse heartbreak in my entire life. I was so unbelievably excited about this baby, I feel like I just received the worst April Fools joke that Mother Nature could dish out.

 

So now I have to go back in a few days and decide whether to get a D&C or use some tablets that are inserted into the vagina that cause you to pass the baby on your own. And advice or pro's and con's on either?

 

I feel like I won't truly get over this until I'm pregnant again. Like the only thing that will ease my pain is knowing I'm going to have a baby. I don't want to wait more than a month to try again. As soon as I have my first normal cycle I want to start trying. Is that wrong of me? Has anyone else felt this way after a miscarriage?

MrsDaub

I'm going through the exact same thing.  And feeling the same as you.

I had to have a D&E, my doc said I was too far along for the tablets to work.  It was so tough, emotionally.  The procedure really wasn't painful, besides getting the IV.  I'm glad though that I did the D&E; there wa no heavy bleeding to deal with.

I also want to try again as soon as I can.  My Dr. told us to wait for 3 cycles, which seems like forever.  But Maybe it is for the best so I can give myself time to emotionally heal after the loss.

Best of luck to you

oktobersky

I was 11.5 weeks when I found out that our baby stopped growing at 7.5 weeks.  When I talked to the doctor she said I could either wait until I miscarried naturally, take the tablets you mentioned, or have a D&C.  She had recommended getting a D&C because of how far along I was.  She specifically mentioned that taking the tablets would cause labour-like pains and I knew I would have a hard time coping with the physical pain on top of the emotional pain.  (I have a daughter already and for me labour pains were terribly intense.)  I opted to go with the D&C since I was put under and there wasn't much pain, aside from menstrual-like cramps afterwards.  I haven't heard much about the tablet option, other than the intense pain and the possibility of needing a D&C later if things didn't pass completely.

The gynecologist who performed the D&C said I could most likely start trying after 1 normal period.  She told me that they used to scrape the lining, which meant that you'd have to wait 2-3 periods for the lining to be strong enough to carry a baby.  They don't do this anymore, so the lining is strong enough after 1 period.  Either way, I would personally follow your doctor's instructions.

When we first found out, the first thing I wanted to know is when can we start again.  I definitely feel like I'll only really start to get over this is when I get pregnant again.  I also know that this baby will always be a part of me, although hopefully the pain will diminish over time.

I wish you the best of luck in making this decision and I hope that you get pregnant again soon.  *hugs*

Dandelion321

So sorry for your loss.  I chose to have a D&E rather than wait to have a natural miscarriage.  I wanted to be able to try again as soon as possible.  I almost felt like not knowing when it would happen naturally would be very difficult and set me back on our mission to try again...even if it was a matter of days or weeks.  The procedure was physically not bad at all.  I do not remember anything after to the anesthesia, and I did not have much bleeding or discomfort afterwards.  Good luck with your decision.

Septmomtobe

I'm in a similar spot now. 2 weeks ago my missed m/c was confirmed. The baby never had a heartbeat this was discovered when I should have been 9 weeks and confirmed a week later. My doctor gave me te options of d&c or waiting. I chose to wait bc my dr discussed the possible infertility risks associated with a d&c. This is my third consecutive m/c and I don't want to add any more risks into the mix (we will do testing once my levels return to zero). 

Anyway, I've been spotting on and off very lightly for about 10 days. On Tuesday I started bleeding and yesterday and today started passing some tissue (sorry tmi). I also have a prescription for pills to take orally which I will do on Saturday (I can't miss work this week or I would have taken them already).

Honestly the worse part has been waiting to m/c. I waited a week before asking for the pills. If that wasn't an option I probably would have asked for a d&c. The actual m/c isn't so bad as long as you are prepared and have grieved. My first m/c I was a mess bc it was unexpected. The second one as soon as I started spotting I knew it was going to happen. This one the time spent waiting has allowed me to grieve and prepare. I'm at the point where I'm ready for it to be over and to move on.

Pain wise, yes it's difficult. My doctor prescribed 800 mg of ibuproffen which helps greatly. I've been working the last 2 days so the pain is manageable. My first m/c was during a birthday party and my second while I attended an all day training. Both times no one present knew anything was going on. Everyone is different through. This is a decision you have to make. I will say (tmi) one benefit of a d&c is not having to "see" anything. A natural m/c you see everything which could also provide closure I suppose.

 Whatever you decide it will be best for you. I wanted to give you my experience as the other posters all had d&cs. Also I want to add I have 2 healthy boys so don't give up. I am sorry you are joining us but this board is very supportive.  

tessalu64

I'm so sorry for your loss. I found out a week ago tomorrow that our baby had no heartbeat. I opted for the misoprostol/cytotec pills that you insert because I was afraid of the infertility that a D&C can cause. It is rare but the possibility is there which was something I didn't always want in the back of my mind.

 I've read a lot of horror stories about the misoprostol but for me it worked exactly as it should. It was painful but I am glad I was able to go through it in the comfort of my own home and have my husband by my side.

oktobersky

I posted earlier that I went with the D&C... no one mentioned to me that there was a risk of infertility with it and now I'm panicking about that possibility after seeing it mentioned a couple times on this board.  Many women I know had a D&C and went on to have a healthy baby afterwards, but now I'm getting worried about it. 

Why is all this stuff just so emotionally difficult and draining? 

Shells920

I want to thank all of you for the support and you've honestly helped me make the decision of what to do. I'm leaning towards a D&C, because like Septmomtobe said, with a D&C it's over with a procedure and you don't have to "see" it. And I am terrified of seeing parts of my baby, I think that would only further depress me.

And to oktobersky, I know how you feel. It's not fair that this happened to any of us. I've been trying to look on the bright side, that this probably happened because there was just something not right with the baby, and this might mean that now it doesn't have to go through life with a disability of some sort. And as far as the D&C goes, my mother said she had two, and she had kids afterword. I think it's very rare that it can cause infertility. And from what I know, it's because of scar tissue, and if they really don't do the scraping anymore than it's probably even less likely now.

oktobersky

Thank you Shells, your reassurance means so much to me.  I know I'm just freaking myself out right now and in all reality we'll eventually have another healthy baby.  I'm (hopefully) only a couple weeks away from being able to start trying again, but I'm really anxious about the future.  I guess I just need to know there's still hope.

My thoughts will be with you over the next few days.  I really hope that you recover quickly from the physical side of things, and that you can begin the journey of adjusting emotionally and trying again.  *hugs*

MWoodside

I'm sorry for your loss.

I also had a silent/missed m/c.  I was 13w4d.  I had seen my baby alive & well on 2 u/s earlier in the pg.  I had heard the HB via dopplar.  Everything was going great.  Then the baby died.  It was totally unexpected.  I know how you feel.

The thing about trying again is only you know when you are ready.  They will typically say to wait 1(at least) cycle regardless of how you have the m/c (D&C, natural, pill).  One thing to consider is being emotionally ready to face another loss.  Obviously I hope none of us go through this again, but it can happen so we need to be as emotionally back on track as possible before facing that situation.

I am excited to try again, but my dr recommended waiting 2 cycles & we are abiding by that.  I did feel ready after 1, but I want both my body & mind to be strong enough to face all possible outcomes of my next pg.

Shells920

The thought of having a second m/c after this one is very scary. But it's a risk I'm willing to take. My fiance is in the army and will be deploying in August. If we don't conceive before then, we'd have to wait another whole year till he got back to try again. I think having to wait that long for what I almost had would drive me crazy.

In the end I just have to hope that the next baby is strong enough to get through whatever it was that this baby couldn't. I think the only worse feeling than losing my first baby would be to lose the second.

And to oktobersky, you're very welcome. And thank you. I wish you the best of luck ttc. *Hugs*