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Single Parents
Serious subject...need advice
So, I do not really want to get into the whole thing because this post may end up taking 3 weeks to read, however, my husband and I have been separated for almost 18 months. He left when I found out when I was pregnant. He has done and said horrible things since than. Things like, he hoped I had a miscarriage and lost the baby. And he has threatened to hurt me. He has seen my son 4 times and he will be 8 months at the end of April. I have gone to a divorce lawyer and will be filing the papers as soon as I can come up with the money. That is a quick background. On Easter, I received a ton of texts from him. He is saying that he is going to kill himself at the end of the summer (after his mom passes...she has been given 3 months to live). He claims that he has no reason to live and that I am a heartless &*$&! for not caring about him. My question is, what do I do? Or do I do anything? I feel like most people that want to kill themselves do not announce it to anyone. However, I also feel like if he kills himself that I will never forgive myself. I emailed his brother (who he really does not talk to) and let him know what was going on because I had no one else to contact. Ideas? Suggestions? Advice? TIA!
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Re: Serious subject...need advice
Only thing I'll add to Achase ('cause her advice is always sound) is maybe to contact his father if he's close by. Try to leave the mother out of it. She doesn't need this stress right now. This is not your fault, nor your repsonsibility. It's also indicitive of a controlling personality. Men who control often tend to threaten to hurt or kill themselves to get you to respond the way he wants you to.
On the flip side, he could just be having a nervous breakdown. Finind out your mother is dying is pretty devastating. In either case, do what Achase said and maybe contact his father.
I don't know his background obviously, but you are incorrect that most people who want to kill themselves don't tell anyone. I have family experience with this and most people that ultimately commit suicide have told others ahead of time. Usually before they plan to do it they also seem all better, happier, like everything is fine. That is because in their head they have figured out a solution to their problem - suicide.
I'm not saying he isn't talking out of his @ss to manipulate you either, but I'd take all threats of suicide seriously.
DD2 11.17.08
I was lurking on here... (I think just trying to get some insight on how hard the single parent journey is...) and came across this.
My ex called me in the middle of the night, while we were going through our divorce and told me he was going to commit suicide. Laid out his plan for me and everything. I ended up getting a hold of the friend he was staying with to check on him. He later (3 months later) told me that he just wanted to find out if I cared, and he wanted me to be hurting as much as he was. And, that part of him hoped that I would take him back to keep him from killing himself.
The bottom line is, you can't control other people's actions. The only thing you can control is your reaction to them. If you are happier apart, you can't let this guilt you into letting him control your emotions. He is looking for attention - whether he is serious about this or not. I would forward him some info on a counslor or a support group and know that whatever the outcome, this is not your fault. And, it's not your responsibility to fix.
I think you handled it to the best of your ability. I hope he gets the help that he needs, whether or not he's serious about his suicide claims, it sounds like he needs it.
I just stumbled over here, so sorry for butting in. If he has given you a specific date or method of committing suicide, you could also call the police who might "5150" him. That means he could be held (against his will) for up to 72 hours in a hospital for observation and therapy. I don't know all the specifics of 5150, but I know a friend of a friend who was just in this situation.
But as all the other PP mentioned, his decisions (both productive and destructive) are not your fault. Good luck dealing with all of this.
just lurking and saw this... you did right by contacting his brother. he definitely is dealing with some pretty heavy emotional stuff with his mom being sick and all, so to him just "leaving" seems like the easy answer... provided it's not a control ploy.
i have a friend that i was very very close to, and one day i called him just to say hi. he answered the phone saying "i'm so happy it's you. you just saved me." turns out he was ready to pull the trigger, gun in one hand phone in the other... and just knowing one person cares showed him that life is worth living.
maybe that was all your X needs is just knowing that while you may not want to be with him, you do still care about him (at least for your LO's sake).... again provided this isn't just a ploy to control you.
and anhg80... here we call it a Baker Act... tell authorities so and so is showing signs of being a danger to him/herself or society and it's a 72 hour mandatory stay in the mental hospital for evaluation. that one is court mandated. there's also one called a Stewart-Marchman Act that takes 2 family or close friends (over age 18) signing paperwork to get the evaluation... not a court order