TTGP - question

thecrew7

I am new to the bump, and my husband and I will TTGP in a few months. I have a silly fear of something, and was wondering if anyone could share in my concern. I am a special educator and have been for over 7 years. I also have a younger brother (27 yrs old) that is Autistic. For some reason, I cannot shake the notion that my children will have special needs because of the association (which I realize is kind of immature of myself).

Has anyone else been through this mental struggle. I talk with friends at work, who have healthy children, but all they say is "don't worry." I am open, giving, and very loving to all people, which is why I chose this beautiful profession, but I also know the strength, stamina, and courage it takes to mother a special needs child because I live it daily (with my brother).

LollipopsAndCrisps

Well, I am definitely not an expert on Autism, but I do know that no one really knows what causes people to be on the spectrum.

I definitely struggle with worrying about having a child with special needs. I think it's perfectly normal to wonder what your child will be like, and to hope that they will be "perfect". 

I just try not to borrow trouble, and will cross bridges as I come to them, should the need arise. GL to you. 

notkateanymore

I have had fleeting thoughts that what if something happened. DD is dyslexic and ADHD and while that's not truly special needs, I've always felt a little weird about possibly setting her up to have somebody to take care of after we're gone. My best friend has a sister who, while she lives on her own, has some pretty severe disabilities and it's been hard on her. Her mother died a couple of years ago and the sister lives in our town, so all the care falls on her. I think she thought about it before having her kids. You can't help but think about it. But, in no way would I not have a child because of the chance something might happen.

LiteraryFoodie

I know this might sound corny, but I honestly trust that God will not give us more than we can handle. If we are blessed with a child that has special needs, then I believe that God has given that child to us for a reason and will give us the strength, understanding, and resources what we need to raise him or her.

This is not to be interpreted as recklessness (i.e.: let's just have as many babies as possible even if we can't provide for them!). It is not that; I just know that we can only plan and prepare for things to a certain point--after that (and in the midst of it) we just have to trust.  Worrying about it or being scared, ultimately, won't make any difference.

ShadyKull

I work with special education high school students, many of which have special needs and emotional difficulties. Because I deal with it so much and know how difficult it can be for the students and families, I also worry about it happening to us and what it would be like.

But like others have said, we have very little control over things like these so it certainly doesn't help to worry about it too much now. All we can do is hope for the best and provide the best care and love to our children, whomever they turn out to be. 

It is really hard to know what exactly causes a child to be autistic or on the spectrum. But chances are good (especially if you are healthy and relatively young) that your child will not have special needs. And even if he/she does, you will love him/her all the same. Here is a wonderful blog written by a woman who has a daughter with Down's Syndrome and the struggle she had with accepting it at first. It might be helpful and inspiring for you. Here is the link to the birth story.

https://www.kellehampton.com/2010/01/nella-cordelia-birth-story.html

catahoulatte

I think worrying about what could happen is natural. You're always going to worry about your child and you want them to have the easiest path possible.

That said, now that I have a son, I know that no diagnosis/problem/setback that ever occurs is going to change how much I want to be with him every day. Thinking about the recent autism statistics is scary, and knowing that he could be one of the children that will be diagnosed is scary, but it's not as overwhelming as before I had him.

I don't think I can explain it as well as some other people, but I know that it will be easier to accept on this side of the fence. It's not going to change who he is as a person.

AlexKate45

When we were TTC#1 I was worried.  I also used to work at a centre for children with diabilites so that is maybe why I worried more than DH did.  When I was pregnant, our ultrasounds showed several "soft markers" for down's or CF with DS.  We refused any invasive tests.  We did do blood testing for CF (it's not a standard test in Canada).  We didn't know if DS was healthy until he was born.  Thankfully he was perfectly fine.  I feel very fortunate.  All of this also makes me worried about TTC#2.  The pregnancy with DS was an emotional rollercoaster.

cecemama1

ShadyKull:

 Here is a wonderful blog written by a woman who has a daughter with Down's Syndrome and the struggle she had with accepting it at first. It might be helpful and inspiring for you. Here is the link to the birth story.

https://www.kellehampton.com/2010/01/nella-cordelia-birth-story.html

 

I was about to suggest this blog as well!  This birth story is so touching, and I absolutely love her blog!   

thecrew7

I can't thank you enough for being so honest. I appreciate the support!

I did talk to my doctor today, and I will most definitely talk to someone else to *try* and ease my worries.