I'm torn and need some advice.

Mandiemn

I haven't been on here much because I've been on the TTCAL board. I thought DH and I would be ready to TTC soon, but I think we might wait 1 to 2 years. I have been given the opportunity to have a weight loss surgery and I'm having a lot of internal conflict if I should have it or not. I'm over 100 lbs over weight and I'm not sure if this had anything to do with my loss, but I can't help but blame myself in every way possible for it.

My DH wants to TTC tomorrow if it was up to him, but I really want to be as healthy as possible when I do decide to get pregnant again. 

I don't know what to do. Have any of you ladies had these surgeries or have any words of wisdom. 

lrichmond86

I haven't had the surgery, but I understand what you're saying.  Even though baby Gary's cause of death wasn't due to the pre-e, I can't help but feel that if I had been healthier, I might still have my little boy.  Because of that, I've been doing everything I can to get healthy between the time I delivered and when we start ttc again (hopefully next cycle).  If you feel like you need to get yourself healthier before you get pg again, then I think you should.  DH will understand.

magdalina.h

I haven't had the surgery, but even though I knew my weight had nothing to do with my cord failing, I still felt like it did. I was so concerned with not overgaining because I was heavy to begin with. My OB wasn't concerned and I gained 15lbs, but my cord failed and my baby was little so I felt guilty for my lack of gaining weight. I lost about 5lbs before getting pg again and during my pregnancy with Lucas I didn't pay attention to my weight because I just wanted to be sure that I was gaining. If I gained too much my OB told me, if I didn't gain enough, my OB told me.

I think for me, I wouldn't take the opportunity to have weight loss surgery. I wanted so badly to get pg again that I wouldn't have been able to imagine waiting a year or two. That's just me. I think if doing the surgery is going to make you healthier and gives you more time to grieve and it's something you want, then it's a good idea.

dandywarhol

I think it is great to want to be healthier before you TTC.  I think the key to that idea is being "healthy" not just losing weight.  I understand that the idea of losing 100lbs can be daunting, heck trying to lose just 5lbs can be a challenge but the key is eating healthier and getting exercise and realizing that it doesn't just happen overnight.  It is a challenge but the end results are worth it.  

I haven't had the weight loss surgery but have known people who have including one person who passed away as a result of it.  If you were my sister I would tell you not to have the surgery.  Then I would take you out for a walk and to zumba class to get you started on your healthier way of life.  

PrettyAccountant

Hi Hon - sending you a private message.

littlepenguin2012

I really don't have any advice on this, but I just wanted to say big ((hugs)), this is a tough decision and I know whatever you choose will be best for you and your DH.

jbranden12

I understand wanting to get healthy before becoming pregnant again. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes two weeks before my loss, and even though all the doctors said there was no way that it caused Patricia's heart to stop beating because it was so mild, I've still been obsessed with testing my blood sugar. My doctor told me that my hormones are still going crazy and I shouldn't worry about it until 6 weeks pp, but I can't stop.

I don't think I could do anything right now that would make it impossible for me to get pregnant again this year, but that's just because the dream of having another baby is still so present in my mind. But, perhaps you've been dreaming for a long time about the lifestyle you could have after a surgery like this, and that's important too.

Maybe talking to someone, like a counselor, could help you clarify how you're feeling about your options.

 ((hugs))

weddedwife

I think it's great that you are considering making a healthy lifestyle change. It can only help while pregnant (and in general)! I don't have any experience with the surgery, but my BIL is planning to undergo in July. He is more than 150 lbs. overweight, and the Dr.'s have told him his life may depend on him losing weight. They have stipulated that they won't do the surgery UNLESS he loses 40 lbs. FIRST, on his own. He also has to undergo therapy to get to the root cause of his weight issues.

I think the key thing is that you have to be willing to commit to a lifestyle change, not just looking for a quick fix. I do know that you will lower your risks from all kinds of pregnancy/delivery problems by losing weight. I will also add that if you have the surgery after having a baby first, it may be a harder recovery if you have to care for a baby at the same time. Plus, you have the added risk of leaving a child motherless should something go wrong. I don't mean to be a debbie downer but these are all things to consider.

If it were me, I would make losing the weight a priority, with the long-term goal of having a healthy baby somewhere down the road. Whether or not that involves surgery is something I'd have to consider carefully; I'm more the type that might embark on some kind of drastic weight loss/exercise program first, even if it involved an inpatient program. But that's just me. Only you can make this decision for you (with your H's support of course).

Good luck with whatever you decide; I know you will do what you think is best for you and your family.

weddedwife

I just wanted to add- the surgery my BIL is planning is a gastrectomy (sp?). Where they remove up to 80% of the stomach. It is different than lapband or gastric bypass.

KacyChicago

Lurking ...

 

I came over here just to check on you because I hadn't seen you around. (And yes, I could have just messaged you, but I want to comment on this ... I saw you had posted this on TTCAL the other night, but when I went to comment it was gone. I hope nothing happened to cause that. If so, let me say how sorry I am.)

I feel your pain ... I spent the first couple of weeks of my surprise pregnancy feeling guilty that I had allowed myself to become pregnant being overweight and having high blood pressure. If nothing else, the one silver lining of our loss is I get the chance to become a little healthier before we do it all again.

My best advice for you would be to NOT have the surgery. I say this because I don't think that would solve the problems that you're facing. I lost about 200 pounds 10 years ago, and have managed to keep the bulk of it off. (Although I have gained weight some due to my pregnancy/loss.) I only tell you that because I know it can be done ... But I also tell you that to let you know that I am starting to work to get more off before we try again, which is the only reason we are TTA.

So anything you need, don't hesitate to ask, as I am in a similar boat as you. I would just hate to see you waste so many years waiting to TTC again, when it would only take you a few months to get some weight off before becoming pregnant again. And the rest, well you can lose that after, which is what I'm planning on doing

I'll message you later, but just wanted to make sure you knew I was thinking of you, lady!