How do you know when you are "done"?

sept04brideinMD

I'm in the middle (CD19) of a medicated/monitored cycle and having serious second-thoughts.  I even called and canceled my u/s and bw monitoring appt.  It makes me mad though bec/ I have been treking up there just about every other day for the last 10 days!  I feel like I'm giving up because I am not seeing the response I want. We have 2 healthy and happy babies already - MH thinks we're tempting fate by adding another one, because we've already been so blessed.  This weekend we met with our accountant and finalized our taxes and I think while we were there - I realizes how much of a financial impact another child would be, etc.  Of course, all these things we considered when we begain down the ttc road with an RE - because we all know nothing happens fast.  However, I am totally conflicted about having another one now - perhaps it's all the hormones I'm pumping into my body - or the lack of response that my body is having to them - which makes me feel like giving up.

Ugh...please no flames - I needed to vent somewhere since no one other than MH and me knows of our struggles.  No real point to this other than to ramble on.  Thanks for listening!

Soon2beMrs.Sivert

People say you just know. That you have a feeling of my family is complete. I, alas, cannot relate. We've been trying for the last two years but it's hard to not feel guilty when you have kids at home. I'm sorry.

craziheazo

For me, it is definitely a feeling.  I knew from the moment I saw two lines on my most recent pregnancy test that we were completely done when this one gets here.  I did not feel that way at all after DD2.

sept04brideinMD

craziheazo:

For me, it is definitely a feeling.  I knew from the moment I saw two lines on my most recent pregnancy test that we were completely done when this one gets here.  I did not feel that way at all after DD2.

That's kinda where I was/am too.  I totally am sure I don't want 4 - 3 is it - it's been 3 all along.  But, my RE is about 70 miles one way away - and with 2 sweet babies already - it's hard to juggle the appts, etc.  Plus, being a teacher I am having to get a sub, for an hour or 2 and though all of this is minor - it's weighing on me.

However, I've signed up for a sub, and will make sub plans for the am - I think I am going to finish this cycle and go from there.  When I take out the difficultly of finding coverage for school, remove the trip (and the cost of it) - I still want this cycle to be complete.  A good long run should help clear this scattered brain of mine!

AndBabyWouldMake5

While we are expecting our first and we know we want more, so I'm not an expert... I would say trust your gut.  With so many things we have a gut reaction and we second guess ourselves.  It seems like pp felt that way too.  Medicated cycles are hard and emotional so I would sleep on it, but stopping now doesn't mean you can't try again another time.

sept04brideinMD

Thanks for the responses ladies!  I knew you all would be a good sounding board - and would give honest, self-less opinions!

scally

craziheazo:

For me, it is definitely a feeling.  I knew from the moment I saw two lines on my most recent pregnancy test that we were completely done when this one gets here.  I did not feel that way at all after DD2.

Ditto!

I knew from the moment I found out that we are done after this one.  I just didn't feel done after DS.

LIAngel

I know I'm done, cause I just do not want to go through the newborn stage and late night feedings and buying formula for a year.   I am just done with all that.  There is not one part of me that wishes for another.  Not to mention the c-section recovery.

3 kids is just not for me.    I hope I don't sound too harsh.  I don't feel well and have a 3 yr old pushing my buttons right now.    

kittylove

I didn't just "know" or feel it. It took a long time for me to get here and a lot of soul searching. My advice is to not move forward till you are as close to sure that you want another as you can be. When we were trying to decide to try again or not we were told to think about life in 5 yrs and how we wanted it to look. Could we vision or family with "just one" or did it feel like we were missing a person. What we realized was we LOVE our life right now, no one feels missing, and there is no deep longing for another child (although pg and that first year sound blissful to me). GL with what ever you decide.

 

MBandBud

It's been a long journey for us as well.  We always wanted more than 1 so I guess that makes it easier to move fwd, but like your DH we do feel like we are tempting fate.  I wanted to chime in b/c I encourage you to look long term and not at the short term struggles.  That is the only thing that has gotten me through.  It is also almost 2 hours to our RE but to me that is just part of the journey and you move fwd.  In the end it will not matter.  If you don't feel in your heart you are done, I feel good about taking on the burden of the short term sacrifices.  Okay, not good about it but you just kind of have to do it. 

I think the hard part for me will be knowing you are done even after longing for another.  We sort of have our own what we will and what we won't do.  However, as the time gets closer to maybe reaching that limit, I think it is hard to just say 'okay, we tried, it is not happening, I am happy with what we have been blessed with'.  It is a risk to move fwd and try for the next;  you risk it not working at that is very hard.

Hang in there and we are here; I know what you mean about others not realizing.  We sort of live in our own little world.  Hold onto hope. 

MonkeysGirl05

I'm pretty sure I'm done after this one is born. I'm even more sure that I'm done with treatments (to get PG). Our first DS is the result of our 3rd IVF attempt; this one happened on its own (after an IVF and m/c). I "feel" like our family will be complete with two boys. I'm also open to the idea that I may feel differently later, so I'm not ruling anything out just yet. I do know that I plan on going back on some form of BC after DS#2 is born. I just don't think I could handle another one anytime soon. I'm also 36 and starting to feel like I'm getting past the age where I want to have more babies. Plus, my DH travels a ton for work, so I do a lot of the parenting by myself (which sucks).