When does it get better?

oktobersky

At 11.5 weeks we had an ultrasound (no reason to believe anything was wrong) and we found out the baby stopped growing at 7.5 weeks.  I had a D&C the following day, which was four weeks ago. 

I've definitely had lots of ups and downs, but sometimes my sadness, anger and bitterness just seem to reappear so strongly.  It feels like everyone on Facebook is announcing their pregnancies and it just makes me so sad and bitter.  I found out that a couple people I know had miscarriages before their current pregnancies and they totally get what I'm going through.  Hearing about their pregnancies brings me a bit of hope, but I can't help but feel so upset whenever I see pregnant bellies and when anyone talks about the end of September, when our baby would have been born.

How long has it been since your miscarriage?  When did you start to feel a bit better?  Any advice on getting through this emotionally difficult time?

Laurakat81

Everyone is going to be different as they go through the grieving process. Try not to compare yourself to anyone else even if they went through the exact same thing. We all react differently.

I can tell you that it does get better though. But don't put a timeline on that. It can be so different for everyone.

The only advice I have is to take care of yourself. Let yourself grieve. Don't bury it. (((hugs)))

kat530_528

This is one of the hardest things to have to go through because a lot of times there are no answers as to why it happened.  For me, it has been a little over 7 months and to this day I still have days when I feel upset about it.  I don't know exactly when the hurt started to lessen but it does happen gradually.  In the beginning it was hard to get through an hour without feeling like breaking down but eventually it does get easier.  

One thing that I found to help me out a little bit was writing down my feelings in a journal.  Any time I felt angry, sad, depressed, anything, I wrote it down.  I also started thinking about how I wanted to remember my unborn baby and came up with a couple of different ideas.  The thing my husband and I decided on was a wind-chime so that any time there is a breeze we feel like our baby is home with us.

oktobersky

Thank you.  Sometimes I feel like people expect me to put on a happy face and don't want to see me get upset.  I think the people who have actually been through something similar completely accept my way of handling it and don't expect me act a certain way.  I think it makes everyone else uncomfortable.

It's just so hard.  And it makes me even more upset to think that so many women have to go through this.  No woman should ever have to feel this way.

oktobersky

That is so beautiful about the windchime.  I've had several people tell me the same thing - to do something to honour our unborn child.  I'm not really sure what I should do though...

I'm afraid some people might tell me that I'm dwelling on it by doing something like that though.  I'm a dweller by nature, so I'm not sure what's going to help me, and what's going to hinder me.

Thanks for your advice.

kat530_528

Whatever you do, do what makes you feel good.  Don't let people tell you how you should handle this because there really is no one way for everyone.  You need an outlet for your feelings.

oktobersky

Thank you for all your kind words and support.  It really means a lot to me.

Sarahkoch1587

Wind-chime=a beautiful thought!

jayhawk25

Hugs to you.  This is such a difficult thing to work through.  I too had a missed miscarriage-I found out at my NT scan at 13 weeks that the baby no longer had a hb.  I think I was in shock at first, and then had the D&C and physical part to deal with, so now I finally am focusing on the emotional pain. It's been 3 weeks since my d&c, and I still have breakdowns.

I've  found it helpful to take a FB break, because like you said, it's very hard to see that now a d not feel sadness and bitterness.  My DH and I plan to plant a lilac bush I our backyard to remember our lost baby.  I'm hoping when it blooms each Spring it will bring some joy and comfort.

oktobersky

It's hard for me to take a complete Facebook break since I use Facebook to communicate with some close friends who have been extremely helpful and supportive, plus a moms group I belong to coordinates all their activities there as well.  I know what I really need to do is just check messages and get out, instead of looking at everyone else's status updates.  Sometimes I feel like I can handle everything, but then another person announces their pregnancy and it just causes the spiral downwards again.

I've been thinking more about a way to honour our baby, and I love the idea of the windchime.  We have the perfect place on our deck for it, and I'll be able to hopefully hear it from our bedroom and the kitchen, plus I spend a lot of time on the deck when the weather's nice.  I really do love the idea that I can remember our lost baby every time it chimes - hopefully in a more positive way as time goes on.

Thank you for all your support and suggestions.  I know that feeling better will take time, but sometimes I just feel like I need to vent and cry, but everyone around me has already heard it so many times.  My husband is extremely supportive but I don't think he really understands how big of a loss this is for me.  Simply saying "we'll have another one eventually" doesn't make the pain go away.

I'm really wishing you lovely ladies all the best in your TTC journey.  I hope that every day is better for each of you and that we'll all get to celebrate a sticky baby soon.