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What do you do about activities?

la79alla79al member
in Blended Families
Just wondering what everyone else does about activities that fall on NCP time.  For example, DSD has dances at her school every Friday evening.  She calls to ask if she can go and if we have absolutely nothing going on for Friday or Saturday, I tell her she can go and BM can bring her up Saturday morning (we are 1 hour away).  If we have anything going on Saturday before about 5pm though, I tell her no because to BM apparently 'first thing in the morning' is sometime after 10:30, as evidenced by the last 2 times we have given her that chance.  Recently, she has had some girl scout events on Saturday evenings though.  An hour away, ending at 10pm.  I told her no on the most recent one because we have plans for early Sunday morning which means we will need to get up early and we will be going to church Saturday evening.  I told her if BM wants to come get her and then bring her back after, that would be fine but I have a feeling BM has plans b/c she didn't offer to help with the driving at all.  Now we're debating whether we are screwing DSD because she is missing girl scouts or whether time with dad is more important.  I just have a feeling this is going to come up quite a bit over the summer.  FWIW, we don't always say no.  A few weeks ago, we switched weekends so she could do a sleepover with girl scouts. 
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Re: What do you do about activities?

  • FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member

    I think you just do the best you can.  If you know about her stuff enough in advance that you can plan around it do.  If it's something you can be involved in/watch/chaperone do that too.  But time with her dad is important too.

    Since we have primary physical custody of SD, BM comes to a lot of her practices and things just to see her(although fewer and fewer here lately) and SD loves it.

    Sounds like you're doing it right.  Activities are important, but they shouldn't come before all else.

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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  • Holly_1007Holly_1007 member

    this is a touchy subject for us. BM seems to think that she can sign SD up for whatever activity she wants without discussing with us.  if it happens to fall on our time we are responsible for bringing her.  its rather frustrating

    sounds to me like you guys are working things out the best you can.  just remeber, SD's life revolves around her friends (and this will get worse in time) but her friends are eventually going to come and go (weather she knows/ understands this or not) but her family will ALWAYS be there.  She needs to spend time with you guys and her dad alone.  Hopefully BM is open to switching weekends or allowing you guys to make up the visitation. 

                           
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  • IlumineIlumine member

    EH....I have full custody of SS (we live in another country) and DD and they don't get to go to every event they want to becuase we have othe plans...so why is it supposed to be any different in a BF? 

    If your child made the Highschool or hard to get into travel soccer team or Middleschool marching band, I would do my best to get him/her to the game...becuase that is what you (the NCP) would have done if you were still married to the Other parent.

    But if we are talking a summer soccer league or an occasional boy scout event...eh. TIME with the NCP, even just hanging around at home TOGETHER (this is the important word) is more important. 

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  • FormerlyAKFormerlyAK
    imageIlumine:

    But if we are talking a summer soccer league or an occasional boy scout event...eh. TIME with the NCP, even just hanging around at home TOGETHER (this is the important word) is more important. 

    I disagree with this. Depending on the age of the kid, just hanging around the house with the NCP isn't quality time. The kid needs to be out doing things they enjoy and I think the parents (CP or NCP) need to be involved in those activities. My ex hates baseball. Always has. But ds has loved it since we took him to his first game at 2.5 years old. After we divorced, ex recognized how important baseball was to ds and makes sure he gets to all his games and practices during his time. He gets out there with the other dads and helps the kids on the field. It is important to ds, so he makes it important to him and they bond that way. It also gives the NCP an opportunity to meet and make friends with the parents of ds. I am friends with a lot of them already through school, because I am much more involved in school stuff since I have ds the majority of the week. But ex is out there during the weekend activities interacting with the other parents. Much more rewarding than just hanging around the house.

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