lies

AmberMH08

my SD is almost 8 and has been in couseling for lieing and stealing 2yrs they finally took her out and she never stoped doing these behaviors just less frequently... I'm scared to take her to a store she has grabed things put it in her pocket more than once while with us...but honestly the lieing about everything gets to me alot more... we have tried to scold her-time out-couseling-take things away-reward her for good behavior.... nothing works and its been like this since she started school at 4yrs old...

Last night she peed the bed...didnt come tell me just changed her pants laid back in it....so when we all got up this morning i saw her clothes were changed asked her why? she said cause i wanted to change them.... so i went in her room her bed and curtians were wet... so i asked her again----still she said she didn't... i told her she was in trouble for lieing not for peeing the bed and she just seemed like ok whatever i don't care....

What do u do with that... shes like a moody teenager who doesnt care about anything.... It's very frustrating and I am more than a loss at what to do to help her... her BM Stepdad and DH all dont know what to do either... i'm just worried how her actions effect my son and hope he doesn't pick up these bad behaviors from her...I thought she would grow out of it but seems that she just getting worse I want to trust her but literally everything she says is a lie..She has went as far as to tell BM i choked her...and she told us BM beats her with a belt... neither even close to the truth....

I have been in her life since she had just turned 3 and stepdad been there since day she was born so nothing has changed in her life we are all stable situation and EOW  we get her every wed.. has been in place for 4yrs now soooo its not a change in any of that...

Is this just the way she is always gonna be? being a SM is hard no one in my family understands and none of my friends have Step children either so looking for some insight from others who may have advice on how to deal with this...

 

Rhenna

Wow that sounds really rough.  Sorry you all are going through that.  As for the stealing, if it was my child and I caught her I would make her take the stuff back and tell the store what she did and I might even have the store call a police officer in to scare her even more.  I think counseling is obviously a must because if this goes unaddressed she is going to have major problems as a teen.  I have a cousin that was like that as a child and when she became a teen she was constantly in trouble, sneaking out, on birth control by 13 years old...she was a mess.  It is weird but she somehow grew out of it.  It really helped when her parents started becoming more disciplined with her.  They weren't lax at all but they had to take things to an extreme.

Holly_1007

I don't think cutting back on counseling will help her, she needs an outlet for her issues. 

BM, DH, SD, and yourself need to sit down and make sure you are on the same page. 

for stealing the punishment is XYZ

for lying the punishment is XYZ

for telling the truth the reward is XYZ

kwim? She clearly needs some consistancy between the houses (not saying there isn't but there might be subtle differences)

For the bed wetting and lying about it I would take her damn bedding away.(ok maybe not, but clearly you guys need to get drastic with her)  Good job at making sure she knew she was being punished for the lying, NOT the bed wetting.

AmberMH08

the insurance stoped paying for the couseling because the couseler said there was nothing more she could do after 2 years she had tried everything as well....we have the rules and punishments she spent 6months with no tv or video games at both houses and she didnt care... we would reward her for good grades by buying her a toy she would never play more than 5 min with it... i dont personally believe in toy rewards but attention and love rewards wasnt working either... and yes i see myself on one those talk shows with out of control teenager i try not to think of that part to much... my poor dr is going to have a fit i already have to stay away fr my MIL to keep my BP down but with SD i can't stay away from her... and we have went drastic i striped all the princess stickers off the wall and posters-no tv all that .. she had bed pillow and blanket for a while in her room.. didnt help either lol... and as for taking stuff back to store we were on vaca and walking in and out of stores i didnt know what store it came from exactly... and after she stole like 3 different things at school we got a cop to come and made her think she was going to jail... that didnt work either... its so frustrating it makes u wanna cry or shake some sense into her neither of which i can do... i stressed and had a miscarriage b4 this pregnancy so im trying to not stress but it is super hard....

 

Karma1969

There is a bigger issue going on with this little girl that is being missed by the adults in her life.  Has she been dx with any type of special needs?  Has there every been any reason to suspect she may have been or is being sexually abused?  A learning diability?  I can't imagine a therapist wiping her hands of this and saying that they can't help.  She needs a psychatric evaluation and a better therapist.

AmberMH08

after 4 years yes she has been tested for everything... the only health problems shes had is ears had tubes put in that helped her hearing but that was when she was 5... and her lazy eye was fixed so no glasses anymore... she has been tested for everything and no we had a special exam for sexual abuse because the therapist suggested it because she thought she wasn't being open enough with her about it,and i felt awful putting her thru that when it all came back negative... The therapist recomended to give it some time and we will re evaluate  her situation in a year to see if anything has changed... there is only so much u can do at her age she still doesn't understand like an adult.