What Would You Do?

JayKuh

So, Parker's father hasn't been the most reliable of people. He's in and out of his life as he sees fit and doesn't give two thoughts to how this is impacting Parker. I gave him the first year of Parker's life to get his act together (to try to prevent him from hurting Parker when Parker is old enough to know what's going on), but he still continues to mess up. We do not have court-ordered visitation set up, he hasn't gone through the motions, so I've just let him come see Parker on his days off at our house. But, enough is enough, he has flaked out the past 3 days when he has said he would come see him, so I told him his last chance is tonight. If he's not at my house by 6 to see Parker, he'd have to take me to court. The reason I dealt with it this long is because I was wanting to build a co-parenting relationship with as little drama as possible, but it looks like it's not going to work out that way. Anyway, I told him if he wasn't there by 6 then I'm going to call tomorrow to get our child support readjusted because we would be entitled to more. I figure if he's not going to be involved, he can help out more financially. It's not like it'd be for greed, because most of the payment is actually going for Parker's childcare expenses. He is also over $500 behind in child support and it keeps adding up, if I call, they may want to take him to court to make him pay up the arrears. Is this over-reacting? If he would actually come around more and help out I wouldn't be so concerned about the money because he'd be helping me, but he's not. I don't want to be a selfish beyotch, but what he is paying is not covering the entire cost of childcare anyway, so I'm out that much, plus diapers, food, clothes, etc. What would you do?

Heavenly+

If the father is behind in child support and not following the current custody agreement, then yes I would file a new motion with child custody and then readjust the child support.  No, I don't think that is over-reaction and that you are doing this in the best interest of your child.

Your frustrations are totally understandable. Though, I would word what you say differently to the father.  Otherwise, it sounds like you are threatening him that he has to pay you more if he does not show up for his child when it is about the care and well being of the child and not you needing more money up to a point.  The biggest concern is that he is not there for his child.   I would keep what he is doing for his child as the center of the conversations you have with him and not what he is doing for you. This may encourage him to think of his child more and build a better co-parenting relationship.

 

JayKuh

Heavenly+:

If the father is behind in child support and not following the current custody agreement, then yes I would file a new motion with child custody and then readjust the child support.  No, I don't think that is over-reaction and that you are doing this in the best interest of your child.

Your frustrations are totally understandable. Though, I would word what you say differently to the father.  Otherwise, it sounds like you are threatening him that he has to pay you more if he does not show up for his child when it is about the care and well being of the child and not you needing more money up to a point.  The biggest concern is that he is not there for his child.   I would keep what he is doing for his child as the center of the conversations you have with him and not what he is doing for you. This may encourage him to think of his child more and build a better co-parenting relationship.

 

That doesn't work with him unfortunately. If I bring up something about Parker he tunes me out. I try to be positive because I believe he can be a good person and a good father if he can ever get his life together. I was basically saying that he will be there for his child one way or another. If he won't physically be there then he will be there financially or go to jail. What was said was out of frustration about the situation for sure, but it doesn't change that if he doesn't come tonight (which he probably won't because he won't answer my texts) then he'll have to establish court-ordered visitations to have contact with him. I could have worded it differently though.