Something has been bothering me

schenkertobe

Hi ladies. I know I haven't been active on the board recently. I am approaching the two year birthday of my twin boys, born at 23weeks. When they were born we didn't name them. They were always Baby A and Baby B to us throughout my pregnancy and we didn't get a chance to brainstorm names. But now two years later it is bothering me that we didn't name our boys and I don't know what to do about it. I guess I could name them now, but it seems odd to do especially since my DH doesn't like to think/talk about the twins so I feel like I'd be naming them all on my own.

JessicaRobb

I don't think it's too late to name your little ones. Maybe let DH know that it's something that means a lot to you. Or maybe stick to names starting with A and B since that has been how they were identified throughout pregnancy. My DH doesn't want to talk about our loss as much as me. We definitely process this differently. I am sorry for your loss. I'd love to know what you decide if you want to share their names. 

We didn't name our LO right away either. At first we were going to stick with Baby Boy (Last Name), but a bit after I decided I wanted him to have a name.  It's okay to change your mind. NO ONE is prepared for this and no one knows the "right" way to respond. Good Luck!

PS- I love seeing rainbow babies. It gives me hope. 

littlepenguin2012

If it is important to you, I don't think it is ever too late to give your babies a name.  I read about a woman who named her stillborn baby after 40 years. This was in the 60s and women were not encouraged to name or hold babies that were stillborn.  She said it had always bothered her and even though it was only known to her, it still made her feel like she was honoring the baby's memory. (If I remember correctly, it was a girl and she named her Linda).

I love the idea of giving them names that start with A and B- that is such a sweet idea.   

If you do decide to name them, I would love to hear what you choose as well.   

johnnys june

I would express to your husband how important this is....for your healing.  I think it would bring you alot "closure" and alot of peace.  If he isn't game then simply tell him that you need to do this and ask if he's ok with whatever you choose.  Men grieve so differently and if he really doesn't want to talk about it and help name them, remember that you need to do this for you.  

As for naming your babies, please let us know if you do.  *hugs*  You'll find the right names no matter what. 

Mandiemn

I definitely think you should name your precious little ones. My husband chose the name of our little girl before she was even conceived and we struggled with giving her that name when she came way too early, but that was her name and will be her name forever.

I'm so sorry that you are hurting. Maybe naming them will give you the comfort that you need. Big hugs and my thoughts are with you. 

magdalina.h

I don't think it's too late to name them. Let him know that you really need to take this step in your grief process and that you understand he doesn't like to talk about them, but you need this.

blessedhope

littlepenguin2012:

If it is important to you, I don't think it is ever too late to give your babies a name.  I read about a woman who named her stillborn baby after 40 years. This was in the 60s and women were not encouraged to name or hold babies that were stillborn.  She said it had always bothered her and even though it was only known to her, it still made her feel like she was honoring the baby's memory. (If I remember correctly, it was a girl and she named her Linda).

I love the idea of giving them names that start with A and B- that is such a sweet idea.   

If you do decide to name them, I would love to hear what you choose as well.  

 

Well said. ((hugs)) 

jbranden12

I'm really happy we named our daughter. While I was pregnant, we didn't know if she was a boy or a girl and didn't really have names picked out because we couldn't make up our minds. When she was born and we found out she was a girl, we were able to give her a name that means something special (after her great grandmothers). I guess I mean to say that just because we didn't call her that while she was alive doesn't make it any less her name. It's never too late if it's what you need. 

As for your husband, have you talked to him recently about naming your boys? Maybe you could try to explain how you believe it will help you and give him a chance to be involved, but let him know he doesn't have to be.

schenkertobe

Thanks ladies. I talked to him today and he was surprised, we hadn't talked about the twins in a while so he thought it came out of the blue. But he understood and agreed to name them after giving it some thought.

karebear57

Let us know what your boys' names are when you two find names. When we had our lil girl he didn't want to give her a middle name and I was just in shock so I went along with it. He did choose the name I've been wanting for a long time.but as time goes by I really wish we had a middle name for her. I like the name Rose for her middle name, it reminds me of my grandma b/c she loved roses, they were her favorite flower. I haven't talked to him about it tho. But I don't think it's too late to name your angels.